esrosedotblog

The thing about gay marriage is the difference between approving of it and actually doing it.

We were early adopters of all the California gay marriage initiatives and even moved to a place where the percentage of gay marriage is very high.

Up to now there has been no data to support this contention but now there is. Or at least a good stab at the matter through the filing of joint tax returns.

The Most Detailed Map of Gay Marriage in America

That dark orange splotch at the bottom of California is our area of the State. Palm Springs and surrounds. See the chart below the map at the link.

As a percentage we top all but the largest urban enclaves of gay men and women.

We are not running for first prize in this. But we can be proud that we put our actions where are beliefs are.

One of the abiding disappointments of the gay marriage movement is that more couples did not take steps to get married at the time. But that is changing. The momentum is there now and we can expect a lot more matrimony between gay couples.

There was a lot of argument about whether gay marriage was "needed". After all, gay men coupled and stayed with each other for many years.

Many families had its "uncles" who lived with "a friend". Room mates. We were asked at the beginning if we were "room mates".

We have always answered that with a definite "no, we are lovers". Then "partners". Now husbands.

For those who think it doesn't matter, just try it. Or ask any gay couple how it felt to tie the knot. You will get a loud affirmative. It changed everything. In a good way. We were joined and joined society. The whole reason for marriage in the first place. Even the cave men knew it.

Labels: gay marriage, Palm Springs

I was raised in the Methodist Church.

I even thought that I had a calling to be a preacher there.

Kid dreams.

But the spiritual aspect of religion has always had me be involved in one way or another.

I became an amateur church organist and played in several Methodist Churches even up to my time living in Plymouth Mass. On a wonderful old tracker organ in which the pipes are physically linked to the keyboard by a unique tracker system. Direct. Not electric valves.

I played a Hammond Organ. Several other kinds.

My mind wandered while the services went on. But I never thought that what they were calling sin had anything to do with me.

Then things changed. Somehow gay rights kicked the props out of a lot of church orthodoxy. It never occurred until then that there were actually homo members in the pews and hilariously or not, quite a number in the pulpit.

A hornets nest.

I ended up playing in an American Baptist Convention Church which was almost as liberal as the Unitarians. Our pastor went on vigils and marched against the war.

And then I dropped out.

My performance turned to management training. I didn't need the organ any more for my "look at me" needs.

This is a long story but I will get there.

Time went on and the Methodists turned right. More conservative all the time.

Now the battle has been joined. Ministers and Bishops are rebelling.

This Methodist Church Is Marrying Two Gay Men In An Act Of Civil Disobedience

Right in fucking North Carolina.

Amazing.

One more example of why it is so important to come out and demand equality.

Labels: gay marriage, gay rights

When talking about gay rights, we don't want to assume the work is all done.

But the tide has turned.

Mormons Say Duty to Law on Same-Sex Marriage Trumps Faith

These are the Mormons who have all but said that same sex love is counterfeit and the usual claptrap. Or craptrap. My spell check doesn't like the word I used.

We really do not want to cram it down anyone's throat. So to speak. But the law now says we have equal rights including marriage. The Supremes made it so.

And countless true Christians whose faith is inclusive and not based on damnation and hell have gone along with it. All that.

I have slowed down reporting on gay rights because they are becoming a matter of course. But the bigots still hang out every so often.

The Mormons have always been an immensely practical religion or set of beliefs about how one should conduct one's life. Here, a new lesson for the day. Actually the golden rule. You know, that doing to others thing?

Labels: gay marriage, gay rights

Does this still exist?

Outward Bound I mean.

Yes. It does.

Now, down to business. I only pulled that title out of my ass for another purpose.

Today is National Coming Out Day!

It also happens to coincide with our officially sanctioned California Prop. 8 Marriage in 2008.

Happy anniversary to us.

Admittedly, we have several anniversaries. The first is April 1 when we met. Actually somewhere near that time. We chose the Fools Day date for obvious reasons.

I am not sure that we chose this date to marry because of the NCOD significance or not. I will ask my spouse. I know it had something to do with getting the family travel all aligned.

By the time we got married, or could get married, we had been together for almost 22 years.

Veterans.

As far as coming out is concerned, it has been a long steady process and now, I figure, no one I know thinks I am a heterosexual. My friends tell me that there could be no doubt. I exhibit all the "stuff".

It is funny but there is still a part of me, and I think many older gay men, that still fears being outed. We hid so long that it became second nature.

I could hardly pass today. Even if I wanted to. But there is still some lingering worry I might look gay. They drill this shit into you pretty early and it stays very late.

Labels: coming out, gay marriage

I ranted against Ben Carson for being ignorant, below.

Then I realized that I had no idea about how the Romans did the deed. With guys or not.

Of course, the answer is timeless and universal. There have always been homosexuals. It is just how society reacted to it that makes the cultures different.

Here is the Roman story.

Homosexuality in Ancient Rome

Here as usual, the real discussion is about who is on top. Or the bottom.

Short answer, in Ancient Rome, both.

The Romans liked to do it and they did it many ways. One of the key elements was the idea of submission. Nothing new there. But in Rome there were castes and, if you remember from your homo-childhood fantasies, if any*, there were slaves.

You could do whatever you wanted to do with slaves and no one paid much attention.

The author Mary Renault made a mint of money with this whole idea. Gay sex and romance is rife in most of her quite successful novels.

I am happy to believe that there have always been gay people whether up or down or in or out. Even upside down.

Sometimes it takes a little longer to realize how this all works even for one's self. But once you get over the idea that it is anyone else's business, you can have a good time of it.

Incidentally, this is probably the first time that I have put an image of explicit sex in this blog. Just a note on this. I decided long ago that no one wants to see other people having it off. Not really. Unless you are a voyeur and there are a lot better media to get one's rocks off watching than a blog post.

This is not technically true. You can get aroused by anything anywhere but sometimes it is a bit like thinking of baseball scores while diddling on an internet picture. Now action videos, well........

* a copout here. I left room for never having any homo fantasies. Young or otherwise. When I am pretty sure that everyone has them at least through puberty and that they can be pretty hot.

Labels: gay history, gay marriage

This is not new but it is the first time I have seen it done.

An obituary in which the husband of the dead man is listed as the survivor.

Daniel Levins, Dancer in Classical Ballet and Films, Dies at 61

It is a sad time for his friends and family but the fact that he is remembered as a gay man with a husband is very important. I am in the same situation and don't much give a shit about my obituary as I will not see it. But my husband's will list me as his husband.

(Note to family here).

Gay marriage, like all marriages, has two sides. The beginning and end.

Of course, we now qualify for divorce but that is another subject and, as far as I can see, rarely the end. Divorces drag and become weights on all the necks involved.

The phrase is "until death do us part".

I said it when we got married after waiting so long and I want it all.

Our sympathy to Daniel Levin's husband as well as his family.

Labels: gay marriage

So, they are all caving.

Some holdouts. But recalcitrance in the face of the law is not unusual.

After Same-Sex Marriage Ruling, Southern States Fall in Line

The South will rise to the occasion, I am sure. Some little firefights here and there.

They owe no less to their gay and lesbian citizens to say nothing of their frequent adherence to "the rule of law" as an offense against minorities.

The tables turn.

The south is slow to move with the tide. They are behind on race, still. But they are part of us so patience is called for.

The grip of the evangelicals is strong in these states and if there is anyone who has lost badly with this it is the christers.

Or the ones who skew the "word of god" to their own message. But that is another story for another time.

Labels: gay marriage, gay rights

It is well worth paying attention to the language in the last paragraph of the Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage.

This is highly charged emotional language which is compelling and forceful. It gives lie to the idea that laws are cold and indifferent.

The author is Anthony Kennedy.

Our hero.

Labels: gay marriage, gay rights

Labels: gay marriage

Labels: gay marriage, gay rights

They came through.

Gay Marriage Upheld by Supreme Court in Close Ruling

Very close for sure, but the score is not the point.

We have waited a long time for this.

I did not expect to see it in my lifetime.

My heart is very full. I don't have a lot to say. I think that I have said it all.

When there was no decision yesterday, I figured it would be a longer wait.

This is so good. Tears. Joy, sadness for the ones who did not see it happen. All that.

"Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization's oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right."......Justice Anthony Kennedy.

Labels: gay marriage

The wing nuts think they have a lock on defending the family.

This delusion is what might just upset their apple cart. Defining "family" as a tightly run heterosexual and, probably, god fearing, church going unit, they fail to see that for years, gay men and women have been making their own family units. And, as a result encouraging many heterosexual groups, not all couples incidentally, to redefine their notions of marriage as well.

What has turned it is the kids.

Gay couples have been getting kids through adoption or surrogate activities foe quite awhile now and the evidence is in and quite clear that families do not suffer in the present of gay principals. I would not go so far as to claim that gay marriages are better for kids. I do not have that prejudice which so many hets have.

But I do know that my own family has flourished from the presence of a gay dad other than myself. And now, grandchildren. Who come visit on their own. Their two granddads.

Today, another article about gay kids.

How kids became the strongest argument for same-sex marriage

How dare these assholes disparage my family. My kids. My marriage.

While I do not often use such derogatory terms, I consider these people to be evil. Flat out. Mean, bigoted and sometimes so crazed with their surety that they do no good and sometimes seriously harm others.

Labels: gay adoption, gay families, gay history, gay marriage, gay rights

And go out and buy a bottle!

Times sure are a-changin'.

Labels: gay friends, gay life, gay marriage, gay rights

I am happy to say that I am married to my former "Certified Domestic Partner" John.

Now we are over that nonsense. He is my husband.

Is this an important distinction? To be married instead of just "partners". Emphatically yes. It felt different from the completion of the "I do" we each spoke.

It took a long time to break through the useless rigamarole that even "liberals" conceived. Just to cover up the reality that we still were second class citizens.

Now, in California, no more. We had the entire State vote and we got legitimatized.

And, now we hope to go national.

Gay Marriage's Moment

I don't know what the Supremes will do. There is suspense.

I want this for everyone.

If the hard right on the Court prevails, then the battle is not over. We will resume.

What do "the gays" want?

Simple.

To be accepted and have full respect from our fellow citizens. Respect. No more jokes. No more "tolerance".

I have a friend who says that he does not want to be "tolerated". Neither do I.

Acceptance. Pure and simple. Is that too much to ask?

For some, yes. It will take time but time will tell.

Labels: gay history, gay marriage, gay rights

It is spreading.

In Early Vote Count, Ireland Appears Set to Legalize Gay Marriage: Ireland appeared poised to become the world’s first nation to approve same-sex marriage by a popular vote on Saturday, with early vote counts showing strong and broad support for a measure that would have been unthinkable just a few years ago in what had traditionally been a Roman Catholic stronghold. Not long after counting began at Dublin Castle, a government complex that was once the epicenter of British rule, the leader of the opposition, David Quinn, director of the Iona Institute, conceded the outcome in a tweet: “Congratulations to the Yes side. Well done.” Both proponents and opponents said the only remaining question was the size of the victory for approval. Ronan Mullen, an Irish senator and one of only a few politicians to oppose the measure, predicted the win would be “substantial.” The official results will be announced this afternoon. The referendum changes Ireland’s Constitution so that marriages between two people would be legal “without distinction as to their sex.”

Labels: gay marriage, gay rights

Courage and determination have marked the gay rights and gay marriage movements from the beginning.

Here are the first guys to get a license and to marry.

The Same-Sex Couple Who Got a Marriage License in 1971

In 1971, I was still pondering the decision I would make three years later to come out as a gay man.

These guys made it through the Federal Court system and got a one line rejection from the Supreme Court to hear their appeal.

They got married anyway, as many of us did eventually. John and I got married two times, maybe three. First was a commitment ceremony, then we had a real (defrocked) Methodist minister do it again.

Finally here in Palm Springs, in the first brief window before they took our legislated rights away again, we had our vows. Eventually when Prop 8 was passed on the ballot, we really really got married. A license and a certificate and all. They hang on the wall behind me.

I know. I know. A lot of people think that it doesn't matter. I am here to tell you that it does matter. A committed relationship is not the same as a marriage. You know, we have to conform to all the laws anyone else does. It is all in that one word. Marriage. And you don't have to right any more down. The recognition that all loving couples get through the system is a validation and a true acknowledgement that gender does not have to do with marriage. Love does.

I can still feel how it was when I looked at John and said "I do". Deep down inside. Full bore marriage. There is no other word for it that can carry the same weight.

Labels: gay marriage

John Roberts, the supremest Supreme has been a stealth supporter of gay rights or, rather, a stealth nonsupporter of discriminatory laws.

Today was no exception.

Justice Roberts revives an old argument that could save gay marriage

Fundamentally, there lurks an issue about gender discrimination in the laws passed. It is a kind of obvious but, until now, subtle distinction.

As I get it, by banning gay marriage, say between two men, then the action discriminates against men. Limiting their rights because they are male.

A bit of a mind bender.

And very interesting.

I would like a clean cut ban but if they want to dice and slice it law by law then it is fine with me. It is just a lot of work for everyone that could be saved with a clean slate decision.

Labels: gay marriage, gay rights

For all the men and women who didn't get a vote or a decision or a chance.

But took the leap anyway.

Labels: gay marriage

This article from today's NYTimes is a basic schooling in the gay rights/gay marriage debates.

Lawyers Seek Sea Change on Gay Rights at Supreme Court

It is important because the Supreme Court is going to hear the cases in four states that have passed anti-gay marriage legislation.

There are many paths which their decision might take but when examined under a cold light, as in this article, it is pretty clear that there are only several possible ways for them to approach the issue.

I do not want to go into the article's points. It is a lot better that you read it and make your own conclusions. You might be more or less optimistic than I am as a result of reading it.

My own take?

I am optimistic that they will clear away a lot of the brush on this.

The main argument against gay marriage has to do with some arcane understanding of the religious rights of people who hate gay marriage. Upside down.

It is true that my marriage to my husband John is an affront to some people. Somewhere. I never see them. They, in fact, never see me in any way that is openminded and inquisitive.

It is as though the lines have been drawn and people stand on either side with no interest in further discussion.

Guilty as charged.

I am not interested in dialog.

This is why we have a Supreme Court.

I just hope they do their job. That means to be clear and concise and definitive. Not squishy and divisive.

The issue will not go away. If not this year, next.

"The gays" are going to continue to couple to the dismay of some busybodies who cannot comprehend that the "sanctity of marriage" extends to all. Or is not sacred at all.

Underneath this all, not very deep, is the old abiding tension between church and state.

A traditional struggle.

Dueling moralities.

Labels: christist watch, gay marriage, gay rights

If you read this blog then you probably have had a larger than normal dose of gay marriage news.

Well, too bad. That is the news that most interests me right now. Not just because I am gay and married to another gay man, good old Prop. 8.

Thanks California!

It is because it is one of the signal issues of our time. Prying human rights out of the biased and pathological clutches of the established religions.

It hasn't always been this way.

I grew up as a Methodist, a loose amalgam of social gospel that fit almost any congregation. Depended on the preacher. And, of course, the congregation.

I stayed with it for a long time because I played organ and the only place you could do that was in a church. Or a bar.

The Hammond Organ which I learned as a kid is/was a regular bar fixture. There is one in Palm Springs. I have played it.

But I digress.

What brings me to this subject again is this:

It’s Not Gay Marriage vs. the Church Anymore

Change is coming, has come. Of course will come. And as "they told us" being out and proud about all of it makes the bigots and jesusnuts so crazy they can't provide a cogent argument why we should not marry or have equal rights or anything else.

And this blazes the trail for a deeper fuller understanding of human rights in general. Rather than resent us, the NAACP and all those people who want the stage to themselves ought to thank us.

Well, often, gay rights collides directly with the ingrained homophobia of even the most liberal black people. Sorry. True. And sorry not to say it but sorry it is still like that. Wake up you.

Labels: gay marriage, gay rights