esrosedotblog

Actually, I have belonged to this club most, well, all of my life.

An Open Letter from Introverts to Everyone Else

This is so me.

I really like that I live in a desert. Not many people come by. Most run out of water.

I am not a joiner. I really didn't like the results of my early efforts. Or rather the early efforts of the world to get me to mix.

You know, recess? That was hard.

I really never found much benefit from the random or planned social occasion.

I did have a big family all the better to insulate me from glad handing and invitations from the outside. Not many people are going to ask you to show up if you have five kids with you.

When I came out I had to let people know that it was a relative term. Out from being heterosexual which I was not and out from being in the closet which I was. Otherwise, not so much.

I still find myself to be the best company I know of. I do have friends and even belong to a group where most of them share the same feelings. We meet three times a week and work what we call Steps.

If I do anything on Thursday it must might be a visit to this place we all gather and have some fellowship with one another. But probably not. I will very likely, almost certainly have a normal day for me. Go to the gym, come home, be a good husband to a man who has to find his own social life and doesn't need a help mate to get along "out there".

I will nurture a turkey breast and as much regularness as I can cram in.

Did I mention football? Better I do not.

The best I can do is to listen to the open windows that Marcus and I will walk by on our afternoon walk.

Muffled sounds of cheering somewhere out there.

Labels: friends, holidays, Introvert

CHECKING IN

I have not been to the gym in ten days which is like an eon for me.

And I am not going to be there any time soon. Maybe in a couple of weeks, maybe not.

I can't go as long as I have the apparatus in me.

I realized that while I know a lot of people, I have no phone numbers. Nor them of me.

I wondered if they missed me of course but I also knew that I missed seeing them.

So I saddled up this morning and went in.

I couldn't have picked a better day. They were all there. Youseff who I have known for years, Gene the other left winger, Stu and Wayne, who came to us as a set (just friends) when the 24 Hour gym closed, Sol who I know well from another place, the "girls", three intense young women who work out so hard the floor shakes sometimes, Chris the AC guy, my good buddy John whose husband nearly died from a coronary and I could be there for him, Craig who is a muscle head, in a good way, and some others who I nod to. And of course John at the desk who told me that a few had wanted my phone number that he couldn't give them but he would have called me soon to get them off his back.

I even ran into the guy who owns the energy drink place across the plaza on his way in. I see him every month or so.

These are people who I see more or less every day, more often than family. All have some tug on my heart. One way or another. And they like me in return.

Over the years, I have seen people I knew not come back to the gym. I never saw them again. And had no idea what happened to them. They never said goodbye. Of course, some of these never said hello either but there were some who stuck and were friendly. Then gone.

I know that a gym is not the best place to expect any consistency of acquaintance let alone friendship. But still. I miss some of them.

Now, my peeps know I am OK, just not attending now for health reasons but that I am OK, alive, coming back.

I also now have Youseff and John's phone numbers and they mine.

Labels: friends, gym

FIRST DOG

Here is a nice story about the Obama's christmas card.

Story Behind White House Card>

And the card itself.

We sent out our christmas cards a week ago. Our traditional weekend after Thanksgiving.

And we haven't gotten one from anyone else yet.

I am not complaining but why else send the cards?

Just kidding.

John did the cards again this year. I have handed it over to him, I think.

I have done it every year since we were together. Well, once we lived together as a couple.

That would be about thirty years.

So, actually, I shouldn't be the one to be annoyed that we haven't gotten any yet. No effort on my part.

It is a funny practice, holiday cards. That is what we call them now.

There is a hard list of traditions that surround our practice. Full of paradox.

We don't send any cards locally since we will probably see the people to wish them a happy.

We do send them to family who we talk to all the time even though some family don't send them to us. But we don't send them to other people who haven't returned the cards for two years running.

We do send cards to a hard core of friends who still abide by the practice, maybe 40 people plus the family who only communicate through cards.

Every year a couple of people drop off the list.

For all we know they are dead. Although you would think they would write and let us know if that is the case!

They get their two years like anyone else and then poof! They are gone.

Since we do not add to the list at all, well maybe a couple here and there, the list gets smaller all the time. Approaching zero.

That is the year I will begin to send them again and relieve John of the burden.

Labels: friends, holidays

GOING BACK TO THE PAST

The three of us, John, Booker, and I went to the old neighborhood last night and had dinner with Dan and Tom and Bruno, Booker's oldest best friend, at their house.

I had some trepidation. Booker hasn't had much luck making new friends lately, at least when I am walking him, so I got a bit too worried that he and Bruno, after a year, might not hit it off.

I could not have been more mistaken.

Booker knew even before we parked that he was on old familiar ground. And that his friend Bruno was probably just around the corner.

We parked our car inside the wall and they closed the gate. We all got out. Pandemonium. The dogs were off and running from one end of the yard to the other. Running in circles. Play boxing. Bruno is a boxer and Booker can do a slight version of the move.

From a canine point of view the evening was a total success.

Booker was totally well behaved and, even more, friendly and ready to be part of whatever action there was to be.

For some reason that we have never plumbed, Bruno has only one toy. Imagine.

They shared. Very nice boys.

They sort of settled down while we all had dinner. Bruno never has any people food. He has a delicate stomach. It seemed that Booker was holding off his near-to-the-edge-and-almost-falling-into-the-abyss-I-am-not-begging positions. It went very well. In fact if anyone was misbehaving, not much, it was Bruno who gets a treat for going out and peeing quickly. Somehow he wasn't getting it last night. Whine whine.

The going out to pee time was a scramble. I don't think Booker knew what Bruno and his dad were going outside for but there was a mad scramble to catch up. Tom said they peed on the same tree and almost each other.

After supper, we took a walk in the old neighborhood but avoided the old house where we hear there is rancor with the neighbors over barky dogs and a shitty attitude by the new owner. But we don't go there. Just a tsk tsk and on with the show.

We wondered if Booker could still smell his marks after a year away. He didn't say. There are certain dog secrets which will never be revealed.

We grown ups had a great time going over the gossip and who has done what with whom. A lot of short sales and foreclosures. One might have predicted some but a few were shockers. An epidemic.

There was a time a few years ago, right at the maximum bubble that our neighborhood became fashionable. Just in time for these people to get themselves caught. No bubble and under water.

It was nice to be back for awhile. But as we left for home we knew and said out loud what a great move it had been. We are secure and happy and don't have a single string left to the past.

Of course, there is Dan, Tom and Bruno but we can go visit them whenever we want.

Labels: Booker, friends

WHAT NOT TO SAY, WHAT TO DO

I went to the hospital on Sunday. A friend had been admitted the night before with some troubling chest pains down his arm and upper chest.

They started testing immediately.

For now, he is alright. Has to change some things. Will go to a cardiologist.

We have been down that road.

This kind of event comes as a surprise. We are never ready for it whether it happens to us or to someone else.

And there is always that difficulty in knowing what to say.

The day after my visit, I read this in the NYTimes.

'You Look Great’ and Other Lies

I have said and done all of these things on the "do not do" list. I won't go and repeat it all. It is too humilating.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Can I do anything to help? Everything will be OK. It will pass. You look great!

I just finished reading Joyce Carol Oates wonderful book "The Widow" about her experience of the year after her husband died suddenly and without real explanation. That book is full of this kind of shit people say.

One of the astonishing things about her experience is that people sent her gifts. Fruit. Cheese. Harry and David.

She filled trash bins with it.

Of course, she is famous and people like to do things to be remembered. Add that to the list. Don't send fruit. Or cheese.

You could send a note and tell the person not to answer it. Oates couldn't touch her notes of condolence for weeks.

Go clean the house. Buy some groceries.

If it is me, come and gossip and tell me what is going on.

Don't ask to hear all the medical bullshit.

And mostly, if I tell you that I am quitting chemo or radiation or have decided to stop eating, would you support me? Tell me it is OK. Go ahead. It is my life and fuck the meddlesome experimenting doctors. Extending life for a few months is bullshit. Maybe longer is too. I don't want to talk about it. Just support me.

But not today. I feel fine.

And, oh. The most important part. Don't stay any longer than twenty minutes. Maybe fifteen.

This is one thing that I am really good at when I visit. The quick departure.

Labels: friends, health

AFTERMATH

We had all the visitors over the weekend. It was good.

John's friend from 50 years ago showed up with his wife and they all went to lunch. The wife got to hear the two reminisce. I missed out.

Then our friend Randy came for an overnight. Good time had by all. Booker fell in love all over again.

Yesterday an old business friend, alienated for 20 years, came into town, emailed about getting together and we said yes.

It went well. Not a long time. An amend for the past was made to me and accepted. I had forgiven any grievance a long time ago but it was nice to hear it anyway. It was a bit indirect but the meaning came through. They stayed an hour. They were with friends so they packaged it nicely for the friends to come back and pick them up.

Just what I would have done. No open ended visits for me.

So I don't know if we will see any of them again. Well, Randy. Of course. It was great he was here between. He provided a nice meat in an anxious sandwich. Not meat. He is a vegetarian. But you know what I mean.

Labels: friends, nostalgia

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE

Yesterday, at the gym, I passed one of the young guys who work out as early as I do.

I said "hey, how are you?". He said "Wonderful! I'm at the gym".

I knew instantly what he meant. I feel the same way.

I like to work out, to ride the bike and get my wind up. I like the limited work with weights that I do now.

And on top of that, for the first time, really, I have a few friends that I can say hello to quickly with a bit of "story" and move along to the next thing.

I look forward to seeing them and they seem pleased to see me.

I have never been a chatter in the gym. I want to work out and focus and do what I came to do. All my friends do the same. But they do allow little bursts, a mutual agreement. "

"We are not going to get into anything too deeply but here I am, there you are and it is nice to have it that way."

It is amazing how, over time, every day a minute or two, you can enlarge understanding and build a relationship. Bit by bit.

Every once in awhile it spills over into too much. But not often and that is manageable.

It is a wonderful way to start the day. I have been doing it for nigh onto 25 years.

Labels: friends, gym

FULL DAY

It is one of those days where I have been behind for the whole thing. Or feeling like it.

This morning, the gym, of course, then off to grocery shopping where John and Booker meet me after their walk the same distance and route. I pass them on the way but do not beep anymore since I found, in my study for the driver's test, that it is illegal!

Back from the store, put away, and off to the dentist for the first steps toward being crowned. The impressions, the drilling, the fitting with a temporary. It is about an hour's work.

Then home and the guys (John and our two handy young friends, a couple, the Steves) are putting in the new disposall which is the Badger Insinkerator. Just like the one that got taken out.

I am an observer only for this one.

Then, PetSmart with John and Booker for the bimonthly (if that means every two months) for Booker's food.

Wouldn't it be great if we all had kibble? We wouldn't need new refrigerators. Of course, Booker eats a lot of stuff that comes out of the refrigerator too.

Then emails. God, I am having a lot of letter writing lately. It is very nice but it is taking time from the blog. And writing energy.

I am up to it though and hope to have my stamina up a bit higher soon. It is really up there already. It is just the volume that is going on. It is nice. It means that I am in touch with a lot of people who are away from me.

On to the dog walk, through the desert and down to Shakey's Pizza that has a trash barrel outside. For the products of the walk, nice timing and placement.

If you walk a dog regularly you get to know where all the trash barrels are in all directions.

Then home and prep supper and now this.

Dinner soon, maybe spa and that will be it for the day. A good one.

And the crown work never hurt. Not even the "pinch" of the novocaine going in. Which, I think is not novocaine any more but something else with some dope in it. I was a bit hazy afterwards.

Labels: appliances, Booker, friends, life