esrosedotblog

Last week, Booker was having trouble breathing and he was not eating well.

We went to see Dr. Cutler and she did tests and took X-rays. The report was a bad one. There were growths in his lungs and also in his spleen. There was a dim chance that this could be a fungus in the lungs which is not good news but treatable. The spleen growth said otherwise. Fungus does not spread. He clearly began to not feel well.

He was not evidently in pain but was not able to do much and the last few days he did not want to go for a walk. He could sit and look at the sky and trees and enjoy the air but no walking. This happened when Franklin began his ending. We have his famous picture in the front yard looking into the sky. It is the one we kept and look at.

So, reluctantly, we decided that it was best to say goodbye to our friend Booker.

Dr. Cutler came to the house and we gathered round so we could all have a last snuggle.

We are OK. There is the rational part of it which is some comfort. He was 13. We shared our lives together for just one week shy of five years. He was/is a great guy. Full of heart and love. A hugger. If a dog can hug he would be a champion.

Sadness comes and goes but the reality is that we have no right to expect more than nature is willing to provide.

Taking the sad with the glad is more than a philosophical principle. It is a practice.

So we are practicing away.

Thank you for your good thoughts.

Labels: Booker

It has been a long time since I wrote about Sarah Fucking Palin.

Mostly, I suppose, because she has been under the radar.

Large Christian Organization Starts Petition Against Sarah Palin

How the mighty have fallen. Or are falling.

Even the fan club can't take this bitch any more.

True colors shown.

Well, she did sort of go over the line. "…Water-boarding is how we baptize terrorists."

Sing out Sarah!

Labels: wingnuts

Today's movie was a quest film.

It was not received well. No distribution, no reviews. One knucklehead "don't like" on the IMDb site.

Too bad. I liked it very much and tried to give another review but I couldn't figure it out.

The Hour of Living (2012)

Theo is looking for someone who knew his Dad who died, suicide, he found him, when he was ten.

He finds his Dad's best friend George. Finally. It takes a long time because no one will tell him outright about his Dad but keep referring him on to others. When he discovers that George is the one who knows most, he sets out for the Alps where George has isolated himself.

He finds out his Dad's story. And George's.

The usual thing. The loyal husband and Dad could not bring himself to go off with George or, wait a minute. Is that what really happened? We find out. So does Theo.

In a way, do does George.

There is a lot of talk but it is the kind of talk I wanted to hear. And see. It is filmed in the Alps, for the most part. Extraordinary. Breathtaking.

This is a gay movie only because some of the people in it are gay. Theo does not know this before he searches for his father's story. The realization of the truth is not a big deal. It is the truth. He finally knows.

This is a wonderful film. I bought it on someone else's say so. It is one more example of a great film that gets buried. Totally. I found out about it because someone reviewed the DVD in their blog. Almost word of mouth.

I have it. I will watch it again. It is a keeper. So, it is a Netflix5 out of 5.

Oh. It is filmed in the Alps, for the most part. Extraordinary.

Labels: films, gay films

Today's film was a recreation of the 80 gay scene.

Interior. Leather Bar (2013)

Produced by James Franco, who also appears, goes back to the scenes for the film Cruising and supplies his idea of the famous segment that was cut so that they could get distribution. It fatally wounded the movie.

This is not the scene. No one has seen the scene. It is gone. But we do see and hear about the scene and, to some extent, it is created. I guess re-created since it did exist at one time.

This is a good, interesting film and is well worth seeing. It is not X-rated or, if it is, it should not be. It is pretty tame. And so was Cruising for that matter. Just before its time.

Franco is an interesting guy. He skirts around gay projects by expressing his desire to end censorship which is commendable. Some try and make something from this but his personal sexuality is not so much the issue as a belief that you have to be gay to do gay films. Balderdash. And, if he is a closet case, it is a great sublimation as his work benefits the gay population. A public service.

And lord, is he handsome and nicely spoken. He is well worth watching as are most other people in this, the people who he asked for help and gave it. These are the people who were suppressed and rejected, their work more or less forgotten.

I will give this a 4 out of Netflix5.

Labels: films, gay films

This is a nice change of pace.

Religious Group Files a Beautifully Trolly Lawsuit Against North Carolina's Gay Marriage Ban

I tend to hear only the bad shit from the christians but there are a lot of them who are in support of gays. In fact, a lot of christians happen to be gay!

I am mostly disappointed when those who should do not stand up against the right wing bigots.

Filing a suit is going an extra mile and I am grateful for their initiative.

Labels: gay marriage, religion

Today's movie is a German, gay sitcom.

Men to Kiss (2012)

I enjoyed it but have to admit to a little FF.

The rest of this is spoilers so watch out. Since it is pretty much formula there isn't anything I can really do to steal the suspense.

An ideal gay couple runs into trouble when one of their exes turns up as a sex changed woman still bent on having her old boyfriend.

Needless to say, the present and actual boyfriend doesn't like her. But we know, if his partner takes most of the film to find out, she is a bitch. Not that far from a nasty queen which was her previous identity.

There are great friends to come to the aid of the jilted boyfriend and various schemes are put into play to undo the home wrecker. Many of these verge on slapstick and are, actually, pretty good.

One thing about the ideal couple is that until now they have never had a fight. Even the bitch goddess points this out.

Well, to say the least, they now manage to have a fight. Long and continuous and face to face. The dumb ass who doesn't see through his ex is enlightened finally and "she" gets her due. We do not see this and I was disappointed. But the main thing is reaching the happy ending. They have had their fight, they know they are in love and so through a great montage they live happily more or less forever. At least as long as it takes them to take a long trip together to NYC and other places in fast fast motion. Must have cost a pretty penny to do this, locations and all. A paid for vacation for crew and cast I suppose. This was quite a fun part of it.

One thing that is outstanding is that despite the hi-jinks the sex scenes are quite good. These guys really really love each other and lust is not only alive but kicking up its heels.

I will give this a 3 out of Netflix5 and, to be honest, do not feel tempted to add it to our gay film collection. It is good but not that good. Besides those DVDs have to be a five to get there.

Labels: films, gay flms

Today is the annual, the 22d Annual White Party. Well, the weekend.

It is very quiet this year. Good.

I suppose there will be fireworks tonight or tomorrow if they are running Monday which is bad for Booker but we know how to handle that. Get in the car and ride around. Or just cover his ears.

We once decided to attend one of these, known as "circuit parties". We were not on the circuit but still had it in mind sort of. It took us a long time to get over our late coming out. We worried we were missing all the fun.

We were in Miami, or maybe it was South Beach, when theirs ran and so we bought tickets. Not cheap. Then, we realized that the party was going to take place late at night. And it was hard to get to. And when we faced reality we knew it was just the wrong place for us. So we didn't go.

I visit our local Party vicariously. I watch my friend John prepare for attending. The workouts, the looksism. John is a nice guy. He does not need this. But maybe he does. He is hot as the hinges of hell (is that hot enough) and his partner is older whatever that means. I never met him. So he attends as both a partier and arm candy. Who am I to judge?

Besides, tomorrow morning but probably Tuesday, I am going to get the lowdown on the party and how it went for him. Not long. Just between sets. How he and I communicate.

I have to say that I do not know one guy who is in recovery who goes. Those days are over and it is too much for most people. We do not even have anyone visiting our Meetings from this event. Usually when there is a big gay function in town we get several guys who are visiting. Not for sober people, really.

The Party is right over there on the other side of the trees at the Convention Center. It is hard to ignore but actually I only heard the disco drumbeat once today for awhile. It is windy here and so it is probably blowing in the right direction.

Fun? I think not. All those people!

Labels: gay fun

Today's movie is a western with suits. Bad guy, good guys who preserver, a complicated tale of greed with retribution at the end. Not a spoiler. Everyone knows, right?

The thing people disagree about is whether the director Martin Scorcese made the punishment fit the crime or whether he was glorifying it. Hey, this is a movie. They gotta sell tickets and keep you in your seats. The old rules apply, villainy is a lot more interesting than gallantry.

That is why Leornard DiCaprio can take on a role in which he hurts a lot of people.

Yes, the film is

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

I liked it but it takes a long time to get through. I think 2 hours is enough for any film no matter who the director is. No matter the star.

So, I admit it. I FF'd in the second half. Enough already.

There is some talk about how Scorcese glamorized this Wall Street bandit. Not at all. But he did show how money can insulate. If the lead guy had been a small time hustler with some shitty bonds or something he would have been picked up very soon. Doesn't happen here.

Wall Street movies prove to us what we believe already. That the guys all have their hands on the till, they are getting away with murder and that they don't care who gets hurt. Whether it is true or not, I still own stocks and watch the money grow just like anyone else. I hope that the institution that handles my stuff will do me right and not do anything untoward. But what do I know.

It is an entertaining film and I don't want to call tomorrow and pull my money out. Fun to watch the co stars who are numerous in cameo type roles. Too numerous to mention.

A 4 out of Netflix 5 even though I did skip which normally would bring it down to a 2. I made an exception. A good thing for them if they are counting on my rating for additional DVD sales.

Labels: films

Today's movie was about the negative side of coming out. The opposite of the optimistic and happy film I saw yesterday.

Forgive and Forget (2000)

This is a very well made film with a good story and it is a bummer. It dashes all the feel good hopes that other coming out films tend to depict.

Things do not go very well when the highly closeted working man David decides to come out on a true confessions television show.

He asks all his friends, his family and his best friend to watch. What was he thinking?

Actually, I think that he is not surprised by the results but they are disappointing to say the least. No one thinks that it is OK. No one.

I suppose that many gay men experience just this kind of reaction.

They are not as well armed as this young man but he is disarmed nonetheless. Nothing will ever be the same for him. At least that is how it feels to me.

On the other hand, what is the price of living a lie? Listening to homophobic bullshit all day long from one's dad or realizing that his best friend cannot handle it.

I suppose I could watch all the positive films but it is good to have a dose of reality every once in a while. Or, an alternative view of what happens.

Sometimes there is rejection and heartbreak and a total starting over. But isn't that what we are after anyway? There is no end to the closeted life except to end it without reservations or expectations.

This is a very courageous film and it shows how one's acceptance of one's self is not always welcome in this world. Or the world we have been living in.

The forgiving starts with me and then, if possible those around me for even doing the unforgivable. Not easy. But very freeing.

This is a 4 out of Netflix5.

Labels: coming out, gay films

Today's movie was the third in a gay film franchise.

Eating Out: All You Can Eat (2009)

It is a gay film franchise because gay men like me are willing to pay for a little romantic comedy that doesn't have all those straight people messing up the fantasy.

This is still romcom but it is gay. A major thing for me, if not all of us.

Settling for less? Not really. It is no better or no worse than the average straight effort but it has the advantage of good looking men and a lot of simulated gay sex (gay men will not have to shut their eyes as we do with the heterofilm) and, most of all, you do not have to think.

Why shouldn't we have pap too?

That said, I have admit to a number of LOL moments as well as tears at the end. The thing about formulas is that they work if you let them and this film had me entirely willing to let go of my pseudo sophistication long enough to have a good time.

See if you can do the same bitches.

Oh.

I did the third one by mistake. What that tells me that the rule of sequels is not true or, more positively, these people (the same ones except the stars) have a good formula which bears repeating.

I won't watch them all at once. Be grateful.

I will give this a 3 out of Netflix5 because I am easy and you get credit for treating me like a real person with real sexual orientation and a need to have my own shit not some straight fantasy. A gay one is much better thank you.

Labels: films, gay films

This is amusing. The wingnuts got caught with their biases showing!

Rand Paul Condemns Cliven Bundy's Remarks on Blacks

For about 48 hours, this obvious right wing cowboy got a lot of right wing press for standing up to old Uncle and defending his rights to graze his cattle where he fuckin' wants.

Instant support from the talking heads at Faux News and other right wing outlets.

Then, they realized that he had somehow slipped in a rather blatant comment about "the blacks" and, on second reading, they ran for the hills.

Presumably the city slickers could find the hills, this being the wide open spaces.

And then, to add even more amusement, Old Clive went to the microphones and repeated the slur all over again.

Why is it that in addition to being wrong a lot of these guys manage to be outspokenly stupid as well?

Rand Paul was smart enough to catch himself or his staff was. The second round of racism got a lot of the righties crawling out from under the big pile of cowshit that Bundy had delivered.

What fun!

I don't know if Clyde is right about his grazing rights or not. He had a lot of support from other ranchers.

But then this is another example of conservative hypocrisy. Decry the government handouts to others but protect your own benefits. There is nothing wrong with taking government help. Or using government land, to be specific. Just don't be a dumbass about it and fly under the radar like the rest of us. Reserve your outrage for things you are not doing and would not do.

NB: The American Flag across the right shoulder. Flag wavers. Beware of them.

Labels: right wing, wingnuts

When You're Getting Gay With a Guy How Do You Decide Who is the Girl and Who is the Boy?"

The question asked by closet cases everywhere. Also clueless geeks and numb nuts. But who am I to judge.

Labels: gay sex

Todays movie is a wonderful time travel flic.

Safety Not Guaranteed (2012)

And it is also a Mark Duplass movie. He of the brothers. The other one directed it. Or something.

Triple header. Director, actor, auteurs. And, yes, someone new to me, Aubrey Plaza.

And more.

It is a lot of fun and a rare exception to my belief that most film comedies are not very funny.

A lot of LOL here.

These people are ready for the beginning of time travel to happen at a certain place and a certain time right near where they live. You don't even think about this when you are seeing the movie.

You should get it.

A 4 out of Netflix5.

Labels: films

Obama has done a lot for the robot people.

All the Times President Obama Was Fascinated by a Robot

Well, I don't think all the times. I remember a lot more.

Obama is cool so many ways that it is hard to remember that he has put the cool into science again.

He has even played soccer with one.

Do the righties have any idea how important science is, that he has the field in front of him. He actually loves this shit.

Labels: obama, robotics, science

There are feel-good movies and there are some feel-bad movies.

Most good films, of course, are in the middle and let us form our own judgements and feel our own feelings. Unfortunately, today's film was the feel-bad kind, a setup from the start, and if I had a clue this was so, I wouldn't have watched it.

Andrew Garfield stars in Boy A (2007)

It was on some recommended list that I saw and I am sure that I ignored all the signs.

A kid who made a mistake that sent him to prison, a release program guaranteed to violate his guarantee of anonymity and a set of circumstances that get him known in the cruelest way. The tabloids.

This is a fine film but its hero is doomed from the start. It is built in.

I understand that the makers of this film hope to evoke some empathy and understanding, even some outrage, in the viewer.

It is one of those things where hope builds and then is dashed unfairly.

I had to stop watching at a certain point because I could see him becoming undone. The normal life he is building for himself is collapsing and I do not want to see that.

I know it happens.

Enough. I am already upset before I see the film.

So, I have to give it a 2 out of Netflix5. The film rating that says I skipped to the end.

I have no defense other than that I have no tolerance for suffering of this kind and I do not want to watch it voluntarily.

Forewarned is forearmed.

Labels: crime, films

I can quit holding my breath for Neil Patrick Harris.

He is an over the top smash hit in the show

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

A musical adaptation of the John Cameron Mitchell movie.

I am a great fan of NPH as he is fondly known to us gays. And maybe others. But he is OUR hero.

He came out when he did not have to. He famously married his life partner. They adopted kids.

This guy is a fabulous human being on top of his talent.

And he was a kid star who did not go off the rails but stayed the difficult path and has arrived.

And, more, he has just arrived in a role that hardly shows him as a butch straight man.

Hedwig is a messy drag queen with a messy story and it is not the kind of play where playing safe can work.

The review is extremely generous to Mr. Harris and I am sure he deserves it. There is a special hell for aspiring stars in the NYTimes and it is in the theater review section.

Harris has managed to traverse the difficult path over the burning flames and arrived on the other side. A bona fide Broadway star. And a gay dad.

Labels: broadway, gay identity

New research shows that married same-sex couples are happier than straight marriages.

No surprise there. We have been battling so much for so long we really do understand the value of marriage and, in a lot of places, gays have to go through so much shit that they are happy to find someone and finally have their rights as they should have all along.

In short, we are liberated and we know how to have a good time.

Why Same-Sex Couples Have Happier Marriages

They also attempt to say why in this video or at least their take on it. I honestly didn't watch it. I know the study is right and that is enough for me. I figured this and now I know.

My biases are confirmed!

Labels: gay marriage

An enduring fable is that eating some foods will help you resist cancer.

Most of these fables are just that. There is some but little support for any of the most favorite of these.

Mostly there is confusion and, here, the subject is discussed at some length.

An Apple a Day and Other Myths">

What does seem to be clear is that if you are fat you are more inclined to cancers but if you are fat you are inclined toward a lot of other shit that you should be worried about.

I am a long time skeptic of the cancer scares. I studied food technology when I went to engineering school and that involved a lot of horrendous trudging through the science of bio chemistry and the like. I never used any of it. But it did help me develop a good shit detector.

The news business can rely on the gullibility of people around scare stories and half assed researchers are more than willing to provide the bits of information that become half truths.

Anyway. I eat mostly what I want and I try to control my weight. I do not worry about caffeine or any of that. I ignored the thing about smoking for years and finally quit but the rest of it still doesn't get to me. I am 77 working on 78. I have lucky genes and a pretty good lifestyle.

I don't want to flaunt it. I could come up with the big C tomorrow and then some doc would sagely point out that I shouldn't have eaten all those pistachios I have been scarfing down lately.

They are good, incidentally. Damn good. I have never bothered with them ever before but they are a new experience. And mostly you do not have to use a nutcracker.

Labels: food, health

Today's film was one of my all time favorites.

The Warriors (1979)

This is the director's cut from the DVD. There was a lot done to the film by the studios that Walter Hill the director hated. Now he has what he wants.

I love this film for many obvious reasons. It is a bad guys being good film. It is a moral tale. The guys mostly wear only vests and they are hunks. To be honest.

It all fits together. Nicely.

I am surprised how well the film has lasted down the years. I don't suppose that it is in anyone's all time favorite list except mine but that is OK with me.

I still thrill at the various challenges and the wonderful ending.

Oh.

The film is based on the ancient greek tale Anabasis

"So what" you say? Me too. But it does give some classical weight to the whole enterprise.

Labels: films

This guy was one of my star trainees in a public group that I ran many years ago.

Hamish Maxwell, Philip Morris Empire Builder, Dies at 87

An old client had become manager of training at Philip Morris. This was a little before this guy became President but he was a power to be reckoned with and he wanted to see the program before they bought it.

This is the kind of guy he was. He was his own guinea pig.

My friend and client nearly chewed his nails off with concern.

Hamish came to a public program so that people from his company would not be distracted. He had a great time. He was a wonderful participant. No nonsense. And he got a lot out of it apparently because they bought a whole lot of training from us.

The only drawback was that he had the idea that I was the only one who could train it so, as a result, I became their trainer. They never adopted a trainer training program as we wanted them to.This was an old problem for us. A lot of people wanted the authors or the principals. We were trying to grow and spread it out.

Eventually, Hamish forgot his original condition and we put other trainers into the mix.

I would not say that we had a thing to do with his ascension to the top but I certainly had to do with his affection for the program. I liked him a lot. I don't remember many participants, even the bigwigs, but I remember him.

Hamish put together the Philip Morris empire which now is being dismantled a piece at a time. But in its heyday it included a lot of companies. He started with General Foods for gods' sake. Another former client. But I always worked with the tobacco division.

Did I have moral qualms about the company? No. I didn't have moral qualms for the most part. I was a smoker at the time. It would have been hypocrisy to be choosy.

Labels: business, history, training

Today's movie was a biopic of Australia's infamous bad man Mark "Chopper" Read, hence:

Chopper (2001)

I got this to see Eric Bana in a first or early role. He is scarily superb.

Read was a public menace who had not one ounce of remorse about his bloody career.

That he wasn't killed by some other psychopath is a surprise but as Eric Bana shows him, he is, in his way, intimidating and attractive at the same time. Like watching a rattlesnake on a rampage.

We don't see most of the murderous stuff. No blood. No guts. At least not much.

It is mostly the unrepentant criminal as portrayed by Bana and it is quite a show.

The violence is toned down, we don't see it, but we do see the violent man who wreaked it all.

I think that it is hard to make a good film like this one out of the evil of its main character. Somehow they have carried it off and a part of this is the menacing charm of its star.

Bana is entirely convincing as the criminal who wants good pr.

I am glad I saw it and I would not want to see it again. It packs a lethal threat which could explode any minute. Watching Bana we do not know what to expect as we watch him prowl. I felt like I had to keep on my toes or I was going to see something that I did not want to witness.

I will let you find out if that happens for you or not. The "something".

A 4 out of Netflix5.

Labels: films

I woke up early today and couldn't go back to sleep. This is something that has not happened to me for a long time. But there it is. Here I am.

I thought I would write about it but there isn't a whole hell of a lot to write.

I got up to pee, I went back to bed and I couldn't go to sleep.

No mental gymnastics. That used to be the occasional sleep problem. But it has been a long time since I have had anything much to vex myself about or to "rehearse" for a big day.

Today is pretty much serene. No action. In fact, I have less to do today than any day this week.

Maybe that's it. Nothing to do.

I doubt it.

I have learned that the infrequency of my sleeplessness is a blessing and I do not question that. I can take a nap anywhere any time and I always could. When I was working I would go back to my room for a 20 minute post lunch nap before starting the program work again. I have always had the mid morning nap since I started getting up at 3-ish to go to the gym at 430 and then do the rest of my day.

I feel OK. I am going to have an extra cup of coffee, finish writing this (which helps alleviate my concern over being too early). Then relax and move into the day doing "the next indicated thing" which is the way that I normally go about my business. Besides, it is almost 3 AM and almost time to get up. A little early but more near the normal time.

I found this art work. I really like it. In a funny way it woke me up. Just looking at it is kind of a glow.

OK. Booker is doing his "groaning" thing. A kind of talk that goes on all the time. Very sweet. He is ready. So am I. Let's hit it baby.

Labels: life

Easter is kind of a non-event here but I did make some gestures.

We have a chocolate rabbit with which there will be much suspense to see who tears the foil off first. Not me, I think.

Then I bought some yellow marshmallow peeps which we must have.

I like mine stale.

Unfortunately in one of those product improvements that isn't, they have kind of made the peep into a perpetually young candy treat.

But I am filled with the much vaunted easter hope and I have put them out, unwrapped, in the hope that they will somehow learn to do what their forebears knew instinctively. Get hard, babies.

I have marked out my five because I have a feeling that the other five will be gone before they have even half a chance to stale out.

I thought about coloring some eggs. I have one a day but I use the brown organic ones and by the time I thought about it all the PAAS dye was gone from the store. I barely was able to find the peeps.

Easter was not much in our house but when I was a kid and when I had kids we had easter egg hunts.

I was better with having one for my kids and being in one when it was me doing the looking. They always had to have a prize and I was never good at that shit. Perfection is a curse. If I couldn't find the fucking gold egg then to hell with it.

I was exposed at length to the christian myths about the holiday and I was even a church musician for a long time. The only way a keyboard player could get work and get paid for it.

I was good at the hallelujah stuff and really enjoyed it. Joyous instead of the usual blood and maiming business. That is unfair actually. There is some wonderful christian music, most of the classical canon was for churches, but there is some, usually the hymns people like most, that is hopelessly lame and cliche.

I do have to admit that "Up from the grave he arose, with a mighty something for his foes" was a real rouser. My last gig was with baptists and they really got into all of that.

When in Rome. Well, not Rome, of course. That was another church where there wasn't a lot of freedom and you had to be one to play for one.

Labels: holidays, music

Today's film was the Korean film

Oldeuboi / Oldboy (2005)

and the old boy part is a reference to the boarding school type old boy, as in alumnus.

This is not the Spike Lee remake but the original Korean film. I researched this to make sure the old film was the better one.

This is a revenge film. There is a lot of violence which could be hard to take. I looked away once. Something I have never seen and would be happy not to see again. Well, not "again". I didn't see it this time so, well you get it, yeah? You can look away too. Or not.

That having been said it is a wonderful film. Alive, vital and full of original work that makes it all hold together in what could be seen as a rather improbable plot.

There is a guy who wants to get back to a former best friend who has done some shitty things. Our hero has it in mind to do some shitty stuff to the guy.

Ebert's review at the link does a lot better job of saying why it is such a great film. I am still shaking a little.

I am drawn to courageous directors who put it all down and don’t withhold. I think that is the thing. It is not pandering at all. It is their worst shit coming out and so I guess it is a kind of sharing. I am saying this so I can justify the satisfaction I felt with what happened and how it came out. I am a bit of a perv that way.

One viewing was enough though so that makes it a 4 out of Netflix5.

Labels: films

This is a great time line detail of Obama's conversion on gay marriage.

How the President Got to "I Do" On Same Sex Marriage"

It is hard to read without some teary eyes.

As much as I have loved Obama I have always felt, and still do, that he is retro on the rights of gays. Too often it has been a political football but fundamentally, I believe, if he had not had moral objections to my rights as a gay man he would have been out front on this issue from the beginning.

In this regard, Obama has been a grave disappointment.

And while he has now come out (so to speak) as in favor of my rights he is still not unequivocal.

The man to admire on this issue is Joe Biden who led from the heart and through a so called gaffe pushed the Administration into beginning their slow and reluctant embrace of true equal rights.

My view of Obama on this matter is partly one of racial resentment. I do believe that blacks are, by and large, more inclined to look down their noses at gays from a high moral perch and fail to see any similarity between their own situation and ours.

Of course there are many exceptions but in general I believe it is true. I do not think that it is a matter of "now we have ours, fuck you" but more that many blacks retain a strong stream of fundamentalist religious belief that is awash with homophobia. I know a few stories of gay black men and they are witnesses to this.

In the end, it does not matter except in time but time is the great divider between those of us who have achieved a measure of freedom as a result of affluence or education or sheer cussedness. Today, as this process has slowed down way too much, young men and women still suffer for their identities. Ignorance and intolerance still abide in enough hearts that the President could have made a difference. Still could. If he would get off his own moral perch or, perhaps, his own fear of his own sexual identity, the last bastion for most black men who need to conserve their pride in their own manhood. Insecurity is a powerful force.

Maybe I am wrong about this. I am not a shrink and I do not even know Obama. But I know straight men, straight black men, and he is not atypical of a particular strain who still cannot deal with this issue without a personal quirk getting into the way.

Thank God for Joe Biden who stood tall and still leads from his heart as well as his head. Or maybe a little more of the heart. A commodity which is in short supply in Washington DC.

Labels: Barack Obama, gay marriage, Joe Biden

If you want to burn up some time, go to Imgur.

In fact, if you don't have any time on your hands, go there anyway.

You will get hooked and be forced to give up the myriad other ways you are currently wasting your time but don't yet think of it that way.

I go to the most popular each day and start to work my way through the deck.

I have to quit before I get to yesterday or a repeat. And I am fascinated.

What is good here is that there are microbursts of goodness. Hit "next" and there you are. Something that thousands of others voted as worth being on the front page.

You will have to figure out a way to stop I suppose. I have never made it to the end but then I just get a headache or something.

It is also good because it gives you a look at what other people think is funny or interesting and, surprisingly, but not to me, you will find that people are witty and canny and have a great ability to find fun out of very little.

I also read the comments when it looks like they might be good. They usually are.

This is the balls!

I definitely want one.

A new project called MorpHex

I went to the monthly Board of Directors (BOD) of the condo association today.

I have been a member for three meetings now and the Treasurer for two.

We have a professional management and so the grunt work on the financials is done by them and up to now have been presented by their in house guy. Today, I did the deed.

I wanted to do the report a little out of ego as there isn't much for the Treasurer to do but also because I think at least one person from the BOD should be overseeing what the managers are doing and, of course, delve into the detail of where the money is going. That money being about 48,000 dollars a month in dues or fees. There doesn't seem to be a universal name for what is paid by condo owners to have their business affairs tended to.

I sat with the inside guy a few weeks ago when they had done the financials and went over the numbers one by one. This is not my forte. I surely know how to read such a report for myself. I had my own business. But to see it as others do is a different skill. To be prepared to illuminate the dark corners of detail where it is appropriate is a bit of an art.

The reason for illumination is that every single decision that the Board is asked to make, and there are a whole passel of them, is somehow related to cost. It is a small enterprise. Non-profit of course, but a business nonetheless.

My inside guy, Phil, did a great job in briefing me. He made little tic marks where he thought there was an item of interest. An over run or a saving or a bit of business that would interest the Board. We sat together over it and I then sat with the data for a couple of weeks, cooking it in my head.

I also spent some time looking for trip wires. There are a few pet rocks that some Board members like to stroke. I am more or less aware of this and was willing to know more about the items than I think they do even if they were not part of my presentation.

Then I let it marinate.

I am good at this kind of thing or, I should say, I used to be good at this kind of thing. I was not the numbers man of my business partners but I was the exec and I knew how to use numbers to make good decisions. If pressed, I could expound on details that the other partners were, lets not say too lazy, disinterested to explore on their own. In other words, I could get the jump on someone else with some inside knowledge. This is why I was so close to my numbers partner. He knew the stuff and I knew how to use it as the "boss". To put it bluntly, our balls were wired together when we wanted to move the organization in a particular direction.

I also served time many years ago as the Chairman of the Finance Committee of the Town in which I lived. I stood up at the Annual Meeting and presented a recommended response to the Town fathers' budget request. (There were no town mothers so I am gender correct here, don't write comments). We did not always agree with them. Heat as well as light would ensue. I am good under fire. I enjoyed that as much as the grinding number part which, actually, others did. As they do here.

A lot of people come out to our Board meetings. I am surprised how many show up and stay. Many are there for specific issues that affect them but many are there because they are interested. I owe them my best. When I was just an owner I never went to the meetings. I honor those who do. No one snipes incidentally. The density of the data and, I suppose, the clarity of my presentation gives an air of confidence to the whole thing and, I suppose, the supposition that I would not put up with any bullshit from anyone on or off the Board. No nonsense.

We had a lot of business to conduct today. I am first and my part takes 15 minutes or so. Then I can relax and be a regular member. I try to be as respectful to everyone else there as they are with me. I do not snipe, I mean for my questions to be genuine and while I am seen as able to get a laugh out of the crowd I do not get one at anyone else's expense. I do not need to generate any resentments.

I also, surprisingly, am able to do all this without any profanity as well. This is not my normal demeanor but in this venue I am as clean mouthed as a village parson. I did almost slip today with an sh- that became "stuff" and not the other word. It was noticed but then that is part of the humor too. Not to be overused however.

So here I am. Only three meetings under my belt and I am happy as a clam. I did not do this kind of thing for a long time outside my programs and it feels good to me. I enjoy it. I am enlivened and invigorated.

Labels: condo, HOA

Lend An Ear

I got new earphones today. The old ones lost one ear. Deaf.

I bought the moderately good Sennheiser 558 headphones.

Not to be very clear on whether these are the best or not. I just spit on my finger and held it up to the wind. Then I looked around at some websites and took a flier.

I also have owned Sennheisers and they have been fine until now.

I suppose you should buy a different brand if one went bad but I had them 4 or 5 years. How long is long? Way past warranty.

They seem a lot deeper and wider whatever that means. I just like them.

Electronic equipment is terra incognito for me. I just follow my nose and my intuition.

They sure are nice though. I can hear a great difference. Fuller, deeper.

I use earphones a lot. Movies. Tunes. A lot of websites have videos with, of course, sound.

A mild upgrade. Not extravagant but nice.

Labels: audio, electronics

Today's film was Lars Von Trier's Melancholia which, in case you haven't heard, is also the name of the previously unseen planet that is about to crash into Earth.

This is a "last days" film with Kirsten Dunst. It is good. It is sad. It is not too cynical or heavy on the folly of humans. There seems to be no moral except "be ready for anything".

I liked it. I would not see it again so that makes it a 4 out of Netflix5.

Here it comes. Holy shit!!!! Look out!!!!

Labels: films

I just updated my menu with a few additions and amendments.

I keep a full list of dinner entrees for about 120 days ahead.

No repeats.

I know. I am amazed at this. How did it happen?

Mostly, I added stuff to it and rarely take anything off the list.

I started this a number of years ago mostly because I was sick of trying to remember what I had when and what to plan for the upcoming week. The other thing is that when I was working, I was on the road a lot of the time and didn't have the wherewithal to make up menu items in the moment. I had to buy and plan ahead.

The list started with about 30 items. A kind of balanced menu. Mixed between fish and fowl and blood meats. A small amount of vegetarian meals as a gesture. I have never been able to make a leap to meatless. And I suppose, by now, it is too late to consider it.

I scatter the list with a variety of entrees. It is amazing how many dishes can be made out of chicken or fish. Not something that I am naturally drawn to or at least not in the beginning. Having interesting chicken ideas is a skill that has to be developed. Fish sort of takes care of itself as I consider it obligatory and not of great interest from a pleasure point of view. Of course there are good fish items. Fish sticks for example. But none of them are good for you. I tend to make the plate interesting with the starch that goes along. Exotic rice dishes (out of a box), pastas and so on.

This is how the list has grown. New additions to a staple fish or meat or fowl. If we like something it stays on the list. If not, off. But due to careful curating of the available recipes, I can reduce the failures to near zero.

I do have to admit that a lot of the 120 items come "out of a box". Or prepared. Or whatever euphemism passes for anything not "from scratch".

Part of this is laziness but also I claim to have had a whole lot of experience, when I did actual work, in the food business and so I know that despite the bad press a lot of prepped foods are actually good for us and pretty good tasting. They have to be if they want to sell.

I have wandered far afield from the basic meat and potatoes eating of my childhood. But not so far that I have lost my way.

My criteria is that whatever makes the menu can be setup and finalized between 430 pm and the time we sit down at 530. There are some exceptions. A roast. Maybe a casserole although most have been replaced with pre fab food.

I am not a fine chef nor a gourmet nor is my husband. But we eat well and with great variety.

The whole world of "recipes" incidentally is out of my range. I use a book and am happier for it. The mainstays are Joy of Cooking and the Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook. My mother used the latter although I have a more current edition. Neither recipe book has fucked up the originals too much and the spirit is the same.

I enjoy cooking because I enjoy eating and it is happy way to spend my time and make a contribution to the household. Tonight is Stouffer Braised Beef, tomorrow B F Chang's Chinese Chicken, then real chicken breast with stuffing from a box. Gravy from an envelope. Salad all the time. Did you know you can buy pre made salads too? I guess I am not as big a chef as I thought.

Labels: cooking

Today's movie was the German film Cibrail / The Visitor

Indie gay story which follows predictable lines but which has a great deal of charm because the guys are not studly. They are plain people who come together, one gay, one not so much. The gay doesn't mess with the straight guy. Quite the contrary.

Groping toward understanding his feelings, the homo in hiding, a cop, slowly comes out to himself then his friend.

I liked this a lot and will get it for our collection.

I think part of its charm is that we are in Berlin and there is ample use of locations. There is the smell of freedom and liberation in the air that helps us move along. A strong image of the statuary Molecule Man is repeated effectively.

I am glad that they didn't try to pad this out with extra fluff. It is straight on, short (69 minutes) and to the point. A 4 out of 5 on the esrose richter film scale.

Labels: film, gay films

It has been a long time since I stepped onto an airplane.

Longer still since I have been overseas.

Not to be morbid, but I am running out of time. I don't want to become one of those "never" guys. And, as it turns out, if I don't get on a plane I may never see a few of my friends again. My family usually comes to me but for once, I will go to them. I can come and go as I please.

So I balance the costs. Putting up with the "flying experience" against never seeing some important people again. Email doesn't do it in some cases.

So this summer, July, I am going to fly to London and stop in Boston on the way. Then, after London I will go to Toronto and then back home.

I do not plan to spend any time during this trip to see the sights although my friend Lynda has mentioned the big ferris wheel in London. And I love to walk the streets of Toronto. No. It is to see people. I have seen enough sights.

Now that sounds like a curmudgeon but it is more or less true. I live in one of the most beautiful, if waterless, places in the world. What more could there be? Well, a lot and I have seen a lot of it.

With me it is "OK, there it is. Let's go to the next stop".

My wonder machine ran down somewhere.

I am excited about seeing the people though and while it is probably going to be arduous I will somehow perversely like being in airports and doing all that shit again. After all, I traveled almost every week of my work life. My first flight was on an Allegheny DC3 from Boston to Scranton in 1955.

I sort of miss the lousy food, the factory atmosphere of a large transportation system, the impersonality and fabricated friendliness of the people who will serve me.

I miss the time in hotels. Perhaps this most of all.

One of the nicest things about going to San Diego each year is staying by myself in a hotel and being in a room where nothing happens unless I want it to. Well, almost nothing. No chores, no obligations, no hours to keep. I do not even watch the television. I can just sit.

In San Diego I am just a few feet from a marina and water and seagulls and boats, boats boats. That is part of my room.

I will stay in someone else's home on this trip and that is something to look forward to as well. It has been so long since I stayed in someone else's house I cannot tell you. And while this does not offer the anonymity of a hotel stay it does offer the novelty of snooping into other peoples stuff and checking out how they live.

So I am going. Doing something I had decided I would probably not do ever again.

Labels: travel

So I was biking recumbently when a woman I know came up to me and made a proposition.

She suggested that I get a Kindle reader and that if I did I would never turn back.

She was right.

I went and bought one and downloaded a few books from my Amazon account. I was a goner. I have to emphasize that I got the Paper White version which costs more. Because it is. Paper white.

Here is what it does for me. First, I can have a couple of books going at one time and not carry them both or all around. Well, not in physical books but in my Kindle.

Small advantage, I agree, but listen to this one.

The Kindle weighs less than a book. It is the same size no matter what. It remembers where I was and puts me back on that page.

When I am done I just put the book back in my cloud library. In that library there are as many as thirty books some I have read, others I plan to read, some are in progress. A short stories collection for example. I can dip in as I wish. Read one and save the rest for later without carrying both books or worrying about where I was.

I do not want to work too hard to justify or sell the Kindle as a necessity. It is not. But it is a damn fine luxury. Practical.

Oh. And no fuss between hard covers and paper backs. They all cost the same more or less. Over time, older books decline in price. That is one feature that is not a problem in a book store.

OK.

The Kindle led me to think about a more portable computer. And, of course, as an addict to Apple products, I had to be aware of the iPad.

Once I had the Kindle and the Amazon electro-library it was only a small jump to think about getting an iPad which does offer a reading advantage. Two pages, more like a book. Bigger and brighter. And it talks to the Kindle so they know where I have read up to on either one.

Now, the rest of the iPad story. I was baffled by its startup. It is a Mac system after all but I got flummoxed from the start and had to get my MacExpert to come help me.

The problem of the system differences remain somewhat. The iPad immediately reads any changes on my iMac and updates. Web sites, emails, calendar, address book, all that.

What it doesn't do is contain my files that are on the main Mac unless I haven't yet figured that out.

I have tried to mail a video or movie over. I know that the mail doesn't want to send movies or I do not know how to do it.

Nevertheless, I can go to a site and download a film and play it, even save it. It is just not the same setup as the Mac. It is the iPad's own file set. Or something. I don't know the terms.

I may have to get my iExpert back again.

The other reason for the iPad is to cover me for travel.

Yes. I am traveling this year. Beyond the annual San Diego trip.

I will write about this another time. In another post.

Labels: books, computers

So I left out one of the most daily of the daily routines.

The gym.

I still go. I could not not go.

That is not me, incidentally. But you can look at him. I have.

Something in me fades out if I am not at Golds every morning at 412 AM more or less.

I begin on the recumbent bike and get going. Keep the heart rate at 100 which for my age is the right target. A nice thing about aging is that the ideal heart rate for exercise goes down. I suppose eventually it will be zero and I will be there. I think that 100 is it. The chart that I have stops at 70. I am 7 years past that. Add it up. I am quite proud of it.

150 beats per minute is the maximum rate for me. I am not sure I could muster that nor will I be trying it any time soon.

Half an hour on the bike and I will move on to stretches. The shoulder bar twists, ten up, ten bent. The railing around the stair well, three pipes high. Each stretch twice. Bottom rail, foot and ankle back pull it out. Then the other one. Next foot up on the middle rail, up on toes. Down. Then full leg to the top bar, out straight stretch that hamstring, ooh aahh. Done. Off to the abs now on a machine. There are two. I alternate.

The rest is all weight training downstairs. Ten reps twice or to failure on each exercise. Monday, I skip it and go home after the cardio. Tuesday I do the chest. Wednesday, the legs, machine squats and calf burns with some leg curls. Thursday is easy. I do the shoulders; presses at angles and some raises and I am out. Friday the back. Various alternatives like rowing, pulldowns and the like.

Saturday no gym. Sunday the same but we do a family walk, all three for a theoretical hour. Actually it is usually 45 minutes.

Then Monday again.

The gym is, more than in the past, a small social occasion. Nothing long. But mini chats between sets with a large cast of people.

I am a long time fixture at the gym now. A familiar face to many. I usually outlast all of them who show up at that time. Only a few have been there from the beginning. Youseff and a guy I do not speak to. He is a yakker and I fear being caught in his conversational web.

Others fit in when I have seen them for awhile. I do the straight guy "get acquainted" thing. First the slightly perceptible head nod, then a smile on top of it. Later, a "good morning" or a straight guy "hey" and, if I have been interested enough to get the name I will use it. I ask the desk guy. I would never ask the person. Weird. But there it is. After quite a while there might be an exchange of info. I have made some longer term more serious friends. Many of those have passed on to other times. Some to the gym in the sky. John who comes every day is a relative newcomer but I enjoy his company a great deal. "New comer" means a couple of years ago. Not 1976.

I know and like one of the desk guys. The other one, newer, is stiff and unavailable.

I still wear earplugs throughout. I do not want to hear the music. If I talk to someone I take one plug out. I am not the only one who shuts out the music although most people use earphones with their own melodies. At my age, one's head music tends to be more enjoyable than anything by others. Meditation practice has helped me to keep mental chatter down and the mind centered. I like to focus on the muscle and not do much else.

I do read on the bike for half an hour. I cannot sustain self discipline otherwise. The time passes much more quickly. I have a Kindle now. Gasp.

I will write about the Kindle another time but it is a by product of brief chats with others at the gym. A woman who is there every day came up to me while I was biking a year ago and asserted herself with a suggestion that I get a Kindle. On her advice I got one. The rest is history. I am totally bookless now. Everything is electronic. When I am not in the gym I have the Kindle app on my iPad.

Yes, that too. A fucking iPad. I love it. More about that too at a later time.

Labels: gym, routine

Today's movie was Gravity.

Mostly Sandra Bullock with a little help from George Clooney. Wry space humor from him while she floats around and tries to make it back to Earth.

I will not tell you what happens even though I think everyone knows.

I liked it. A four out of five. Yes I still do that on the web.

They care what I think.

I would post a photo but it would be all space.

I am not sure if I am going to use images on the renewed blog. Not yet.

This film got the NYTimes Critics' Pick. A good sign.

She is great. I would not voluntarily seek out a Bullock film but she owns this.

Also, I go back to space travel all the way to Captain Video on Channel Five in NYC.

I never cared for Buck Rogers and all that but began from time to time to get interested in some space fare.

Captain Video was a straight shooter and actually it was mostly a space film that used western cliches. That worked for an eight year old boy who had no interest in westerns at all.

Since then, I have avoided the genre because, paradoxically, I have a bit of a claustrophobia thing and while these all take place in outer space, the suits get me down. Space. Closed in.

This film is no exception but somehow it worked for me as she does get to take the fucking suit off often enough that even I could breathe more fully.

Labels: film, space

OK. I give.

Even I miss the old blog.

On the walk with Booker tonight I thought "why not"?

Well, because it is work and I got bored but maybe I won't be bored if I restart it.

A lot has happened since November when I quit this.

For one thing I stood for the Board of Directors for my Home Owners Association.

This has been a lot of fun and it actually has revitalized my life. Not that I was dormant. But it is a task of service. It is fun. It is being "in charge".

I am the Treasurer.

That means that I do a little work but not much. I read the monthly financials that are prepared for us by the professional managers who actually do the day to day running of the 150 condo complex (well, 147 but I like the rounder number).

The meetings are once a month and the in between is not very rigorous. So far, no one has brought me "issues". I am pretty repellant about stuff like that. My theory is that it has to be invited for it to occur. A lot of people invite the engagement and then complain because of the intrusion. Not me.

Actually, I remain dedicated to the idea that the Board is a board and acts as such. This has the advantage of saving me a lot of bullshit and spreads the load.

It is also amazing how many people somehow get less whiney about stuff when they have to come to a public hearing.

There are laws and regulations that govern our behavior. The state is quite explicit. We have bylaws and regulations codified in the complex. There is precedent.

We have the advantage (I see it this way) of having three out of five members appointed this year, none of whom have served in the past. On this Board anyway. A couple were on previous association boards and stuff. Not me. I am a virgin.

The "old members" include the Chairman who is old only by virtue of his having been appointed mid term when a member moved away. The other old old member holds this as a kind of warrant to hold forth but we are immune.

One reason most of us went on the Board is that we had enough of the old guard thing going on.

So. Something new. Something enjoyable, even fun.

My sacred schedule still holds pretty well. Most days I do some work in my recovery Program, early on. Go to an actual Meeting or on some days meet with people I sponsor for an hour or so. Work the Steps.

I watch a movie a day and still write mini-reviews because one of the long time readers of the blog asked me to. I have been sending them out in email.

I take a nap every morning. I work the internet in the afternoon. I make supper and walk the dog after. John does the morning walks.

I like a bit of routine.

That is it.

A post.

I may do another one.

I have to get my old blogging chops back but I am up to it. Or not. We will see.

Labels: blog, blogging