Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Aire boys
Booker came home again today.
A nice box with his "cremains" in it. This will match Franklin's box although I think that Book got a little bit more ornate with his. A black gauze bag and some pin things inside. We are not going to open the bag.
We aren't sure what we are going to do with the ashes. There have been a couple of scenarios.
One is to sneak into our old house's grounds at night and bury them side by side in the garden. I don't think we will do that.
Another is to scatter them in a significant place. That is still under discussion.
I hope that they have found each other wherever that is.
There is a lot of hokum about this and we try not to get to poetic about it. It is certainly so that we want them to be together and in some place other than here.
Isn't that where the idea of heaven comes from? The undeniable finality of death. Hard to accept.
In any case they are in our memories and minds and, in that sense, they are together.
It is astounding to me that they can be such different boys. Pure Airedales follow a strict set of characteristics and they were both show dog material (except for Booker's too large size) but personality wise, quite different. Habits not the same at all except a fixation on eating. Eating anything. Except lettuce leaves.
And, of course, they both loved to be petted and spoiled. Ride in the SUV. They were normal dogs.
We miss them and yet have such happy memories that our hearts are full of gratitude for the privilege to share their lives. I know they would have been good buddies in life. It is nice to think so anyway. Grrrrr.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
ONE YEAR
Tomorrow is Booker's first anniversary with us.
He came a month and two days after Franklin died.
We applied to Southwest Airedale Terrier (SWAT) Rescue just a week after we lost Number One and, after a whirlwind almost 30 day courtship, we hooked up with Booker. His Aunt Rusty who ran what we call "Aierdale Camp" was great with us. A matchmaker of the first order.
He had arrived at SWAT just days before we applied. Kismet. He had lost his mom and his dad couldn't cope.
We drove to Las Vegas to meet him and see if the fit fit. It did. He was wonderful with us from the beginning.
We three piled into a rented SUV at 5 on the morning the nest day and came home to Palm Springs.
He was so excited. So were we.
For the entire trip he stood on the console between John and me and leaned. First on one and then on the other.
He has never done that since. He knew. And was happy with it. So were we.
There is nothing like the weight of a loving dog on your body. The security and confidence that is felt between man and dog is unmistakable when it happens.
Not that everything went smoothly. It took a few days to get planted. He threw up once. He paced around the house.
We had to detrain him from getting up on furniture. He wanted to please and refrained from the beginning.
Notice that I do not say "stopped".
We know that he takes a rest on a sofa or the guest bed when we leave him alone. Sometimes. Not all the time.
Hell, sometimes he does it when we are here!
We are gentle but firm in our "off".
He is an old soul. Patient. Very well disciplined. A hugger. A teaser. And, when he wants, stubbornly assertive of his choices. Pure Airedale.
A wonderful animal who has made this his home and us his soulmates.
What a gift. Thank you Aunt Rusty.
Booker.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
IN MEMORY
Our beloved Franklin died a year ago today.
It still smarts right behind the eyes to write that.
He was a wonderful being.
Yesterday, we put his neck chain and "jewelry" in the cabinet along with his ashes and other mementos.
We had kept it out, hanging on the back of a cabinet door, so we could feel it and hold it. For a long time, it smelled like him.
The other night, Booker was lying in Franklin's place outside. Near the spa on the other side of the little wall.
We figured that Franklin was whispering to him again. A way of commenting on the similarities of the two Airedales.
And then there are the differences. Franklin was and is a unique animal to us. And he does smell different. He was flightier in a good way. Always ready to welcome people and to be petted and adored. He was a character. Sometimes baffling and rarely annoying.
He barked a lot. We had complaints from the neighbor. Only one. The one without a dog.
Franklin wanted to be everyone's friend. Human and dog. Not everyone would cooperate. He would persist.
He did have some enemy dogs and he would not hesitate to try to kick their asses.
Emotional. Volatile. Energetic.
When he got sick at the end, it took awhile to figure what was wrong and then it was too late.
We could not have done anything about it. The cancer was not obvious and it moved fast.
We said goodbye in his favorite spot. The vet, his "best friend" (there were many of those) came over and helped us all along through the process.
It is one of the hardest things that I have every had to go through. Bar none.
Franklin's life compelled us to find an Airedale brother as soon as we could. We missed that unique energy so.
And now we have sedate, powerful, sweet tempered Booker. The gentle giant. He purrs. He "talks" all the time. A low groan not a growl. I have never heard such a thing. Lisa says he is an old soul. He is a looker.
He is not Franklin. He is Booker.
He allows a lot of room in our hearts to mourn and appreciate "the first dog". I think that he knows.
He takes good care of us as we do of him. We have a bargain to make this time together count because, in a way, we thought the time with Franklin would somehow be forever. And it was not. He left early.
Love the ones you are with while they are here. And take their love in return. That is the best Franklin lesson I can think of.
Friday, February 12, 2010
CELEBRITY AIREDALES
Booker's Aunt Rusty sent us this article.
The White House’s First Celebrity Dog
There are some great pictures of this beautiful Airedale. Look midway down and to the right.
He has the same charm.
Charisma.
All of them do.
He is groomed a lot closer than most Airedales and more like we keep Booker.
Slim and trim.
It looks like Laddy Boy wanted some of Harding's glove. That would be more Franklin's trick. He was hot for gloves.
Booker, as in many things, is interested but not avid and will take a bite or two but is really interested in following or leading and helping. That means getting constructively in the way which is also what is going on in this picture.
Airedales usually do not pose. They take over the scene and make it theirs.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
DOG YEARS
Odd, this comes at a time when I have been missing our Franklin who died nine months ago.
Dogs’ Life (and Death) Is a Poignant Tale
Franklin had the same debonair outlook as these dogs. He had more friends than the two of us combined.
There are still people who don't know our names but remember Franklin.
I ran into a former neighbor yesterday who had not heard about Franklin's death.
I thought that I had done all of these stories. Eulogies really.
The guy was struck silent. He mourned with me as I told the headline version.
Of course the good news on the other side of this is Booker who came into our lives not a month after Franklin died.
A miracle. That month seems the longest time. Dogless.
Airedale less.
And Booker has more than met any expectations that I could have for him. He is a wonderful friend and a very special being. He is a gift of the gods. He came to the rescue people two days before we lost Franklin.
Coincidence? Sure. If you want.
But he does not fill in for Franklin. He stands next to him. Sometimes we think that Franklin whispers to him about us.
We know in our hearts that Franklin is irreplaceable as he should be. So much love cannot disappear.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
MEMORY DAY
Franklin would have been 7 years old today.
I still miss him. Sometimes very much.
I don't want the day to be an excursion into sadness.
More, I want to remember what fun he was. What great enthusiasm he had for life.
He had many friends. They still remember him.
Here, eight months later, I still encounter people who do not know that he is gone.
Booker is used to this.
He hears the story again and I talk about how happy we are that he came to live with us. What a joy he is. A great big serene Aire-boy. And I mean it.
He has gone a long way to soothe the pain of Franklin's leaving.
And he is Booker. His own dog. So remarkably different than Franklin that we see him as himself and not as a substitute in any way.
And because of the stark differences in size and temperament Booker hasn't stood in front of Franklin in our experience. He stands aside.
Two great animals. Wonderful beings with whom we share/d a happy life.
So, no more than a few tears today. Or a few lumpy throats. Mostly we will have happy memories of "first dog". I can see him running and jumping up on someone as I type. I hope it is me!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
NOT OVER UNTIL IT IS OVER
I knew that there was one more guy who had not heard about Franklin dying.
He is not here most of the year and when he is here we don't see much of him. He is connected with the Follies show and is on a kind of perpetual grind for its entire season.
And here he comes as Booker and I are coming home from the afternoon walk.
Booker goes right by him. Totally ignored, the guy does a double take. Franklin always went to him and jumped up and made a fuss. Not Booker. He is a stranger to him. Cool Booker.
The guy says "What happened?. He doesn't like me anymore". Joking.
I said "he's not Franklin". Blank face.
I explain. It is hard. Hard for him. His buddy and all. Hard for me, my first dog. I still have mourning.
Booker at the end of the leash looking towards home.
I call him back. He comes. I ask him to say hello to Franklin's friend. And he does. Very sweetly as is Booker's style.
The guy says that he wished he had a treat so he could make friends with Booker. I tell him that he already has and that Booker will remember him.
There are some gulps and sad looks.
We have still not met everyone who knew Franklin.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
OLD STORIES
Booker and I were walking tonight and we met a woman who I sort of know but give a wide berth to. We have history.
A few other neighbors and I interceded with the animal officer about her treatment of her very old golden lab. We had brought it home several times between us. She "didn't know it was out".
Well, I believe that.
Anyway, we have been meeting up a lot lately on the evening walk. She throws balls for her remaining dog up at the top of the hill.
Tonight, somehow, she figured out that Booker is not Franklin who died in April. Booker has been with us since mid May.
It was unavoidable. I went through the whole story again. Franklin's melanoma. Booker's Mom dying, his dad distraught and copeless. All the sad stuff. Then I get to the happy stuff which is Booker with us now.
It is a well practiced routine.
I have done it many many times. So has John. We see and know, casually, a lot of people.
Some, who are close, knew the story from the first days. Now we are down to the way distant people. Even the ones that we "have history with".
It doesn't hurt anymore to tell about Franklin. I do get sad and miss him at times but the sharp pains are gone.
I suppose that it isn't really going to raise emotions by telling someone I feel pretty distant from in the first place.
Anyway, it is a progress.
It is still clear, by the way, that Franklin's memory is not really linked to Booker's presence. They are two different dogs with totally different relations with us.
Franklin's loss is as great as it was the first day but it is now acceptable and the happy times outway the few bad days of losing him.
Soon, the snowbirds will be coming back and I am sure there are a few of them who will need to hear the stories too. They start leaving in May so some of them do not know about Booker. And all.
It is OK. The telling eases the pain over time and it is good to connect with people no matter what the subject. A good spiritual exercise.
I have to admit that I feel a lot more kindly toward the woman tonight than I did before. She was receptive and interested and reactive in a nice way. Very good. Kindness is in short supply these days. I am happy to find it wherever it lurks.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
MOUNT BOOKER
No. Not the location. The activity.
Last night, one more time, we encountered an old Franklin friend who had not heard of his death.
It is fairly easy now to move through the story and not get tripped up with tears. Until we meet a good friend.
We cut through the Steinmart shopping center. It is a nice place. A huge fountain. Cobblestones. A lot of grass.
And there on the grass is a neighbor playing Frisbee with his border collie.
The collie and Franklin have a checkered past. The guy used to (I don't think he does any more and I am glad that he doesn't) bike past with the collie on a long leash running along side.
I think this borders on cruelty to say nothing of danger of accident for both dog and rider.
It used to drive Franklin nuts.
Then, one day we were walking and the man and dog were in front of their house with no leash and the dogs met. Voila! Peace in the valley. Sniff, sniff, BFF!
This helped the guy and I have a few words other than "Goddamit" and we bonded too. No sniffs although I would have liked to. This is one of the handsomest guys in the area. Also the longest pony tail in a half braid woven in with a ribbon. Hunk. Smile to die for. But I digress.
We actually never saw them in the bike combo again but Franklin would decide to walk along to their house and we would find them at home often enough to repeat the trip. We all got to be more friends.
It was hard to tell the story again.
It is not hard with casual acquaintances any more. The other night a couple came along and said "hello Franklin" to Booker and so I told them. They were clearly uncomfortable to hear it. A hello would have been enough. They were not buddies. There are non-dog people who pretend to like dogs. Like that. I would rather they just go past and not fake it. We all know. At least the dog, whoever he is, and I know.
Where was I?
There we were, the two of us, on the grass at the Steinmart center (remember now?) and he was genuinely sad and so was I.
I happened to look over at the dogs who had been nosing and sniffing and saw his collie getting up on Bookers backside. The collie is off leash.
I have never ever had this happen to my dog. Here it is. Now what?
No worry. Booker growled and gave the collie a very mean look, the collie got it and retired from the mount and they were buddies again.
The guy laughed and so did I. The collie, who incidentally is named Boomer, one letter away from Booker, does this a lot. He is not docked. He gives up fairly quickly in most cases I am told. I didn't want to hear about the other cases.
I liked this interaction a lot. The adults kept their cool, Man stuff, eh?
The dogs kept their cool. Just a misunderstanding. Sorry. OK.
Booker didn't even seem nostalgic or envious. Remember. He just got his testicles removed 5-6 weeks ago. Perhaps, in his time, he has done the same here and there.
I like the no-fault aspect of it.
A lot of dog owners have to figure out whose fault it is if two dogs don't get along.
While we are on the mounting issue, if it is an issue, it is amusing to note that another neighbor, an old dithering fart, has a dog that is nasty to Booker. He says that Booker tried to mount his dog.
I see this as wish fulfillment fantasy on the fart's part and a bit of transference. I never saw a single move that Booker made toward his dog's ass beyond the sniff.
Mostly it is about the fart needing to find fault and point a finger.
Not to make a federal case out of it but after the accusation his dog did another snarl, bared teeth, at Booker and on Sunday we had a repeat performance as the dogs come towards each other.
A family conference had already established that we ain't going to play with this dog ever again, so I said, "We aren't getting together". The dithering fart was all indignant about having his dog snubbed.
Such is life in the doggy neighborhood. The thing is that the people get as involved in it as the dogs and there you go. Skirmishes on the social scene.
These are the days that I am glad to be an introvert. No social entanglements deep enough for drama and if there is some I don't give a fuck. It is one sided. I don't play.
We are pretty well convinced Booker is the same. He is fine to say hello, even sweetly, then, off to the walk and no chitter chatting between the humans please and if it has to be endured it will be suffered at the end of the leash looking in the opposite direction.
Boy do I know that position. My favorite.
I want one more thing out of all this writing. Recognition for not once using the phrase "doggy style" in this post.
Friday, May 08, 2009
TWO FEELINGS AT THE SAME TIME
With all the excitement about Booker coming to live with us, I am still in mourning for Franklin.
I expected nothing less but it is an odd mix of feeling.
Like a tropical shower of sadness while the sun is still shining.
I wasn't prepared for this.
I am prepared for the inevitable comparing, Booker—Franklin, and I do not want to do it.
If it starts, I will let it go.
We hope to let Booker be Booker and to stand side by side with Franklin. I am sure that we can do this. Neither dog deserves less.
It is really a stirred up time. Probably good for me. Broken routines, new horizons. All that.
Life goes on.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
ROLLING SADNESS
We seem to have no end of the people we need to tell about Franklin.
Today it was our friend Mark who we used to see every Sunday.
Mark's dog died of old age and now he has a new one. A rescue.
We told the story again. It gets easier but not without its bumps. Everyone who knew Franklin had a different kind of experience of him.
Mark's experience would have been the gentle way that he had with older dogs. He would somehow respect them for their age. He would act appropriately with them. A gentle guy.
It has been over three weeks.
I had to go visit his little cedar box this morning and hold it a little while.
Labels: Franklin
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
TRIGGERS
There are many triggers to the sadness about Franklin's death.
A friend who hasn't heard, a forgotten trick or dog joke, a new situation where he is suddenly not a part.
In today's movie, there was more than a mild stimulus. There is a dog who grows up with the people in the film. He is a great dog. A movie dog. Cuter than cute. Never in the way when anything serious is happening. Well, once.
Towards the end, he is old and starts to limp.
They go to a vet and get a test.
The dog has cancer in the foot. the left rear foot.
They decide to let him go.
Day-Lewis is a doctor and so he takes out his equipment and Binoche holds the dog in her arms and says goodbye.
You couldn't get a closer story to our Franklin's situation. A little spooky actually.
We got through it pretty well. No one had to turn away or turn it off.
We cried together a bit.
Another unavoidable goodbye. A cleansing.
Labels: Franklin
Friday, April 24, 2009
SIGNED UP
We are in the process with adopting an older Airedale.
The focus changed from Phoenix to a coordinator in Las Vegas (actually closer) who we will work with.
We have sent in a rather exhaustive questionnaire and email "talked" with the coordinator. Also a phone call. We like her a lot.
She just got a five year old "Aire boy" whose owner died recently. He is from Reno. She seems to be asking if that is what we are looking for.
I gave an unequivocal "yes". Short of his medical workup which he is to get soon and a picture, he sounds just right.
There could also be other dogs at other coordinators (also foster parents) in the Southwest.
We have talked to some family and friends about it and we have nothing but encouragement.
I even talked to Franklin's vet this morning to give him a heads up that they would call him as a reference.
It is two weeks today that he has been gone. Time moves quickly but the grieving does not. Nor should it.
The advent of a new dog adds color and excitement to the current scene but it in no way erases or fills the hole left by our beautiful boy.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
ASHES TO ASHES
Franklin came back home today.
The vet called this morning and said that his "remains" were ready. John picked them up.
They are in a beautiful cedar box with a little padlock and a plate that says "FRANKLIN" on the top.
Now I realize why it took a week and a half for them to return to us.
The phone call and the box brought up a lot more emotions and tears. A good cleansing.
The box seems heavy.
We were not sure what we would do with the ashes when they returned. I guess we are going to keep them in the box. Right now it is with his two photos that we like the most on the glass table in the dining room.
I have had an emotional 24 hours before the call came.
Not surprising I guess.
Nothing precipitated it. Just missing him. And the routine of being with him gone along with his presence.
We are moving through it.
Not around it.
The ashes help.
Labels: Franklin
Sunday, April 19, 2009
THE LONG WALK
So we did the same Sunday walk that we took with Franklin every week for most of his life. The same route.
He never chose the same walk on any other day at morning or night. Just on Sundays when the three of us did a walk together.
Last week, we tried, but we didn't make it out the driveway. Too much too soon.
This week was a lot better.
There was some sadness. There were sweet memories. We laughed about many events that had occurred over six years.
He was very present in our hearts.
We are doing much better with his death. Accepting. Philosophical. Most of the time.
Several years ago, Franklin visited some special ed kids. A teacher that John knew invited him near the last day of school. And then they did it again another year. Franklin was quite a success with the kids and they with him. He sought out the kid most distant from him, of course, and won him over.
John's friend gave us a framed photo of one of those days. It is a powerful reminder of his ability to make friends with almost everyone. Even those who didn't want to very much.
He has left us with so many happy memories of our life together.
Labels: Franklin
Saturday, April 18, 2009
MISSING FRIEND
Franklin would love this cartoon. It is part of his story.
Something new.
Franklin's best dog friend, Bruno, will not go past the house on his walk but comes into the driveway and sits looking for Franklin.
If we are around, we go out and pat him and that seems to help out.
It is one of those tough moments that tell us how much Franklin meant to others as well as his own close family.
We are doing better. I have been able to use the "d" words for two days now. "Dead". "Died". No euphemisms.
The impossibility of his death has now faded. It is possible. It is real. I guess that was the denial phase of grieving.
More people show up who do not know about it yet.
We went through "the wash" last night on our walk and met two women. One was our neighbor with her dogs. Had to tell the story again. Franklin was a good friend to those dogs too. Always looked them up at their gate. Nose to nose and then on for our walk.
She went on and on about it.
John says that there are people who would wave when he had Franklin on a walk and who, without him, now, don't know who John is.
We are getting along though. The pain has eased. The tears have diminished. We have worked through the weekly cycle of events which trip a thought or a feeling about him.
Time heals. Some.
Labels: Franklin
Friday, April 17, 2009
FRANKLIN
It has been a week since he died.
It still stings.
I went to the super market and talked again with a woman who used to go out on her break to visit with him. It is nice to see and hear her talk about her experience with him.
Then on to the bakery where I told a friend who works there and met a woman I hardly know who expressed her condolences. And a hug.
It is this kind of thing that both stimulates the grief process and, at the same time, gives comfort.
I had a thing this morning about his ashes. I figured they should have them back by now. I was going to call.
John reminded me that they said it could take as long as next Wednesday to get them.
We also agreed that we have no idea what we want to do with them when they arrive.
So no hurry.
We took the evening walk together last night. We really cannot walk anywhere without tracing a path that we would have walked with Franklin.
It is good to have a partner in this process. We are often in different places. When I am down he is pretty much OK and then the reverse is true.
I think this is going to take longer to move through than I thought.
Labels: Franklin
Thursday, April 16, 2009
EACH DAY HEALS A LITTLE
I may have inherited Franklin's sixth sense that his friend Bruno was coming.
I had this itch about it and continued to have it. So I went out front and there he was. He did that high step thing he did for Franklin. His dads were with him, of course.
I don't want to put too much on this but it is a different thing. I am happy to see his friend and to pet him. Bruno is a love sponge.
We talked a little about Franklin and that was enough.
Today will be hard, I think. The woman who cleans our house is coming and she does not know yet. She did not know that he was sick last Thursday. We didn't know ourselves for sure until the afternoon. So it is a no warning thing. They were good buddies.
Labels: Franklin
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
ANOTHER DAY
We are better again.
Today we brought in the little rose memorial from the spot where we let him go. We may use the vase for his ashes.
So, we are kind of eliminating the memorials and stuff. But I wouldn't let John put furniture over his spot in the sunroom even though his bed is gone.
We had a fit of getting another dog yesterday. A denial mechanism for sure as we were looking at Welsh Terriers, a miniature form of Franklin. NO! My sponsor helped cut me off at the pass although I knew it was BS. Sometimes we call a sponsor to tell us what we already know.
Today, no replacements to block the feelings.
Odd that we thought he was holding us together and without him we are closer than ever. Funny about love, huh? Both kinds. Doggy and human.
We are resuming our walks after supper together...the ones we were having before he came to be with us. For a few days there we were walking alone AM and PM as though he were still here. He is not. We are. Nice to be back on the road together.
John took this picture on the last morning. One of his favorite spots. Typically on watch out front. Posing, I am sure, even though he is not looking at the camera.
NORMALIZING
Things seem to be more settled today.
Franklin is gone.
That is the bottom line.
Up to now, it has been about the circumstances, the story.
Now, it is the fact.
There are still feelings of sadness and loss but not the hammer blows of grief. There is a difference.
I can even laugh at this cartoon. Boy, would Franklin like this dog heaven!
People still keep showing up who do not know and need to be told. The woman at the supermarket who used to go visit him on her breaks while John and Franklin sat out in the parking lot waiting for me.
The woman who was his groomer. Very hard. She loved him too. Maybe I should have gone out to tell her in person.
The guy we knew from the evening walks whose last dog had the same thing happen to her just 6-8 weeks ago. He was on the street as I came home from the store. I stopped to tell him. His vet got him a new dog, Buddy, (against his wishes) almost immediately. I got two big wet kisses from the exuberant Buddy.
I am going to start walking after dinner tonight. Alone, of course. John has to do the dishes and his evening activities just as I have my mornings and that is when he will take his walk. Maybe we can get the walks together but, just now, it seems to be a good idea to keep the routine going.
No doubt, there will be people along the way to tell again and again. This is good.
Other parts of life are coming back into focus. I haven't blogged much. I am getting new ideas. Soon.
John wants me to get a new cell phone so mine can become a family backup. We will do that today. I may explain this to you later once I can understand it myself. I think we pour all the card content, his and mine, into my old phone and then we have a backup for both. Simple enough, eh? The guy at the store says that it is.
We can't use John's old phone because it fell into a toilet at a rest stop.
