esrosedotblog

Hot in more ways than one.

I love this photo from Bend Oregon.

The couple in question had scheduled their outdoor wedding near where this fire began raging. They moved the whole thing in town but got this photo before they went indoors. The story is here.

Labels: fire, photography, photos, wedding

VIDEOS

The kids are back on the ground in Boston.

The entire house and yard 'complex' is back to normal except for a host of daisies in galvanized pails. Our wedding flower. See below.

And the wedding itself is a series of little mental videos that play randomly in my brain.

The final, relief giving, checkoff on the to do list. The City Councilman, Rick, who did the honors, showed up in plenty of time. I can see him rounding the corner.

A report from 'out there' that there wasn't any crowd forming at 1:40. Then, a later one that said "they must all be here because most of the seats are filled".

Relief.

Then the gathering of the 'bests' and my kids for the procession. The listening for the musical cues. (We hit the mark on the dot) and the lining up with John telling everyone to walk slowly. One more time.

Then the crowd. My god! Did we invite all these people?

Our walk in. The arrival.

I look at the faces. A sea of them. Very close.

I work hard to listen and look at Rick as he gets us into it.

The promises.

The vows. I got it out.

I try very hard to listen to John's. I got most of it.

I see the faces on the other side as we walk out.

All that is coming up for me.

How do I feel today? Married. I am surprised. It does feel different.

First in a civil ceremony way. We are legit. It is the real thing. I have a husband! It is not just a term of endearment.

We were validated. We stood before our family and friends.

And I look at him and know that we are at a deeper level of bonding. Forever. That is a long time.

Here are his vows to me.

Most marriage vows are spoken when we are young, before we even know who we are - much less what we need. Vows filled with promises - to be who we hope is wanted, to do what we think is expected and to do it forever.

The vows I make today — when I am no longer young, when I know who I am, what I offer as well as what I want — these vows are;
to be as reliable as Orion,
to stay as interesting as Franklin and
to complete a journey I am proud to share.

I will keep these vows with gratitude, and joy and serenity.

And I will love you forever.

Sweet, huh?

Oh. The daisies. Out here they call them Margarites.

After one of our last breakups, I had a 'date'. I brought him back to my apartment after dinner. Or maybe we didn't bother with dinner.

We came down the hall and, there at the door, was a galvanized bucket filled with daisies. John had bought the whole thing from some street vendor.

I had to explain and the guy told me that he couldn't come inside with me. He couldn't upset a relationship that was so obviously important.

I wasn't too happy at the time but now I see the event as providential.

Now we have daisies when ever we can think of it.

Today, I saw a lot of people who were there. The reviews are glowing. The word 'perfect' comes up a lot. Or 'the best wedding I have ever been to."

One surprising thing. Many people mention the birds singing so loudly. We do have a lot of birds in our yard.

I was so self centered that I did not hear them. But everyone else did. Great. Atmospherics are important.

Labels: gay wedding, wedding

THE WONDER DOG

In some ways, Franklin has been having a rough time.

On Friday, the house was invaded by 12 family folk from back east. Confusion.

He doesn't much like the pool splashing so that makes things a bit tight negotiating his back yard.

Then Saturday morning a hundred seats were put up in the back area beyond the pool. "This area is for the three p's—patrolling, peeing, and pooping. Not sitting. What is this?"

Then a hundred more people showed up at 2 PM.

We have done this before. I had a birthday party with about a hundred visitors.

He does very well with this. He walks all the time from person to person, gets pets, moves on to the next. Very social. But always on the move.

And that was his strategy yesterday. We had a young dog whisperer keep his eye on Franklin in case he took it in mind to leave or something untoward. But nothing of that kind happened at all.

We were in the guest room, waiting and hiding, so we could not see this.

We waited. The City Councilman came. We signed the papers (actually getting married before we got married at least on paper).

The family and best men gathered. We went outside to wait for our cues and just minutes before we were going to walk in, here comes Franklin. Through the guest room out the door and into the center of our gathering. Always the center.

Everyone made a fuss over him.

He waited with us and when we walked in he came right along right to the head of the gathering. Next to John and me.

He sat through the short service. As we finished and kissed, the people clapped and he barked!

A sharp loud arf!

Jaws dropped.

Later we were accused of training him to do it on cue. No. It is just Franklin's wise way with the world. He has an uncanny ability to pick up his cues and, more importantly, to act on them.

We recessed and he came along and then joined us for the toasts.

I don't remember his being in the recieving line with us until a bit later when things thinned out.

He came up, sat on my foot (a favorite place to sit if you are his special friend) and viewed the scene.

Last night, the best men, in an extraordinary burst of energy, took down all the chairs and we put the entire house back in shape.

Franklin is greatly relieved at this.

Tomorrow morning all the people will be gone and just the three of us will remain. A sigh of relief and some sleep.

He has not taken a nap for two days. He is still asleep in his bed as I type. Two hours after I got up.

It is hard work to be the family Airedale.

Labels: Franklin, gay wedding, wedding

FANTASTIC

Just a few words for the people who hang on my every utterance in the blog.

The wedding was a great success.

Everyone showed up—about a hundred people, the service people showed up as promised, the cake was wonderful, the City Councilman who officiated did a great job and, the best part, we are now married.

Husbands.

Official in the State of California with privileges in Massachusetts, Connecticut and New York who would recognize our marriage if not give us a certificate.

I got my vows out without too much tearing. I got my big laugh line.

See if how can guess which one it was.

I love you.

You are my best friend.

Today I give myself to you in marriage.

We have had better and worst. We've been richer and poorer. We have been together in sickness and in health. We even came close to 'death do us part' a couple of times.

We have cherished and held each other from the first day that we met.

I promise more of the same.

And I promise to work for both of us. Together. To help you be who you are supposed to be, become who you are supposed to become and do what you are supposed to do.

In the care and protection of our Programs. One day at a time.

The day was perfect. Cool. Breezy.

We were right. We did need the other cake layer.

People stayed around. I am sure that we have great photos.

Oh. Did I mention that we are married now?

Labels: gay marriage, gay wedding, wedding

LAST GASPER

This may be my last entry in the blog as a single man.

The momentum has built up so that I suspect that I shall go through with it.

All my kids are here with spouses and kids. What a wonderful reunion. The first where so many have gathered here. A long trek from back east. We are blessed by their presence.

The best men are in place. They sleep in the guest room as I type. One for each of us. Ready to defend and protect.

We have the chairs delivered. The 'altar' is ready. The sound system is in place so that every one of the hundred who will arrive will not miss a word. Or sigh.

Today is a whole ramp up from getting the balloons to icing the drinks (3 a piece). The cake arrives at 11-12. And most crucially, we hope, that the City Councilman will be on time. I call him 'the preacher'.

How do I feel? Well, right now, calm. Like the wind that tore through here during the night fluttering some ribbons on the big display setup in the backyard. A bit ravaged but ready to go, with a little repair.

I will go to a Meeting this morning. The place that makes all of this possible in the first place.

Then we will get through a long march of little details which mean much more to us than anyone attending.

We have lots of help.

The kids, a friend who will be the grand usher. Another who will help people find a place to park (and stay out of the driveway). Another who will prep and serve the drinks. He is paid help. The hardest worker of all.

Did I wander off the question of how I am doing?

Yes.

I don't know how. I do know why though.

I am doing this because, twenty years, ago we put some energy and money behind gay rights in Boston and part of that was the marriage initiative. This finishes that job off.

And, I want what everyone else has. A bond with a belovec husband that ties and nourishes.

A friend wrote the other day. He says it best.

I’m writing to express best wishes to you and John on your big day tomorrow.

All the usual words seem backwards. Instead of “hope” this seems like “proof.” Instead of “anticipation” this seems like “validation.”

I’m happy for you that after years of hiding and shackles you can enjoy the fullness of your relationship. Enjoy tomorrow as the reward for all you’ve done to build and sustain your bond through difficult circumstances.

Blessings on you.

Now. I have to get going. The 'to do list' says that I should eat some breakfast.

Labels: gay wedding, wedding

11001

Gay marriages in California surpass those in Massachusetts

Not that we are looking to break any records. And we do have more people. And we will marry anyone out of state.

Elven thousand! As of this Saturday it will be Eleven Thousand and One.

And here is another statistic. Our county.

County Ranks 4th in State

We are doing our part.

Labels: gay marriage, gay wedding, wedding

CREEPING TENSION

This is the wedding week. Saturday.

I would be less than honest if I didn't say I was nervous about it.

A sort of undefined free floating anxiety. Not intense. But present.

Sometimes I get nervous about everything coming off the way it is "supposed to".

On Saturday, a friend pointed out to me that "we have no idea what to expect so if anything goes wrong we won't know it".

That made sense.

Today is confirmation day. The chairs (the order was lost), the councilman who will marry us, the flowers, the window washer on Friday morning and so on.

This afternoon some final yard work. Cutting of palms and potting an old ficus in a new pot.

I worry, a little, that people will forget or not come or something. Yet, today, everyone I saw was as excited about it as they could be.

One guy has a new job and might not be able to make it but he is trying to get a couple hours off. So nice.

So it is happening.

I will make it.

I don't want to elope any more. And I will show up at the wedding.

We saw the slide show that Dave made for us this morning. We will show it on the video and my computer. Very nice. Teary.

I am also doubling up on my Meetings this week. A suggestion from one of my close-in group. What I would suggest to another. I will do it. I am sure it will help smooth the way.

Labels: gay wedding, wedding

YIKES!!!

Forget the financial crisis! Forget the debate!!!

It suddenly dawned on me that I am getting married in only two weeks from this Saturday.

This came up as I began to look over the 'to do' list. So much to do. This guy is right. I am possessed by the wedding demon.

One 'to do' is to have the grounds 'manicured'. I needed to call Paul and do a walk through. I thought I had a lot of time to do that. NO!

Not later. This week!

Which we did. The guys will be here Wednesday to do the work. Give it a week for the raw edges to heal over.

A lot is already done.

We have almost all the RSVPs back. We will have almost a hundred people here.

I have all of the beverages for the toasts. 3 per person. Will that be enough?

We paid the final balance on the cake.

We have the sound system wrapped up.

And stuff like that. Actually this is on John's list. He has a much longer list than mine. He is doing almost all the work. Bless him.

I gave myself my 'wedding' haircut the other days. Give time for those raw edges to heal also.

So it is happening. People are getting revved up.

One of my daughters' dresses arrived yesterday for hanging and fluffing.

Even the outside world is getting into gear.

Oh. About the picture. It is right in front of the State House in Boston where I passed by for many years.

Just a glimpse of why it is so important that all of us come out and, if we so wish, get married. To just show bastards like this that we have lives too.

Labels: gay marriage, gay rights, wedding

TWO E'S?

I got a scare today.

I have been referring to John as my fiancé. Then I saw that someone spelled it fiancee!

How could I be so wrong?

I am not.

The two ee's are an option especially when you don't use the é thing. Whatever that is. Not an umlau.

Labels: blogging, gay wedding, wedding

WEDDING BELLS

Progress on many fronts.

The flowers are ordered. Yes, flowers.

The sound system is pinned down. Yes, a sound system. We are only going to say the vows once. People should hear them.

The invitees have half responded. Over 50 will be here so far. A bunch still to be heard from.

There is not a lot yet to get started except for the worrying that the baker, the florist, the sound people, the photographer and the chair and tablecloth folks will get here on time with their stuff.

Oh and the grooms too.

I have my vows down cold now. I can say them at the drop of a hat. At least once a day, sometimes more. I don't want to cool off.

Sometimes it seems a bit surreal. That is a good sign, I think. I don't want it to be routine. I want good, gut churning, out of body, high anxiety! An event of great moment.

Labels: gay marriage, gay wedding, wedding

AFTERMATH

After a week of convention attention and gawking at the spectacle of the May-December ticket on the other side, it is time for a rest.

We had a friend visit this weekend. A nice pause.

The weather has been messy.

We are still getting pieces of old hurricanes. Julio broke up on the Yucatan coast last week and spewed on us and the hurricane that flooded Florida did the same on the Gulf Coast later in the week. So we are getting 'imbedded' pieces of humidity and, yesterday, some heavy rain in the morning.

It is all supposed to clear today.

I hope so.

Labor Day is a non event here. Another day without mail.

I will not be following the 'other convention' this week. I have had enough politics for awhile.

I will get stoked again when the debates start.

In the meantime, there is wedding stuff to worry about.

The invitations were sent out Friday and we have the first acceptances. I am wondering, of course, why everyone didn't call immediately upon receiving theirs yesterday.

But I will be patient.

I have been here before. I am the only one I know who will respond to every email, phone message or, yes, wedding invite the moment it arrives.

Labels: life, wedding

PREPPED

We will each have our own and no one is going to know what they are until the event. Real time.

John got his done the other day. I asked and he told me that there were 120 words.

That was a relief. I had no idea what we were shooting for and that seemed just about right to me.

Then he told me that it was 112.

I have been thinking about this for awhile. I had some rough ideas. One idea was a sort of historic treatment. A walk down memory lane. I scratched that one last week.

But there were some good pieces. I kept one idea from that excursion.

Then yesterday, I just got 'inspired' with a second part. I jotted it down. A while later I opened the document titled vows and began writing. It was all done in a few minutes.

I counted the words. 113!

So I cut one word out and now we both have a vow with 112 words. Karmic.

Now I am memorizing them/it.

It isn't too hard. I think I will have it down by October 11th.

Labels: gay wedding, wedding

NO MOVIE TODAY

We addressed the wedding invitations this afternoon.

A hundred twenty people.

There are only a hundred chairs. So we expect some dropouts. Please.

If not, there is the lawn furniture and, of course, one can always apply for SRO places.

I am glad that we ordered that extra layer of cake.

It was quite wonderful to work through the names of close friends who we want to stand /sit with us for this special event. Not to get all soupy about it or anything.

Nothing moist happened. Just a good feeling about it.

We have been here ten years and I think that we know more people than we managed to gather together in Boston in twenty years. We must be doing something differently.

Also this is a smaller town. One tends to have time to attract friends and to cultivate them.

Most of the invitees are couples. Or aspiring singles.

There is an excitement that is most surprising among younger friends who see a power of example. A new freedom for them coming along.

It is very important that we do this, get married. Making a statement and all.

And then there are all the great fringe benefits for us. The surprising emotions. The little tiffs over the arrangements. The sudden realization that we have waited for this all these years.

So unexpected. Such a gift. What a way to finish it off!

Well, not too soon for that part. But we are doing it upside down. Thirty three years before we get to have a honeymoon.

Labels: gay marriage, gay wedding, wedding

TIME OUT / TIME IN

I have been remiss the last few days. Postings here have been slim.

Sorry. It happens.

It does not mean that there is nothing going on in my life. There is actually a lot!

The ice maker in the new refrigerator has to be replaced. I think this is the new quality control system in today's appliances. Don't spend the money in the plant. Send them out the door and then let the consumer trouble shoot. I can't say that the refrigerator we had before didn't have problems. Usually they involved the ice maker. But still. It is OK. It is not the end of the world. A lot worse if the refrigerator quit entirely. We have a bag of ice made of Lake Arrowhead water. Nothing but the best.

Now I am pretty much caught up.

Labels: life, wedding

SOUND MARRIAGE

The sound man came today. A friend. Not another vendor.

He is going to set up the audio speakers and DVD. We will rent the equipment.

He will play the music that I have downloaded.

It is pretty simple, actually.

There will be an array of speakers all around the back yard so we don't have to blare out the sound and piss off the neighborhood. Even though some of the neighbors will be at the wedding.

It is another thing I had not figured on.

Why not a boom box? Set it up in the middle of the yard and lef' 'er go.

No.

I suppose not.

Labels: wedding

COSTUMED

We completed our wedding costume yesterday. I have new pants ordered from Lands End and John went and bought the.........

Well, I can't talk about it.

But we will look great.

It is very exciting.

Tomorrow we talk to the sound guy. Speakers. Where. How.

I have downloaded all the music.

Then this weekend is nut cutting time on the invitations. Six weeks in advance of the date.

We have about 120 people on the list. Then there are the unknown couples.

There are only 100 chairs rented.

Cringe.

It will be fine.

Like I said. Exciting. Mostly in a good way.

Labels: gay wedding, wedding

WEDDING SLOWLY

At the beginning, when we got engaged, the wedding preparations went very fast and furious.

My fiancé went wild with plans and activities. I went somber with the responsibility of keeping it a sacred occasion and not spending too much money.

Fortunately, a quiet compromise was reached on most items and we have reached an amicable equilibrium where the words "our" and "us" and "we" have come more into play.

The slower pace does not mean that we are, in any way, inactive, uncreative, or less excited.

It just means that most of the shit we had to get through has been settled and now there is only a little bit left to do.

This week, for example, we developed a few more problems around the house that would need to be seen to if we were to create a good impression in front of our family and friends.

Only in this kind of inverted situation, where you get married after being together 33 years, does making an impression with the house and grounds become important.

People who get married at the beginning of their relationship have no house and grounds. Just themselves. Not so with us. A shave and a haircut and a crease in the pants won't suffice.

We have new sun curtains across the back sliders and, just incidentally while the guy was here, got sun covers for the skylight in the living room. That has nothing to do with the wedding but it is a collateral cost, you see.

The major thing this week was the realization that the wedding cake we ordered is simply not big enough, in our estimation, to take care of the anticipated crowd. They sold us a cake for 100 people but no matter how I figured it, we would have to have precise cuts of 1x5 inches to get that many pieces out of it.

Worry, worry. So we went back and ordered another layer. I will not tell you how much this fucking addition cost. Let's put it this way. If we put an addition on our house that was this much more, percentage wise, we would have to get a mortgage to handle it.

On another front, I am done downloading the music for the three phases of the proceedings. There is the pre-ceremony music—gay 20th Century American classical music composers—Copeland, Harrison, Rorem and others. Then there is the music for the ceremony itself—four selections from Sondheim and Bernstein musicals (yeh, they are/were gay too). Also, for after the ceremony, a selection of jazz instrumentals of various love songs. In the latter case, I give equal time to 'the straights' by using Brubeck, Evans and Jarrett who, as far as I know, don't have one gay gene in their DNA but are all old favorites of ours. I would have included Chick Corea who is gay but has no 'love song' titles on his iTunes roster.

Am I wandering?

Are you still there?

It is a bit tedious.

But soon, the action will pick up again and we will be frenetic and frantic.

For now, it is Summertime and the Living is Easy.

Labels: gay marriage, wedding

SHADY

As the wedding approaches, we are giving some hard looks at how we look out back. Neat and orderly or messy and in need of fixing?

We decided a couple of weeks ago to replace the eleven year old sun shades across the back sliders. They were all soft with use and beginning to have horizontal rents that would soon be tears. They wouldn't last another year.

Those are now in.

Same color. Same size. These are more anchored. Down at the little corners.

You have to unbuckle them to get out. Or in.

I wonder who will be the first one to go through the shade. They won't rip down. He will bounce off.

My money is on Franklin. But maybe not. He didn't like going under them when they were loose at the corner.As in all 'improvements', this one has led to another new one. We are also getting suncloth shades for the skylights. They will be like a big bag. Drawstring.

I wonder who is going to put them up and take them down.

But they are needed. The heat load of the skylight is pretty high. It is too late to save the faded rug. But it was old anyway.

Labels: repairs, wedding

IT FIGURES

We ordered the wedding cake today.

It was an ordeal.

I suppose that most people would be overjoyed at taking such a step.

I have to say that I am not one of them.

First and foremost, I do not much like cake.

And I hate icing.

So, this is pretty much not my area to be engaged in.

I was like a conscientious objector thrown into the front lines of battle and given a gun to fire.

Ill equipped mentally and physically.

But, it is not really something John can do by himself.

He asked me. I went. Our wedding.

First they bring out all these options. Cake options. Icing options. Filling options. Mousse. Fruit. You have to taste them. Christ.

Then there are the other flavorings. Bits in the cake? Alcoholic beverages in the icing? Cordials.

Have we gotten to the design yet?

No.

You should see the models. All over the shop. It looks like a Victorian whorehouse in there.

Then there are pages of other options.

We had the good fortune of seeing a wedding cake that this place made (they are top of the line) in the newspaper and thought that was what we wanted.

Square boxes on top of one another. Symmetrical. Like steps. Three steps. Get it? Either the first or last three.

White.

No goo gaws at all.

Bang. We cut through the froo fru and ended up with a simple moderne model.

Then the cake. Vanilla. John picked the fillings. I don't eat icing and don't care much about what it is filled with.

We were done in, she said, record time.

I was still depressed afterwards.

I won't tell you how much the fucker cost. 6.50 a slice. A hundred people. You do the math.

But you have to do it.

The main thing is the top. John found the most wonderful figures for the top of the cake that you can imagine.

They will be a sensation.

No not that kind of sensation. Although you can get figures that are fucking in about any position. And these are not the sinful gays we are talking about. These are horny hets.

Anyway, ours are not like that. They are sensationally chaste.

So we had already done that part. We had already picked out the cubic cake.

Maybe that's it.

Once we had the shape and the figures we didn't have any more excitement to squeeze out of the experience.

It will be fine. Even wonderful. It is all good.

What fun!

Labels: gay marriage, wedding