esrosedotblog

It is worth saying that I am grateful for this blog and the people who read it.

It is a way for me to scratch my writing and performing itches at the same time.

I get some feedback. It is nice. Comments on the site are rare but that is OK. I am not really looking for that.

Of course the blog is a small part of my gratitude but it is important as it focuses some of the activities I am involved with so there is a halo effect.

I am grateful that I have all my marbles and that I can still touch type. I learned this at an advanced age. Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing.. Exhaustive and very good. No talking down.

That is an outcome of the blog. No hunt and peck.

I have a hard movie habit. Nothing in the top ten at the box office. More to the art house side. I like writing about the movies. It helps me appreciate what I saw and rekindles the feelings I had.

There is a lot more. I do not put all the news on the blog. Family, medical, private stuff. I do try to be a model gay man who came out late and still has a family along with a very long relationship with one man. Some of that spills over. A lot, of course, is private.

But the blog helps me sort it out.

Good things arise even when I think about "posts" that I eventually do not publish.

We are not planning much today in the way of celebration. Turkey breast. A new pack that has a baking bag. I thought that technology was dead. But it is the new tech choice of the big turkey brand we have here. It smells good and looks better. Stuffing of course. Out of a box. And sweet potato baked. I made a pumpkin pie yesterday. Overbaked it but you really cannot ruin pumpkin pie.

And that is it. A few calls from the kids. Nice to talk and trade T-day menus and such.

Tomorrow back to normal. Well, as normal as my life gets these days. Some food shopping, a movie, more reading from a series I am currently addicted to. Jay Bell. Dynamite. Gay relationships. Young, old, new, closeted, mostly glorious. Life and death too. In sickness and health. Very good. There are eight of them so far. I am number three. All on the Kindle. The only reading I do now. But they are also in hard.

I am going on and on.

I see that they are asking Hillary to reopen the vote count. Jesus. I have had enough. Even if it means the GOoPers full time.

Labels: gratitude, holidays, life, President Trump

I feel some better today.

Healing.

I skipped a movie and just fooled around. Played solitaire on the internet. Lost again.

Read some of my gay romance book, M on M.

Sat around the house with the dog close and took him out for his peepee when it was time.

I ran around the internet hoping for a few rays of sunshine and was rather successful.

Things are looking quite good in Austria right now.

But that is enough.

I accept my fate.

Soon, I will get to join the Trumpophobes who are already going nuts on the internet. I hope that I can be more serious and, perhaps, a little open minded.

He is not my President yet but he will be and I want to respect that.

And the sun will come up again tomorrow. Here in Palm Springs, that is a near 100% bet.

Labels: life

Today, an interesting article in the NYTimes.

The Insomnia Machine

For a long time, I drank to go to sleep.

Not a good idea. I ended up in deep deep trouble. With the help of doctors and the best recovery program known to man, I was able to climb out of the pit I had dug with that one.

But lack of sleep or the idea of it haunted me for awhile.

No more.

I can go to bed and am gone in minutes.

I had techniques that I used and, still, occasionally use to get on the sleep train. The most dependable method is to focus on my body, one part at a time. Starting from the toes is good. I do not think I have ever gotten to my head. Also a random accounting of all my pieces works too.

One rule. I never get up except for a few minutes to pee but nothing else. This is against the law with sleep specialists.

Naps, too, are prohibited by the specialists. Verboten. I am a rebel here too. I nap every day. I get up early in the morning, wide awake, at 4 AM. Sleeping in does not work for me. But later in the morning, I go back and nap. Not a "power nap" although I perfected that when I did management training. For lunchtime, I would go back to my room and lie down. Zzzzzzz. I could get up on time, sharp, refreshed and go to work. Same now with the longer naps. About an hour and fifteen minutes.

I rarely have any trouble going down for a nap. If I do, I get up and take the message from the universe that a nap is not on my list of activities for the day. This happens rarely.

This could be genetic. I learned it from my Dad. Emulation. Nature and nurture. He could drop down like a rock. And stay there. We worked together for a couple of years. I watched him go to the car and drop off for awhile, snap up in time and be refreshed. I did the same.

Good stuff Dad.

So, I suppose I am not an insomniac at all. In fact, I am convinced that if I thought I had trouble going to sleep I would. Have trouble. This was Dad's trick. He just assumed he would drop off and wake up in time. No worries. Me too.

When I have had some bad "can't sleep" spots here and there I have tried counting but not in a sequence. Usually starting at 300 and counting backward.

Another counting trick that works is to count in threes. Not every other number but every third. I think what happens is the mind rebels against such nonsensical exercise and just shuts down into alpha and beta waves.

I would never eat anything to go to sleep. Warm milk. Yuk.

I have no personal hints.

Perversely, when awake there are some annoying things that can happen that make me sleepy. When I least want to shut my eyes.

One is meditation. Somnolence is considered one of the mind's tricks to keep us from finding whatever it is we are looking for in sitting. Gentle treatment brings us back to the mind through breath.

Meditation is another subject however. The problem there is more the idea that we should be mindless. Not so. Mind-ful-ness means being able to see the mind at work and letting us know about it. Just information going through. Bubbles.

But meditation is a kind of work and my experience that trying to meditate lying down is not a good idea. Not for the soul and not for sleep. In fact, if I meditate in bed I am stoking insomnia by mind focus which is the last thing I need for a good night's rest.

Sometimes when I am at the computer, I get sleepy. Work aversion? I don't know.

Same with reading. Even a good action packed novel which is mostly what I read now. Non-fiction, a guaranteed snooze. But give me a good M/M romance with plenty of sex and I am your master reader. Dozing the farthest thing from my mind.

There are a lot of paradoxes here. A maze. I sympathize with the real insomniac. Thank god I am, ultimately, too much of a sleep hound to miss another opportunity to take a nap.

Finally, let me give you one hint which is of absolutely no practical use. If you have trouble getting to sleep or having naps, get old. The old timer in the rocking chair is no myth, Sleep is the natural haven for the codger. A pick me up for creaky bones and a mental balm for erasing self pity. So, try it. Get old like me and your sleep will come along with you.

It took me almost 80 years though. You may not want to wait that long.

Labels: aging, life, sleep

No surprise that I love routine.

Also no surprise that when we have family visitations, the routine goes out the window and rightly so.

I do not mind a couple days of visiting and going outside for dinner. It is very nice.

It is always good to see the folks and hear what is going on. To tell our stories and get up to date. Fun.

And it is good to get back into the routine.

I know it is important to have a break from the groove and the habit. I plan to go away in a few weeks to do just that. And I will find other means during the year.

But show me a nice routine day and I will sink into it like a pig in the wallows.

Today, I watched the first half of The Unbearable Lightness of Being which is quite long and very good. Sinking into it. A two DVD feature. Finish tomorrow.

Labels: life

I didn't watch a movie today.

I just couldn't.

Partly, I was in the middle of a great book. Gay teen romance. So shoot me. I am sunk into these. An entire genré that I only recently discovered.

The teen and young adult ones fill some inner need. Late coming out. Impoverished gay teen fantasies.

I think that I have written about this before.

When I started this blog I used to write about my reading list but I quit as I realized that it was entirely boring to most of my readers.

First of all, and I say this kindly, I sorta have the idea that no one reads anymore. No one I know.

Certainly not fiction.

And that is my meat and potatoes. Non-fiction puts me to sleep fast.

I am a fan of the "good read".

Gay romance fiction is written, I understand, largely for straight women to read. In fact most of the authors, the good ones too, are women.

What is going on here I wonder?

Possibly that women more than men like romance of any kind. And perhaps gay romance is "safer" somehow.

Could anyone explain this for me?

Is this similar to straight men enjoying lesbian porn? I wonder.

Anyway, on films, my life has been filled with movies.

When I was 14 and had working papers I began to usher at a resort movie house that had a new film every day. Maybe three days a week off season.

Features. First quality.

We even got paid to do this. A pittance but still.

I was an usher. Imagine. Ushers in a movie house.

We had a flashlight and would seat people as they arrived after the starting hour. In those days (listen to me--in those days) there were shorts. Always a newsreel (no teevee so this was it), a travelogue, perhaps a cartoon. Then the feature.

The shorts are gone now. Lost to the theaters and gone to television content.

Here we have a short film festival but this is Palm Springs. Highly specialized audience. Not too close to Hollywood but close enough. We are very fortunate although I do not go any more. I cannot stand the people who go. The chatters and the one-uppers. Standing in line for seats.

Introvert. That's me. Do I have to stand up or put up my hand?

So, the internet is my salvation. Netflix my manna in the desert.

Labels: ilms, life

I have been very lazy this week.

Well, compared to my usual routine.

It is nice to have visitors and it is nice when they leave. Good times ended sweetly are a good thing.

For an older guy, a little bit of extra busy-ness goes a long way.

The basic reality is that I like to loaf and I always have.

I also like to hew to my own routine and not have it change one bit.

Stubborn old fart.

So, I am settling in today. A Meeting, a film, a walk with the dog. Naps.

God I love naps.

But I always have. I attribute any success that I have had to naps. Even when I worked stand up training I would retreat to my room for a ten or twenty minute power nap.

If anyone asked me the secret of a long happy life I would have to include naps in the list.

I learned this from my Dad. Even then, he could go to his car at lunch and do a quickie. Me too.

I also work my awake times for quiet.

I get up before anyone else in the neighborhood and take Marcus out so he can pee. I look at the stars. Always different. I watch the wind. Yes. It can be done. Look at the trees and bushes.

Quiet. Goddam. It is the best way to spend a day. And if that can be alone that is good too.

Here are some nap tips so you can do the same thing. Longer life, happier times, sweet dreams. I like the 90 minute nap. I do it every morning at about ten. Of course, I have gotten up at three or four so it is really a mid day nap for me.

Labels: life

I have missed two days of postings!

Part of this is based on a real event. My husband took ill on a road trip with our daughter and I was preoccupied. (He is recovered and they are due back here any time).

The other reason is that basically, nothing much has happened that I wanted to talk about.

In the world of politics it is all about Trump who I believe has scant chance of every getting through the primaries. Why he has caused such a ruckus with everyone else is a puzzle to me.

His main talent does seem the ability to attract attention.

The Democrats are grinding away at an exercise which can only have one conclusion. It is my belief that the Bern was good but has served its purpose of scaring Hillary Clinton and awakening her campaign into a good training effect for the big time. Let the GOoPers wear themselves out.

It has also been a quiet time for everyone else. Could it be that is because the annual White Party just took place in Palm Springs? No. I didn't even know they were here until last night when some fairly mild and insipid fireworks went up for their last night at the Convention Center.

I sense a slow death to a disco beat for this production. Four-four time drumming them out the door.

The White Parties used to be quite something though. We went once in South Beach and failed to even get through the traffic. We were under motivated.

The family is back together today and that will help a lot and before long we will be back to a more normal pace of life and change a day at a time.

Properly fitted with the right meds, the husband seems to be in fine shape at least by phone.

Labels: life

Jim Harrison, Poet, Novelist and Essayist, Is Dead at 78

I probably did not read everything he wrote but damn near it.

And enjoyed every word too.

Lusty and full of life lived to its fullest, his writing was manly and tough.

In his later years he wrote from a woman's point of view I think to show that he could.

And he could.

I related so much to him.

As I get closer to my end, I realize that the kind of friends that I enjoyed, live or in books, are passing on too.

A long goodbye.

Labels: life, reading

Marcus and I are keeping bachelor hall today and tomorrow morning.

John is in LA to watch the Mormon's sing and dance in their road show.

At least I think they are Mormons, aren't they? Or is it just a musical, all pretend and such?

I guess the latter.

We intend to have fun while he is gone. It is Easter weekend after all. The Bunny comes tonight and Marcus and I will be sitting up to wait for him.

Watch out.

I will be doing my usual things. And I am glad to see that the internet stuff is still working a day after it was fixed. I am always a bit gun-shy when there is a break in the ordinary.

Our weather is very sweet. Cool breezes and, of course, sun.

We are about to walk out and see what is happening with the real bunnies who are back in glorious profusion. Until the coyotes get them. In the mean time they are mental sport for Marcus.

Labels: life

No blogging does not mean "no life".

I have had a lot of correspondence to do and I haven't had anything to report.

In fact there is nothing to report now except that it is raining in Palm Springs, a rare enough occasion. We do need it.

I have watched some films but they have been Teen Wolf episodes. Not bad but nothing anyone else wants to hear. Believe me I have heard that enough to know.

It is their 6th season as far as I am concerned and like Big Bang Theory (the most popular series running) I am way behind the current run.

I suppose that I will catch up some day but in the meantime I wait for the DVD. We do not have a television. So I have to wait.

I also think it takes us longer to recover from a visit. Not the visitor, please note.

But the geriatric life is a routine one. And once the routine is disrupted there is a ripple effect that lasts for awhile.

And, nothing is back to normal. I have not resumed the daily gym visits and in fact will not.

I will be going Monday, Wednesday, Friday. A change not a wipe out.

As for today, I poked myself in the eye last night somehow and have a mildly scratched cornea which is already better than it was.

See? You did not want to know all this.

Labels: drought, life, weather

Never to late to send presents!

But it is not a big one like an "0" or a "5".

Just a kind of pedestrian "79".

But there is nothing everyday about that.

When I was younger, my cohort had a life expectancy of 73.

So I have beaten the odds, whatever they may be.

I have to report that none of the dire expectations that I had about old age have come true.

I am sentient. I am stable on my feet. I have a pretty good memory except for what you said five minutes ago. Wait a few more and I will remember that too.

I am in pretty good shape although it was a bit easier to decide to blow off the gym this week for a variety of reasons that would have not withstood scrutiny a while ago.

I promise to go back there Monday. I do.

There are no special plans that I know of. I asked specifically for a low profile day. Cake of course. Chocolate with vanilla icing.

I can still remember that was the routine when I was a kid.

For some reason the most vivid memory of a birthday is sitting at the head of the table in our first house with me in it and blowing out the candles. I can remember how the candles smelled, the icing tasted and for some reason I see it from another vantage point than my own.

I know it is not in the home movies I saw the other night. I do not think there is trauma involved.

Although it could be that it is 1945 and my Dad is not home from the Navy yet. Hard times.

All in all I have had a pretty good life. I have packed a lot of stuff in. So far.

I have not retired to the rocker yet. That used to be the fate of most guys in "the old days".

No one here will let me and we do not have one of those anyway.

Labels: birthdays, life

My early life is recorded, now indelibly, in home movies.

My Dad was a busy man with an 8mm movie camera.

My son Dave inherited all the films and has committed most or all of them to disc.

So, we watched them (again) last night.

Endless loops of life in those times. The kind that shows up on home movies. Birthdays, travel, mostly mugging by kids and adults. Responding to the whir of the camera.

The camera was a hand wound device with only a short filming period. So everything is blessedly short.

I do not cringe at the sight of my little self anymore. There were years when I left as the home movies came out. My Dad never lacked a reason to show them if there were more than 2 people assembled, including him.

But now, almost 60 years later, I do not cringe. I enjoy the memories. The movies make these things seem as only yesterday. Which in the mind, of course, it is.

And the mugging is not nearly as cringy as I remember it. We are a nice American family living a good life in the Fifties.

And my Dad. Such a handsome man. He had character and charisma. He was a little guy but packed with energy. He loved to star in his own films. I was often the cameraman. My Mom was a little too shaky with it and bored very quickly.

I even got through some of his deer hunting pictures. I used to hate them. Probably because I was not there. Not something that his son could do or wouldn't. I thought he was disappointed in me but decades later he said that he was not disappointed. Not really.

By that time I had done so many things to compensate for him, and for myself, that he could hardly complain.

My Dad is my hero. Is and was. There were the few years of rebellion but they did not last long. We loved each other very much. I knew that early enough to savor it for the rest of our lives together.

It is a real gift to see him there on film. I have my own copy now.

Well, it is on a chip or whatever you call those things plugged into the back of the computer.

Labels: life

Here we go.

Resetting all the goddam clocks again.

The inevitable confusion of what it means to set the clock back.

Spring forward, fall back.

I think it is nuts but then I am an outlier on most things.

I really am indifferent to whether we stay with one time or the other but let's just have one. Please.

It is all horseshit anyway. Originally for the farmers or someone, DST was invented in a time far away.

For me. it means walking the dog before dinner rather than after. He will not mind. Nor will I for that matter.

For me, it will mean a little less more light coming home from the gym. I will get to see the sun on the mountain, I think.

I suppose it is a good thing just to shake us up.

But don't we have enough things that do that?

My computer was still on the old time when I got up and now it suddenly set itself to the "right time". Is that done in Cupertino? Another question about authority and its far reaching consequences. Hah.

Labels: life, seasons, time

One more eco-belief drops by the wayside.

Oops. Not that. It would be litter.

The Reign of Recycling

I dutifully separate my trash.

Fortunately, here, we only have two barrels. Recycle and regular.

In fact, today is the day.

It isn't a big bother to do it. The cans are in the same spot, just throw in one or the other.

When I was a kid, we saved cans and other items for the war effort. Sorry the War Effort.

I found out then that none of it made it to the front or anywhere near it. But flattening cans and saving them made us feel more patriotic. Not a bad thing in and of itself.

I have been amused to see that on our trash day, Monday, they come for the bad trash (brown barrel) in the AM and then return for the good trash (blue barrel) in the PM.

It has occurred to me that maybe it is the same truck, the same dump, the same system once it gets picked up.

But it makes me feel good to recycle some of the stuff and it does raise consciousness about waste and all. Nothing wrong with that.

I also remember during WWII that we collected milkweed pods presumably for life jackets.

I will stay with the program though. Feeling holier than thou is a nice thing. Pride in performing empty acts. Damn close to religion, actually. Genuflect and wave the censer. Here comes the truck.

Labels: life

John left this morning to see some art show in LA.

At the Getty.

I am no longer required to attend these and so I am happy that he went on his own.

Besides, someone needs to baby sit Marcus and that would be me.

I am doing all the alone things.

Favorite spaghetti frozen dinner (Stouffers Lean Cuisine--I adore it) and other alone stuff.

The only down side is the longish morning walk tomorrow but I can do that.

John will be home for dinner tomorrow night and things will tilt back to normal.

I am to sure what it is about the Lean Cuisine. I like it better than the Stouffer normal dish. It is a mystery. I have been tasting it all day. I only have one box. Good thing because I might be led to eat two.

Labels: life

I do not have an iPhone.

I have an old fashioned mobil phone, a flip phone.

And that is fine with me.

The result of this is that I have plenty of time to reflect with and about others.

One of these "studies" that I can make is to observe people who have the phones with screens and all. You know. The highest tech versions.

I see them in the gym. They are working out. A perfectly calm alone time during the day. Do they put their phones down? NO. They can hardly get their reps in before they have to look at the screen.

Some people are actually texting while they work out.

What happened to concentration.

I watch screen people in Meetings. They can not not look at their phones. At some point I will see someone digging the phone out to look. People do not always text back but the reading is constant.

Now this.

Stop Googling. Let’s Talk.

I don't know about this actually. I am an introvert so I don't do that much chit chat. But what I do I do face to face. I cannot abide the idea of texting. For me or anyone else.

Every once in a while I get a text and do not reply. I call and tell the person I do not text. That ends it.

I suppose I suffer a bit from this. People who want to text will just cut someone like me out. Good. I am a confirmed introvert anyway and that means I have a lot less to worry about from the noisome crowd.

Labels: Introvert, life, phony baloney

The internet went out last night for several hours.

A car took out some power poles not far from the house.

For some reason the power and phones were not affected. Just TimefuckingWarner.

Crash closes Ramon Road, causes outage in Palm Springs

This is pretty small potatoes but when it happens to me, it becomes a world tragedy.

What pisses me off is that I want a reason. And calling Time-Warner is a study in frustration. Now, they, wisely, don't even talk to you but block with pre-recorded messages saying that they know nothing but are trying to fix it.

We are in the Orwellian world of double talk.

But what could they tell me anyway? That they don't know anything and they are trying to fix it.

Then it comes to me that if we had television we would have the latest information.

No.

Wait a minute.

The cable is out. No television either.

So I just waited it out and watched the wonderful dance movie again.

Then I went to bed a little earlier for a Saturday Night.

We have not had an outage in a long time. In our old location, it was a frequent occurrence. I thought that was because all the wires here are underground. But that is not the case, I guess.

This is so trivial I am wondering why I am writing about it. Such a safe, secure life where nothing happens. And the cable goes out. Disaster.

Labels: life

Boston will always be my home town.

I adopted it as such when I went to MIT and stayed there for nearly forever. Or at least within 50 miles maximum.

In the last years I lived within a very short distance from the distinctively designed City Hall and it huge expanse of red brick paving on the Cambridge Street side. It was actually our back yard.

I even met John for the first time on the brick field. He worked at City Hall and we were to meet at the T station on the right end. I can still see him coming towards me. I knew it was him.

And it was.

So this comes as a funny shock.

Boston Enlivens City Hall Plaza by Rolling Out Green Carpet

Someone covered it up with fake grass and put in lawn chairs.

An obvious joke but apparently not appreciated by some. There are always a few killjoys.

Labels: Boston, life

I used to stay at the Waldorf whenever I went to New York City.

In its prime.

I loved the place. The rooms, the ambience, the restaurants downstairs.

The desk staff knew me. Caché.

And it was paid by my client who was also rich. And even for the ones who were not, I stayed there anywhere. My philosophy was that if you couldn't afford to put me up well then you couldn't afford me.

My fees were already the highest traffic would bear and a bit more so the expenses should be also.

I remember the coffee shop very well. Oscars. A former head chef's name. Great food. Nice people. I couldn't afford the dining rooms. Nor would/could my clients.

US to shun Chinese-owned Waldorf-Astoria Hotel

Imagine. The Waldorf.

The walls wired for sound. I doubt this but you never know. Besides, I am with the Obamas. Fuck the Chinese wherever possible. Even if it is PR.

Of course, you have to know what they own and these days that can be quietly sheltered. Nothing quiet about this. The Waldorf.

Labels: life

There have been a lot of films reviewed, but no personal news.

No political comments either.

I suppose that I am lying low.

On the personal front, we are back from vacations. Resettling.

I am back at the gym and not to badly out of shape. I kept up this morning pretty well and only looked at my watch about ten times. But I stayed with it. It will get easier.

It is time to renew some activities like the condo complex Board. Signing the checks has been normal but we have not met since June. No one is here and there is not a lot that requires our attention. But we are gearing up for the new season which begins in a few weeks.

There is an owner who is asking to do his own landscaping on common land. Not possible. Gotta get the Landscape Committee on that one. The expenses are under budget. I am ready for the next Treasurer's report as soon as our managers write it up for me. So much for that.

The family is doing fine. I am on dog watch this afternoon. Feed and short walk, while John is off on some business.

The weather is cooling and this morning all the doors opened to temperatures in the 70s.

Welcome autumn.

We even have a few falling leaves off the hibiscus and lantanas which do molt but not quite in the same way as back east. Seasonal but not dramatic. They turn yellow and drop. New small leaves break out and the next thing we know, in October, the bushes will be full again.

There are some tall sycamores on the other side of the complex which are going to have a leaf falling autumn and some of that has started. Love them every year.

So change. Cooler. Back to work.

Labels: condo, life, seasons