esrosedotblog

I do not have an iPhone.

I have an old fashioned mobil phone, a flip phone.

And that is fine with me.

The result of this is that I have plenty of time to reflect with and about others.

One of these "studies" that I can make is to observe people who have the phones with screens and all. You know. The highest tech versions.

I see them in the gym. They are working out. A perfectly calm alone time during the day. Do they put their phones down? NO. They can hardly get their reps in before they have to look at the screen.

Some people are actually texting while they work out.

What happened to concentration.

I watch screen people in Meetings. They can not not look at their phones. At some point I will see someone digging the phone out to look. People do not always text back but the reading is constant.

Now this.

Stop Googling. Let’s Talk.

I don't know about this actually. I am an introvert so I don't do that much chit chat. But what I do I do face to face. I cannot abide the idea of texting. For me or anyone else.

Every once in a while I get a text and do not reply. I call and tell the person I do not text. That ends it.

I suppose I suffer a bit from this. People who want to text will just cut someone like me out. Good. I am a confirmed introvert anyway and that means I have a lot less to worry about from the noisome crowd.

Labels: Introvert, life, phony baloney

Old friends came for dinner last night.

I have known Rob for 37 years or more and then John got to know him. We also spent more time with him during our Provincetown days after he moved there. When we were there for summers.

Along the way he became Rob and Brian and now they have been together for 27 years.

Brian has a sister in La Quinta so they stopped there on a month long west coast trip. Out of the snow drifts so almost any weather will be better than where they came from.

It was nice to see them. Not too long. Just enough. If you know what I mean.

It seems to me that none of has changed. Well, I think that I may have but Rob has not. He wears rimless glasses now.

The funny thing with good old friends is that you can just pick up where you are, almost anywhere and still have a connection.

We do not know any of their friends now nor do they know any of ours. There are a few "what ever happened to" moments but I think there would be only three or four people that we got a rundown on. In a nice loving way of course.

Very nice.

John said he thought it might be our last guest dinner. I don't know why he would say that. Except that I will do almost anything not to do it. It is part of my introvert stuff. So be it.

On the other hand I do like to cook for more than two. So it is a tradeoff. A little visiting as the price for special cooking. Besides, I can hide out in the kitchen if I "need" to.

Labels: Introvert, visitors

Today was more normal than yesterday and I could not be happier.

I went to the gym, the standard workout. All cardio on Mondays.

Then to a Meeting.

Home and naps and dog walking and all the rest.

Then, not normal. John is not here for supper. It is the Palm Springs Film Festival and he has seven or eight tickets. So we are on our own for supper.

He is home tomorrow and Thursday but we will be missing him for the other suppers.

It is a good opportunity for me to work down the frozen entrees that I keep for such occasions. Mostly pasta and salad.

I watched another episode of the "new" Sherlock which I am enjoying. They are all 90 minutes and of very high quality. A movie.

I think that they are using the original stories, some of them, as a template for each show and supplying modern details. Or not. I am new to Sherlock. I never was much interested in the past.

Too formulaic. But so far these are not. Quite original it seems.

In the photo we have Benedict Cumberbatch who is the Sherlock receiving an award at the PSFestival for his work in the Alan Turning film. A nice coincidence on the photo opps. Twofer.

You might wonder, or not, why I didn't go to the film fest me being a film fan and all.

I cannot abide the people. My agoraphobia comes right out.

My last attendance was when some woman ahead of me in line wheeled around and asked what my favorite film was. An impossible question to answer. I knew then that my disinterest in small talk was more than that. I didn't want any personal attention at all. A good insight but it ruined my going to the film festival.

I know this sounds silly but not to someone who is a well structured introvert.

Labels: cooking, films, Introvert, vacation

Actually, I have belonged to this club most, well, all of my life.

An Open Letter from Introverts to Everyone Else

This is so me.

I really like that I live in a desert. Not many people come by. Most run out of water.

I am not a joiner. I really didn't like the results of my early efforts. Or rather the early efforts of the world to get me to mix.

You know, recess? That was hard.

I really never found much benefit from the random or planned social occasion.

I did have a big family all the better to insulate me from glad handing and invitations from the outside. Not many people are going to ask you to show up if you have five kids with you.

When I came out I had to let people know that it was a relative term. Out from being heterosexual which I was not and out from being in the closet which I was. Otherwise, not so much.

I still find myself to be the best company I know of. I do have friends and even belong to a group where most of them share the same feelings. We meet three times a week and work what we call Steps.

If I do anything on Thursday it must might be a visit to this place we all gather and have some fellowship with one another. But probably not. I will very likely, almost certainly have a normal day for me. Go to the gym, come home, be a good husband to a man who has to find his own social life and doesn't need a help mate to get along "out there".

I will nurture a turkey breast and as much regularness as I can cram in.

Did I mention football? Better I do not.

The best I can do is to listen to the open windows that Marcus and I will walk by on our afternoon walk.

Muffled sounds of cheering somewhere out there.

Labels: friends, holidays, Introvert

Every so often, those of us who are introverts get some good and helpful press.

23 Signs You are an Introvert

I do not need 23 signs to know that I am an introvert. And happy to say so. I have been "out" for maybe 15 years. Maybe more.

Many of these items apply or used to.

I am not reforming particularly but the older I get the more I see that there are a few advantages to "coming out of my shell" (one of the items). I do enjoy being with a select few people now and can be gregarious for maybe up to ten minutes before it becomes boring and time consuming.

I do not screen calls from anyone. Period. I used to though. I found that, as a practical necessity (now listen carefully to this) that it was a lot easier to get over people and get them out of the way by answering the phone than to store up messages I did not want to answer. Get it? I have found new technology supports my introvert very nicely. I know who is calling all the time so I have a few seconds to plan my disengagement before I say hello.

Most of the rest of it is true. If anything, truer. I have reached the age where I simply do not go to parties. Period. Never. If you held one for me I would probably not be there. (There is a great movie we just saw that has this as a feature of the hero's behavior). I do not bother now, since I do not have to do it for work, to socialize with anyone that I interact with from a business point of view.

I interview kids for MIT. I do not spend any time at all with them joking around or doing the social shit that MIT wants us to do at local workshops and stuff. I do not even attend their on line workshops for the people who do this interviewing stuff. Not me. Not now. Not ever.

And so on.

I know that there is at least one reader of this blog who is into the introversion thing. He still does some training out there with real clients that he sees on the road. I bet any money that he makes himself scarce around dinner time or goes to another hotel or restaurant to avoid even one of his participants.

Well, I do not know this but I bet. I would be doing that if I still worked.

Labels: Introvert

INTROVERTS ARE BACK

But quietly.

Another article of "explanation" of introversion. Not a pathology. Just another human type that, because it does not extrovertedly announce itself, may be ignored, misunderstood or even thought to be something "wrong".

There is nothing wrong. We just don't want to talk about your opinions or you. Unless we do and then, well, OK, let's talk.

Nine Signs That You Might be an Introvert.

Labels: Introvert

THE INNER MAN

More about introverts.

You know that I have spent my whole life informing the "population" that introverts are not the quiet guy in the corner that they seem to be.

Actually, some of us are working from the inside.

This guy presents introverts as an oppressed minority.

Not me. Fuck that.

I choose my ground and don't waste my time with the noisy gang.

But that has been a lifelong journey.

Labels: Introvert

BOTH

This blog has long been devoted to the INTROVERT and understanding him or her in a social milieu.

The main literature that is always referred to is the article by Caring For Your Introvert by Jonathan Rauch in The Atlantic.

Its most popular reprint of all time. Well, at The Atlantic.

Now comes INTROVERSION THE MOVIE!!

Not really. Did you notice how extroverted I have been about printing INTROVERT? See this.

Labels: Introvert

INTROVERTS REDUX

In 2003, Jonathan Rauch wrote an article in The Atlantic about introverts.

Caring for your Introvert

It has become one of the most read articles in the magazine's history.

I have written about it many times when I have had an introvert accident or meltdown. It has mattered to me more than any other article that I have read in the popular press. Well, this magazine isn't the most popular but it is out there in the general scrum.

I have just found a later interview with Rauch done in 2006 (who, it turns out, is also gay and married to an extrovert).

Introverts of the World Unite!

It is great to see all this again.

The problem with the slogan is that introverts would have to go to meetings and talk to other introverts to "unite". The last thing on any of our minds.

This all came up because there is a new book on society's need for introverts which got a bad review in the Times and I won't buy but glad it brought the subject up and unearthed the interview. Blah blah, I am going back in my corner to watch the crowd and be by myself or, better yet, I will just slip out this open window and go home.

Labels: Introvert

GUESS WHERE I FIT?

I read this blog every day.

Indexed.

I have mentioned it before. Why haven't you gone to read it every day as I do?

Well, some days are a little hard to figure. But most days, wow.

She is a wit, a great social observer and has an uncanny ability to synthesize and get it all into a small graph or diagram.

There was a big party yesterday and I decided not to go a long time before it was to happen. I figured the guilt over not going or the possible reprimand was nothing compared to standing around in the sun watching extroverts have fun.

And you can't go to other introverts to connect because they don't want to either.

So I didn't go and, sure enough, the party boy was disappointed and said so and I felt about three minutes of mild remorse and it was over. I said I was sorry but couldn't come, He asked why I didn't call. What? I just shrugged. Call?

So. Three minutes of discomfort versus the 20 minutes of agony staying there had I gone. No brainer.

Labels: Introvert, Party