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John went to the Rose Bowl Parade today.

Marcus and I dropped him at the bus stop at 5 AM.

He has reported in from time to time.

He did have a good time. The bus tickets include seats on some bleachers. They reserved 1.5 feet per person. Apparently there were some no shows so God was looking after John and his neighbors. They did OK.

The parade was as expected but there is no substitution for seeing it live. Television cannot capture it. I know this but I still didn't want to see the parade.

The Wells Fargo float had a stage coach (their hot brand identity) with horses, of course, and sitting on the top in the shotgun seat was an airedale terrier. Classy.

And 20 mules pulling a borax wagon. You might be aware that borax comes from the desert just north of us. They don't use the 20 mule teams anymore though. Except for parades.

As for Marcus and me, we stayed home and enjoyed the quiet of no people at all.

Crowds bug me more now than ever and I do my best to avoid them. Like going to the super market at 6AM and so on.

This post is not really about me but since I mostly sat at home and head gay romance novels. Today it is better to write about someone else.

Labels: holidays

You know, there are some things that one has always wondered about but they are so insignificant that one never bothered to look them/it up.

So it is with Boxing Day

My British and Canadian friends refer to it but as in some cultural questions I pretend I know what it is so I can feel a part of the crowd.

I know.

How immature of me.

So, it is the box with a present or with cash one gives to the servants the day after Christmas.

They have to wait a day? Nothing like reinforcing the class system.

I do remember the SNL skit about the dick in a box. Still funny after all these iterations.

That is all.

I feel somewhat relieved as this is one of those life long confusions which has never really been solved for me.

It is perhaps a gift of seniority. The ability to look back over one's life, find gaps in knowledge or experience, and try to fill them in.

Is this like a bucket list?

I do not have one if it is. Incidentally I do not plan on either sky diving or any other kind of daredevil thing before I scoot off this mortal coil. My bucket list is very short. I have done most of the stuff I thought I wanted to do and a few things it turned out that I didn't want to do at all.

Labels: holidays

I have been waiting for the holiday blues to hit.

You know, that sudden feeling that the whole thing will not turn out well?

The memories of being eight years old and not getting what you asked for?

It is not a big thing.

But these days can be a cliff hanger in the feelings department.

At my age one would think I would be over it all. One would be wrong.

It is not deep and abiding but it is there. The feeling of impending doom or that stuff will happen to spoil the magic.

Then I go look at the tree that John put up. The lights, the red bead garlands.

I go look at the rest of our wonderful desert home and consider the happiness we have in being here in this place.

Soon I will go to a room of friends who have the same feelings and we will talk and laugh about our mix of childish and entitled thoughts. Our lack of being in the present.

When one takes this perspective, things change quite radically.

The other day we all talked about gratitude and its importance in placing us in contentment.

It isn't too hard to generate some gratitude. Not by comparing me with others but to simply count my blessings.

The usual clichés. Friends, family, comfort. But also the ability to still think straight at my age and to put more attention to others. To be of service where possible. To be quiet and hear the still voices of the season. The ones which remind us/me to keep first things first.

I guess I will quit waiting for the blues and start listening for the jingle.

Labels: holidays

I mentioned that our outside lights are up and running.

Flash, flash. Twinkle.

Now we are into the second day of our annual advent "tree". It is an advent calendar made of two wooden trees that we bought a long time ago. One tree was not enough. The two somehow satisfy. So John glued them together.

There are a set of little drawers at the bottom and each holds two little ornaments.

We take turns opening a drawer and putting the ornaments on.

This is done together of course.

After 40 years together there are a lot of little traditions that are followed without question.

Very few are given up.

This one is sure to endure because it is a lot of fun. Even Marcus, who has seen two of these ceremonies, gets excited. Not that he has a clue WTF is going on.

He is not our child by any means. He is a wonderful dog who has a sixth sense about what is happening in the house. So we include him. It makes him happy. Us too.

At this holiday time he makes a good surrogate for other family which is so far away back east.

Labels: holidays, traditions

Labels: holidays

Finally.It is the week after Thanksgiving and, therefore, time to put up the outdoor lights.

As I type, John is applying the net of white bluish lights to the outside of the front wall.

I think that he will be able to get the long inner lit icicles up before dark.

Time will tell.

We are on a busy corner in the complex. That means about one car every two or three minutes. A veritable traffic jam.

But they will all see our lights as they turn the corner and then drive for a hundred yards.

We do not blink but we can and do flicker.

The lights will stay up through the New Year.

When I was a kid they would not put the tree up until Christmas Eve. But I had a little manger scene for the fireplace in which I placed a light set I had made from hardware gear. I hid them under angel hair, a nice name for spun glass which turned out to be toxic. I probably still have some granules in my lungs.

Like any closeted gay kid, this was one of the big moments when I could indulge my fairy ways without criticism or snide looks.

Not that I had any of that in my home or larger family. Really.

They all suspected but no one said a word. Well, my Aunt Glen I suppose because she had an idea that her son Phillip and I were doing it on the sly.

Actually, he was the instigator. It is the straight ones who always want to play pee-pee or some other game. The gay boys are too terrified they will be found out. For the hets, it is "normal".

But I digress.

The lights are the beginning of a long set of little traditions we have set into place and we will, as always, have fun with them.

I should note, I suppose, that while I take the credit for bragging about all this, that it is my husband who does all the work.

This is the upside of my willingness to turn the house into a light show.

Besides, he does a very good job and who am I to stand in the way of creativity.

Labels: holidays

It is worth saying that I am grateful for this blog and the people who read it.

It is a way for me to scratch my writing and performing itches at the same time.

I get some feedback. It is nice. Comments on the site are rare but that is OK. I am not really looking for that.

Of course the blog is a small part of my gratitude but it is important as it focuses some of the activities I am involved with so there is a halo effect.

I am grateful that I have all my marbles and that I can still touch type. I learned this at an advanced age. Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing.. Exhaustive and very good. No talking down.

That is an outcome of the blog. No hunt and peck.

I have a hard movie habit. Nothing in the top ten at the box office. More to the art house side. I like writing about the movies. It helps me appreciate what I saw and rekindles the feelings I had.

There is a lot more. I do not put all the news on the blog. Family, medical, private stuff. I do try to be a model gay man who came out late and still has a family along with a very long relationship with one man. Some of that spills over. A lot, of course, is private.

But the blog helps me sort it out.

Good things arise even when I think about "posts" that I eventually do not publish.

We are not planning much today in the way of celebration. Turkey breast. A new pack that has a baking bag. I thought that technology was dead. But it is the new tech choice of the big turkey brand we have here. It smells good and looks better. Stuffing of course. Out of a box. And sweet potato baked. I made a pumpkin pie yesterday. Overbaked it but you really cannot ruin pumpkin pie.

And that is it. A few calls from the kids. Nice to talk and trade T-day menus and such.

Tomorrow back to normal. Well, as normal as my life gets these days. Some food shopping, a movie, more reading from a series I am currently addicted to. Jay Bell. Dynamite. Gay relationships. Young, old, new, closeted, mostly glorious. Life and death too. In sickness and health. Very good. There are eight of them so far. I am number three. All on the Kindle. The only reading I do now. But they are also in hard.

I am going on and on.

I see that they are asking Hillary to reopen the vote count. Jesus. I have had enough. Even if it means the GOoPers full time.

Labels: gratitude, holidays, life, President Trump

We have had our plastic pumpkin up for awhile. Lit with a little bulb inside.

Tonight is the grand finale.

We do not get trick or treaters as a rule but I am ready if we do. The big thing is that I can eat the leftovers with only moderate guilt.

Halloween is "the gay's" Mardi Gras. Costumes, Drag outfits. Wigs. Spangles.

There is a big party here which went on Saturday and I had to listen to all the stuff about it this morning.

I just smile and sit it out.

My costume days are over. John and I went as Hershey Kisses one year. That was the highest mark. We didn't win so fuck it. Never again. It is a lot of trouble.

We always have the light on but there is a gate and it is not easy to get into the complex. There are no kids here. None.

It will be over soon.

I have put in my time at this.

When our kids were little we went up and down the streets with them year after year. I had fun with it. Then they got too big for it and so we passed a milestone. Another change. Like the end of Santa Claus.

I am not at all nostalgic about it. I am glad we did it and I am glad it is over.

I threw out all my drag equipment which actually was more clown drag than the real thing. I have never understood this compulsion to dress up as a woman. I probably should turn in my gay card.

Labels: halloween, holidays

When I was a kid, Memorial Day was a serious business.

You have to put yourself in the setting of the time.

World War II was just over. Perhaps three years when I first got to participate.

Then there was the Korean War. More dead.

In reality there were just two soldiers from our town who were killed. Their names adorned the American Legion Post.

One was buried in one graveyard, another in another. Word was that there wasn't much to bury in the one but they went through the forms.

So people would meet at the Consolidated School where I went for twelve years.

Then a lineup. A color guard. My Dad carried for the Navy one year.

Then vets from all the wars. Old timers, newcomers.

Then, I don't know.

Somewhere in there were the Scouts. I was not a Scout. Then the school kids. Not optional participation.

We went to the graveyards and a firing squad saluted over the grave of the year. Blanks.

Some words were said. We went home.

Before that and even to this day, graves were decorated. Decoration Day is the old name for it. This dates back to Civil War times.

All of this seems a bit morbid to me now.

My Dad took it seriously though. He had been in the Navy. Volunteered. The war was never over for him.

He had bad dreams, he had a piece of shrapnel in his neck, gift of a kamikaze. He was in the North Atlantic escorting ships back and forth. Then in the Pacific.

We placed flags on all the veteran graves. Little ones.

And so on.

Now, I don't know if any of that is done. Remembrance.

Now that we are in a kind of perpetual war time the past all seems quaint somehow.

Now Memorial Day is just another long weekend for a lot of people. We have not been in a war for a long time. Except the continuing great war with the Muslims.

Religion again.

Have fun, have hot dogs. Go see the parade. We will have a huge one here. Overflights and all.

To me, it is just kind of depressing.

Labels: holidays, war and peace

Today is one of those manufactured long weekend holidays.

When I was a kid, we had closed school on two days. The birthdays of Washington and Lincoln.

But then they wrapped them together and added other Presidents, sort of like Mount Rushmore, and we are off and running.

So I still stick with the two and try to remember each of them separately on their assigned day.

Washington was the first President and a rich slave owning land owner. I have been to Mount Vernon. It is pretty nice. He needed these slaves.

I also remember about Washington's teeth. That they were wood. Now, I find that is not true. He had falsies but they were made of some other material which now I forget and am not going to look up.

I was told that he never told a lie. A lie as it turns out. And that he threw a dollar across the river. No one is clear which river exactly and now I read that it was not a dollar but something else.

I can hardly pay attention.

Then we have Lincoln's birthday. Lincoln is nothing like Washington. Not an aristocrat. Born in a log cabin. A good orator. I delivered his Gettysburg Address when I was a kid. On Memorial Day.

Patriotic horse shit.

I disavow it.

Then there were the other Presidents. These have been scooped up and including here apparently to avoid having to have any more commemorative holidays for Presidents, dead or alive or future.

For example, no dice on a George Bush day, either George. Imagine that. Some crazed GOoPer might try it.

The term "patriots" also allows a default setting for other guys who did not make presidential timber.

In Boston we had Paul Revere's day. A fabled run to warn the citizens that the British were coming.

And there are others. All cut off from their special day, a Monday holiday or not.

It was smart to lump it all together.

The true fact is that no one, not one person other than me, is meditating on patriots today. They are out doing long weekend things.

And that is the other thing. When they boiled it all down and fused them, they made all the birthday boys be celebrated on the third Monday of the month of February.

And so, here we are.

Basically, a day without mail.

Labels: holidays

Brought up in Eastern Pennsylvania, I was years ahead of y'all in knowing about Groundhog Day.

Now, it is a movie, an annual tongue in cheek celebration and, probably, a big commercial event where there is some money to be made out of a humble old fashioned custom.

The usual modern travesty made over from some nice old folklore.

There is nothing special about Punxsutawney other than the groundhog. They made it up and appropriated it.

Not many people know about groundhogs anyway.

They are grumbly, generally unfriendly cusses better left alone.

I understand that the 'hog did not cast nor see his shadow.

Groundhog Day: Punxsutawney Phil Did Not See His Shadow

Spring is just around the corner!

In Punxsutawney anyway.

Labels: history, holidays, Pennsylvania

Not because it is a holiday but because we had a condo board meeting and there is other stuff as well.

I am sorry but I am one of the people who has no investment in MLK. Great guy, hero to many, but not on my radar.

I suppose that is racist or thought to be for some. But then that is the whole thing around MLK. There is no ignoring him. Or no being detached.

Well, I am.

Now is the time for me to say that I am not a racist.

Or that some of my best friends are black.

Or some such thing.

But it would be a lie.

In my time and place there has been no connection other than professional.

To say that race makes no difference to me is, in itself racist. I think.

I have gone far enough here.

From an early age I went with my Dad to the black community, such as it was, in my little rural town.

Then there was Mr. Morgan who drove a woody station wagon and ran the whole servant thing at the local ritzy hotel.

No one in my house ever used the n word. Ever.

But this was rural Pennsylvania. Appalachia. Without the hotel we would all have been white trash hillbillies but we didn't use those words either.

When I went to college the only brown skins were Indians. A little hard to take because of the culture but still OK.

So I am tone deaf.

That said, I live in Palm Springs California which is carefully curated to be lily white. I didn't do it but someone did and does.

There are no blacks in our condo complex either.

I don't know why I am going on about it.

I grew up and live in a racist society and I am not proud of it but that is how I have turned out.

Here, in California, the emphasis is on Mexican culture and that separation. White people keep thing pretty well controlled.

That will do for now.

I have no more to say on it.

I am not capable of a decent discussion of the issues or the scene.

Labels: holidays, race

We are climbing out of the holiday hole, slowly and surely.

It was a nice period of time, nicely sandwiched between Fridays.

Not that this matters much any more, being retired and all. But somehow the power of the weekend still holds on tight.

We had a good time.

The phone calls were appreciated, the packages that came all arrived on time and with gratitude.

We listened, a bit, to the holiday songs.

And now it is over.

For many years I carried a lot of drama around this time of year but now, as I mellow out, the feelings have tempered and I can take it all calmly and, except for the occasional inconvenience, gently.

The tree is always nice to have and John scattered some of our decorations, the ones we have kept through two big moves.

There are still some things still in the garage. Couldn't let go of them and no room to put them.

Right out of the box, we are having the first day of the Palm Springs International Film Festival. John will attend. I gave up on it many years ago. Too many people and a headache quantity of movies in too short a time. The codger syndromes set in for me.

Now, I tret it as a nice period where we will skip family dinner a few days and I will listen to the plots and story lines as well as some of the dialog from films my husband has seen.

Not that this is a bad thing. It is pretty much the same as seeing friends who just went to Europe and can't wait to tell us all about it even though 90% of it is a "you had to be there" kind of experience.

I suppose I could also recite the plot of our days without him being here. Feeding the dog, the pleasure of frozen entree dinners, the quiet and aloneness.

But I will not. It is enough not to have to shoulder through the crowds, endure the asinine comments of people who feel a need to talk on line and the smell of popcorn. That awful fake butter smell.

I will stop here.

Life is good when you do not have to do anything you do not want to do any more. Especially for the ungregarious, the loners, the counter dependents who choose to be their own company.

Am I protesting too much?

Labels: films, holidays

I always liked the Dickens model of Christmas.

Three different pictures of the day; the past, the future and the present.

It helps me not to Scrooge out on a day like this and remember that today is the only day I have (yeh, a cliché´, right?) and the other two are miasmas.

But it has been OK to have drifting memories, the nice ones. For some reason the past has become a lot milder and pleasant. My Dad cutting a tree off our little woods lot. The trees my wife and I had together as each kid came along. One actually born on Christmas. Hi Sara!

The year John had separated but somehow ended up having dinner with his Mom and his best friend Bill.

Was that Christmas? Or New Years?

And so on.

It is a nice walk down memory lane and if I can stay on the healthy side with it, a time for gratitude for all the good things that have happened to me in my (now longer than expected) life.

Which brings up the future. Something I think about but no longer obsess over.

For one thing, the worries about what is down the road are gone.

Somewhere, along the path, I lost the nagging anxiety in my chest, the ache of anticipation. Wow. It is just not there. Talk about the gift of time.

My Dad once told me that everything he worried about in life turned out to be OK.

The best advice/non-advice I ever got.

My Dad was a great guy. Tough as nails and all mush on the inside. There were difficult times with us but in the last years, a warm and abiding love and sharing about stuff occurred which is a gift for all seasons and still abides with me.

I know he was proud of me and toward the end he told me how happy he was that I finally ended up safe and secure.

He even sucked up the news that I was gay and soldiered on. I remember the first time he met John.

It was nerve wracking. But as we sat at the dining room table I realized that he and my husband were sharing Navy stories, ships they had been on and all that. They had found a stout rope to tie themselves together. One that did not involve me. But that was not this holiday. Some other time. But it still comes up. The main men in my life.

Well not to get too soppy about it. Sentimental. Nostalgic.

What about the present? I just lit the tree we have used for a few years. It is the very best one. A "spruce" which will live forever. All white lights. There are some nice packages underneath. We have a happy home and it is very peaceful this morning.

I was going to sleep in late but only made an hour until four. This is my week off from the gym and I have enjoyed it but sleeping in has not really been much of a benefit. I am awake and up. The habits of an "old man" who has no idea he is old. Another blessing.

Our plans for the day are simple, I think. We will take our time and open gifts. Later there will be a full bird chicken dinner. Then after we will all get in the car and go look at holiday lights all around the desert. An annual rite.

And that will be enough.

When I got up the wind was howling! And then it stopped.

When Marcus and I went out to pee it was beautiful and calm.

An apt metaphor.

Calm after the storm.

Kind of cheesy but there you are.

Have a good day wherever you are. And Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas.

Labels: holidays

Moving to sunny California certainly canceled the idea of a "white Christmas" for us.

But the reality this week is even bleaker.

Cloudy and damp and gloomy all the day.

We are persevering nonetheless.

Onward and upward.

And upward, there is now some white stuff on the highest mountains.

It has not only been unseasonably warm it continues to be a drought here.

Seasons? What happened to seasons? I notice that even back East the idea of global warming seems to get hammered home each year.

But, I am not to be deterred.

The tree looks great and the lights outside shine and glisten. It is our compensation for snow.

In the meantime, the holidays bear down. I am prepared.

Remember that tomorrow is my husband's birthday.

The little boy in a manager will take second fiddle.

Santa will not provide these gifts only wrapped today.

He has ordered his own cake. OK by me.

It is funny how over the years these holidays break down into some basic ideas.

Get the other person what you want. Let them do the work if they want to. And, above all, get over it and be ready for the resumption of a normal way of life around January 2d.

Labels: holidays

They opened up the auxiliary parking lot at the airport yesterday.

This morning, they are ¾ full. By the end of the day they will be down to the last spaces. It is a huge lot.

A lot of people here are snowbirds and will be going back home for a long weekend to eat turkey and gloat to family about coming back to the winter paradise of Palm Springs.

As a balance, there will be a lot of visitors coming in.

This is a big destination for the holidays even though it is not listed in this article.

Pumpkin Pie in Miami: Thanksgiving Flight Patterns

What we will not see are the people who will be coming here for the holiday.

We offer about the same weather as everywhere but Montana. Cold this morning. In the forties.

But later on today you will not find a better place for eating turkey.

It will be in the 80s and, as usual, dry. A dry warmth. Lots of sun.

Our policy is to never ever travel on a holiday. We stay at home. But then, at my age, I am not much into traveling anywhere. I am here. This is the place I would like to travel to.

We will have another couple here for dinner, over from Long Beach. The one, a friend from back east many years ago. It will be nice to see him and his newish boyfriend.

A quiet good time.

I am roasting a good size organic, chemical free, free range chicken to suit the visiting diets which are mostly close to no meat at all. Exception today. I will have stuffing of course. And mashed sweet potatoes along with cooked apples. Cinnamon.

And I am about to make a pumpkin pie for desert.

And that will be my day.

The gym was open this morning but will close later and not open until 7AM tomorrow. That will leave me out. At 7 I will be contemplating my mid morning nap. Such is life in the fast lane of retirement.

Labels: holidays

Labor Day is still a significant holiday for some working people.

I suppose.

When I was a kid, I was a member of a union for awhile. The Retail Clerks International Federation.

As far as I could tell, they collected our dues and that was about it.

Contracts were instituted with the food chains and wages were subject to negotiation.

Today, labor unions are still an entity but not nearly as influential as they were at that time.

Now Labor Day exists in the absence of serious union activity. It has become a time for tired political speeches and a lot of nice talk about the "working people".

I didn't stop working when I quit the union and went to college. I became a middle manager. There have been attempts to organize managers and office workers but most of the action today is pretty meek and mild. Some would say that the unions have been co-opted by management. I would say that the unions just ran out of steam.

When is the last time you heard about a national strike in this country?

Of course, liberal labor laws have helped a great deal.

I started working when I was 14. You had to have working papers. It was some kind of protection. Employers were forced to behave in specific ways for young workers who at that time were the most victimized workers of all. Not too far away from my home, little kids had worked as coal pickers. Virtual slaves.

Now, Labor Day is just a day off for those who labor. For me, it is a day without mail. And some memories.

Also a little sadness that I never got to march on a picket line. I had to use the peace movement and gay liberation as an excuse to get into the streets.

More history at First Labor Day Parade nearly had no music, no marchers

Labels: holidays, work

Today is Father's Day in the US.

A made up holiday but a nice one.

I certainly enjoy the attention.

Phone calls from kids, greetings, a present for "us" from the husband. Beautiful bed sheets, very high thread count. Black on black.

You are never too old for sexy bedsheets.

From Marcus a few trinkets. He is a good boy and knows for sure who is Dads are and what day it is. Every day is Dad's day for him.

And so on.

I know that it is a commercialized initiative but I don't care. There are other fake holidays that are more strongly associated with religion or even the national historical myths.

In any case, if it applies, Happy Father's Day to you. Where ever you are.

I have to think of my Dad who was so special for me. He is still quite alive in my heart.

Labels: fathers, holidays

When I was a kid, Memorial Day meant a lot.

For one thing there was a half day of school the day before or nearest which commenced with a short service around our flag pole and then a walk of over a mile to a nearby cemetery where we paid our respects to the war dead. And any one else.

This day had been Decoration Day which denoted the activity of cleaning up gravesites, A hard winter would have played hell with plants and grass and the like.

This was before the Monday designation so the day fell on the 30th of May. No matter what. Hotel reservations, long weekends notwithstanding.

I was a child of the Second World War and we did have our remembrance of the local dead. One kid. His mother was always at the memorialization. His cousins were in classes around mine. Jimmy Evans. Another kid, Blitz was the name, seemed to have no family. At least not around the flag and stuff.

My Dad had been on the Navy. Too old to be drafted he volunteered. He was a radar man on a ship, a Destroyer Escort going back and forth over the North Atlantic. Finally the Pacific. He never got over it. Dreams. Craziness. Battle fatigue, I suppose.

Wars were on our minds. We had just lived through the World War and then there was the Korean War. Yeh, I know, a police action but if you died in it the distinction is not too important.

For the holiday, they always had a firing squad at the graveyard. Then we went home. Incidentally, before they were pacified they were not Japanese. None of that. It took a long time to get over the hurt. My Dad never did, ever. The "nips" -- Nipponese.

It was all very somber. War was close. Near to our hearts.

It was also the time of our fear of the red menace.

I remember that as kids we turned quickly from war games with "Japs" (Germans was too touchy, most of us were close descendants of Germans). Which morphed into Koreans. The same thing we thought.

Flags were at half staff. People slowed down. Quiet lay over the land.

Now it is burgers and shit and who even thinks about "foreign wars"?

Labels: holidays

John got a small patch of fake grass and some candy eggs. Some jelly beans.

It is really for us. That is our sum and substance of having a holiday.

Gotta have jelly beans.

We had a family walk this morning and that was nice. We have missed a few weeks because of my small ailments. Sore leg. I forget.

It was nice to be back in the routine again.

I am sure Marcus thought so too. I think.

Today's movie was the third disc of the third season of Big Bang Theory which still holds up well.

It is important that I let some time between viewings. That said, I will watch the second part of the season tomorrow.

Labels: holidays