esrosedotblog

No one will be surprised to read that Tim Cook is gay.

Tim Cook Just Came Out As Gay

But the thing is that there is a big difference between everyone knowing it as a poorly kept secret and everyone knowing it as an outspoken fact.

This is one of the lesser understood aspects of the process of coming out all the way.

Self declaration across the board and out loud, unembarrassed and unapologetic is what we need.

Most gay people have friends who are supportive by definition. Being out to them is no sweat. More gay people belong to social groups that are tolerant. We are not known for joining right wing homophobic christer outfits. But not all gay people take it much further. To be a public figure and to be assertively open is still a courageous act. But an essential one.

There are still haters of course, but more, there are still many more fencers who will smile and speak their support but not be totally accepting. They are still "tolerating". I had a friend once who hated the idea that he would be "tolerated". Me too once I learned what he meant by that.

Dissolve the definitions. It will take a long time. But the more Tim Cooks we have the more the whole "gay thing" will simmer down into just being a thing.

Labels: apple, gay heroes, gay identity

This week, Facebook reversed its policy and allowed people to use "drag names".

There had been a big fuss over this.

Ellen De Generis explains.

Well, a Facebook VP explains.

Drag names are a funny thing even to gay men and if you want to snicker, please do so, because that is the whole point.

A drag queen is for fun in the first place and while there is no one who takes themselves more seriously, it is all about fun and if you are laughing the drag queen is very happy. It is not bigotry. This is one area where gay and straight people can come together. And Queens will absolutely love it.

Of course, Ellen can get away with this. Any het would be kicked in the ass for the same thing.

Labels: gay fun, gay identity

In good hands.

Takes on a new meaning. Very nice.

Labels: gay identity, gay rights

I can quit holding my breath for Neil Patrick Harris.

He is an over the top smash hit in the show

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

A musical adaptation of the John Cameron Mitchell movie.

I am a great fan of NPH as he is fondly known to us gays. And maybe others. But he is OUR hero.

He came out when he did not have to. He famously married his life partner. They adopted kids.

This guy is a fabulous human being on top of his talent.

And he was a kid star who did not go off the rails but stayed the difficult path and has arrived.

And, more, he has just arrived in a role that hardly shows him as a butch straight man.

Hedwig is a messy drag queen with a messy story and it is not the kind of play where playing safe can work.

The review is extremely generous to Mr. Harris and I am sure he deserves it. There is a special hell for aspiring stars in the NYTimes and it is in the theater review section.

Harris has managed to traverse the difficult path over the burning flames and arrived on the other side. A bona fide Broadway star. And a gay dad.

Labels: broadway, gay identity

It is gay pride weekend here. We don't celebrate it when everyone else does, around the middle of June. June is the beginning of the dead season here in the desert so the gay resorts who are the ones supporting the festival see that date as a lost business opportunity. The first weekend in November is the beginning of the "season" here and so it is also the weekend that we will be the proudest of being gay. I am not too cynical about this. I wouldn't much be involved if it were in June around Stonewall time. It is not that I am un-proud. I am proud enough of my gay life and the gay "movement" as it has evolved so quickly in the last several decades. There is a huge difference today in every realm of gay rights. For example, it is hard to find much "coming out" literature or movies or other activities which highlight this momentous event from all our lives. Most gay people now are quite familiar with the existence of other gay people at an early age. Television, movies, school. The news. There is certainly an adjustment to the way we are brought up which is still resolutely heterosexual. They don't know how to bring up a gay baby after all. But it is a smoother path. No one pays much attention to their parents anyway. Besides, sexual identity is not a matter of rebellion so much as a recovery from the inevitable influence of the same false values that young straight people have to contend with particularly if the family is religious or strongly traditional. Now, the gay twist almost eases the path for gay kids. Personally I am proud of my earned identity as a gay man even though I have been gay from the beginning. As basic as my other genetic stuff. The way I acted it out was different throughout my life. I became actively homosexual, really did it, as a college student and then tried to put that aside and to have a conventional life as a straight man. Such were the Fifties. Hard scrabbling for a gay boy. While I had a great time with a great woman with great kids and am still proud of that too, it became inevitable that the gay gravity would bring me back to my own reality. I had to make a second life, this one out in the open. Much sooner than I planned, I met a man that I wanted to share my life with and so I went from out and about to out and in a relationship which, as it turns out, was a model for many other gay men. I speak proudly as humbly as I can about that. We started to work on the marriage thing very early together and finally were able to get married and to still retain our families on both sides. It was hard work but we had the advantage of loving family members and friends. Now, here we are not so much marching in a rights parade as to basking slightly in the pride of having made it up and out of the old, now more passé social ostracism that a lot of gay men had to endure. Proud. And, most of all, happy. And I don't much "buy gay" which is what I see a lot of gay pride celebrations have become.

Andre Gregory is a moderately well known stage actor and a not so well known occasional film actor He, most notably, appeared in a reality film with Wally Shawn a number of years back. They had dinner together. Neither Shawn or Gregory got over its success and they continued to work together over the years. And still are. The biopic Andre Gregory: Before and After Dinner made by Gregory's wife is a bit pretentious and, in the early parts of it, boring and not very illuminating. Somewhere in the second half, through Gregory's monologues, we hear the story of his father and how Dad influenced him so much. I am a sucker for this kind of thing and sort of enjoyed it even with some of the posturing and over exposure. I am glad I saw it but once is enough and when someone's wife has made a film about them it might be best to take a pass. A 2 out of Netflix5. I did watch to the end and did not FF. Even when I wanted to. I did RW a few times to recapture parts where I found I had dozed off for a bit and lost the thread. Not good. Dozing or the problem picking up when something doesn't quite get across.

Labels: coming out, films, gay identity, gay life

I am so tired of these belligerent motherfuckers. Times headline: Senate Republicans Block 2 Obama Nominees.

Keerist. When will it end? 2014, that's when. And if we elect these tiresome bastards to any further control we deserve what we will get. Signed: Fed Up.

It is nice to see some intelligent movie fun. I have waited for what seems like a long time to see Kings of Summer (2013). It delivers the goods. Funny and wise and very nice. No one gets mutilated or hurt. Everyone is a winner. Wit wins. The reviews are picky about its credibility to the viewer. One word, "relax". Another one or two "Have fun". The acting is great with some very smart kids and a few entertaining parents. Tired of the parents, two guys and a guy who nominates himself as their sidekick, build the ultimate "shack". We were always doing this when I was a kid. You need woods that are big enough for the project to remain unnoticed but small and near enough to get home before dark. We had lots of places to do this. The area must still be littered with the attempts to build a get away. We had the advantage of Harold Bixler who was a master of improvised construction. When he aged out, the process wound down as none of the two or three of us left) his brother David and I and sometimes Kenny Krummel had the goods to build sustainable housing.

Happy Halloween! It is not the holiday here that it is back east where it was the highest holy day of "the gays". I opted out a long time ago. Costumes elude me. I think that it is a good idea but I have never executed well. For some it is an opportunity to dress drag. Not appealing and I don't much like to see it. I have never gone to a drag show I liked. When friends and acquaintances do it I have a lot of internal grimace. I know that some people equate drag with being gay as the used to equate fem behavior with being gay. I can't handle it at all. I have gone home with some real sissies but when it comes down to relating, it is men and male men all the way for me. And I don't mean macho stuff either. Fem is a turnoff for me in general. Sorry. Some of the gayest of men are determinedly phobic in this area. Me too. No. I am not sorry. Just don't do it around me and talk drag either. "She did his" or "that" and "Mary". I can take it for awhile if I have to but then bail out. And I never, ever want to have drag names for male friends. Every. None. Absolute. Zero.

No "images" for the last two days. What is up? No time to go dig around for pictures I guess. Certainly not any of drag queens. Oh well. Here is an "image".

I like the one with the bare chest. Facing his titlessness like a man. And doing very well at it too. No wig either. See? I am attracted. I would gladly take him home with me.

The thing about these guys as they see the humor in it and they are not subtle. At all. This would actually be the halloween type of drag which, I guess, forced to admit it, I think is kinda funny and quite harmless. Especially if you leave your shirt off and your pecs are sensational.

Labels: drag, films, gay identity, republican whack jobs

THE N-WORD AND THE F WORD

Watch this. Pretty good.

I have at times wanted to say this to a straight person who wants to call me a faggot. Or want to call one or more other faggots a faggot while they are talking to me. A faggot. Me.

It is not OK.

As it turns out, I don't use the F word very much. I don't find it too amusing.

Queer is similar. And maybe more important than faggot.

We get to say queer about each other. Period. You don't. Unless you are queer too.

And queer is more potent than faggot because it has political implications which straight people just do not understand.

No. You do not. No. No.

You are not queer.

Unless you are and, if so, then you get this and why have you read this so far.

Or, there are some queer people who use the N-word and they are white.

Then we have a double helix.

Another thing. We don't like straight people who try to camp it up either. That territory is ours baby. Always has been, always will be. Done. Over and out.

Labels: gay identity

CHOOSING AN ALTERNATIVE LIFE STYLE

After Careful Deliberation, Baby Goes With Homosexuality

Labels: gay identity

FANTASTIC

Labels: gay identity, gay pride

FAMILY

I just finished reading/scanning

Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon (2012)

Vast, far ranging, Solomon reports on families in which there is "one out". A child with a chronic condition or illness, a child that has behavior problems, a child whose nature separates from the rest of the family.

Solomon is gay, so he begins with that. A gay kid comes into a straight family. S/he is "far from the tree". You know, those "apples that (mostly) don't fall far away"?

There are some that do.

But there are many other kinds of "apples" that fall away. He explores all families who have a stranger in their midst.

As a gay man, his experience helps me continue the life long look at the distance between me and other family members.

Finally, having looked at many other kinds of apples, he comes back to home base again. He takes a look at his own experience in having kids as a gay father. With straight kids.

The book is filled, filled, filled with stories of families and kids. Solomon makes his points then tells the stories.

I could not read every page. I got the gist of it in the first half or so and then scanned. It is a door stop sized volume.

I think that it is half scholarly although Solomon is a journalist. It has a huge bibliography and notes section.

The most intriguing, actually, for me, was to read about families who ended up with a kid who became a criminal, a delinquent, an outlaw. A congenital liar is featured. Also the parents of one of the Columbine kids.

How the families react to their unusual kin is one thing. How society treats the kid and the family another. Then there is the law.

I don't think there are any pat answers in this book. I didn't expect any. It is a side of human experience that has never been so fully explored.

I am glad that I took it on. And I have had enough.

In my own life, I have been able to find some stability and acceptance in being different in my family both in my past and present.

The one thing about being gay is that one can come out. Face the family, tell the truth, give everyone a chance to adjust to that. to change the ways I operate. It is difficult but achievable.

A kind of peace seems possible for people facing other big differences as well.

Autism, disability, even prodigies. The kids who are different at the other end of the spectrum.

Inspiring is not a word that I throw around easily but these people that Solomon visits and works with are just that. All of them use love as a basic tool in dealing with the differences that have been dealt to and for them.

Labels: books, gay identity

THE PHOENIX FALLS BUT IT ROSE FOR A LONG TIME

This sad news from Boston.

Boston Phoenix To Close

It was a long run.

When I moved to Boston and, even before, the newly born news-weeklies, tabloid free papers, were part of my urban liberal/radical upbringing.

They were a source for all you could never find out in the straight media.

Many of my leftist opinions were honed by reading these.

I had NYC Village Voice and had seen a few similar rags from other cities as well but these were our very own radical and irreverent news and opinion sources.

These papers told about the local hot spots, the rallies, the places to volunteer. They had the "personals".

As a newly out gay man, I "dated" or "cruised" in their Personal sections. I didn't much like or want to be in the 3 Bs, bars, bushes or baths.

The ads which were a little slower and more complicated to work through were the precursor of today's on line hooking up sites.

You would send in an ad and then people would reply to a mail box at the paper. After a week, you would go down and get the mail. Then either answer or shit can them.

I answered a few ads and met some nice people.

My first real adult romance was with a guy named Mark who was actually Mort and was an art history prof at UNH. I met him on the first answer. It was like getting a hole in one on your first golf game. So to speak.

Then I met David who was a nice hippy kid and learned that not all of the answers would lead to sex but they could lead to friendship.

Things went so well that I decided to try it myself.

I only put in a few ads.

All got pretty good replies. I would usually go in after a week and then, I think, they only held it open for three weeks.

One latecomer was particularly interesting. A wise guy with a snappy response.

Can you see where this is going?

I called. He answered from his office. He was equally brash, almost snotty, on the phone. I loved it.

We agreed to meet after his work for a drink. He worked in City Hall so we decided to meet at the T lollipop sign at the Government Center subway stop.

As I stood on the steps of the T entrance and looked across the vast City Hall Plaza at the drones leaving the Hall, I spotted this smart looking guy with a kind if impish smile walking toward me.

Bingo.

We went to Peter's Plum, a now defunct bar on the Plaza and didn't linger long.

He came back to my place which was ten minutes away in Charles River Park.

I can still remember almost every moment.

I took him in with me through the back basement entrance past the dumpsters and into the elevators. I don't think I used the freight elevator.

We didn't make it to the second floor studio apartment without, well, the rest is history.

He never forgave me for going in the back way.

Our interactions were formulated from the very beginning. I still don't see what is wrong with the back way.

But we have been together for 38 years this April.

That is what the Phoenix means to me and why there is a tug at my heart to see it fall back down into the ashes.

It did have a good long run.

For this post, I googled "gay ads", "gay personal ads", every combination.

They aren't anymore.

But I did turn up gay related ads, commercials, a compilation tape of funny ones.

Some personals were intentionally pretty funny.

Labels: gay identity, gay life, gay marriage

NOT SO GAY

This is great. What it means to say "that's so gay".

And what it does not mean.

Hey. We have come a long way.

When my kids were young, the word "faggot" was used indiscriminately to describe the same stuff that is now "so gay".

That f-word is seldom heard anymore. Well, not in good company. "So gay" is used a lot of places where people presume they are good company. Not.

Labels: gay identity, homophobia

NOT THE HOMO

More about the late not-great Ed Koch's dance with death. Not his, the ten thousand people who died of AIDS on his watch without any support from their mayor or his administration.

Ed Koch and the Cost of the Closet

The Nation.

This makes the point that Koch out of the closet would never have become mayor.

True.

But since he was mayor and missed his "calling", closeted or not, Ed Koch does not deserve the accolades he has received. But that is how it works. There is political payback even after the grave and Koch still has a lot of people who owe him. Bill Clinton was one.

I don't want to tear him down either. He did that himself with his self serving bullshit for the rest of his life afterwards. Pugnacious and unwilling to admit any error.

Us gays have a special dark place in our hearts for the closet guys who tightened their door locks at the expense of other gays.

When my husband came out, he worked for the City of Boston and while he was widely accepted and applauded by most, the closet people were particularly mean and vindictive. He was a threat. As though he was going to point them out or anything.

So, as it says here, Koch deserves a corner of gay hell for his transgressions and it is all over but the burning and don't expect me to be happy about either his "feistiness" (nasty bitter old queen stuff, quite familiar) or his other accomplishments. I am an unrepentant bigot when it comes to the homo who hides.

In one of Koch's favorite phrases of his enemies, "fuck 'em".

Labels: closet, gay identity, homophobia

OUT AND ABOUT

There is nothing better for gay rights than to have people actually know a gay person.

Hence, in Congress, things are going to get a lot more open to gay people. Seven of their own members are living right there next to them.

Openly Gay, and Openly Welcomed in Congress

Progress is our most important product.

This is Mark Takano, the new rep from the next over Congressional District in Riverside.

Labels: gay culture, gay identity, gay liberation, gay life, gay politics, gay rights

MORE

What is most angering with the "gay is a choice" rhetoric is that it sets the stage for discrimination and bullying.

Whether there is a new bullying epidemic or whether we just, now, hear about it and raise hell over it. the fact remains that kids and some adults are bullied because it is thought they choose to be gay.

To be "different".

Combine that with the age old hate generator of explicit sex talk or acts, often labeled "blatant" or "flaunting". "I don't care what they do I just wish they wouldn't talk about it". HomoSEXuality brings ancient heterosexual fears and insecurities to the surface. We remind them of what they most want to suppress.

So yes. It is angering and hurtful to hear this shit from the mouths of public figures. The pandering to hate, prejudice and fear.

But understanding all of this does not mitigate the damage of such talk.

Now that it is OK for gay people to call them out even in the crudest ways, there is a way to retaliate. We have won enough of our rights to feel secure in fighting back.

Labels: gay identity, gay politics, gay rights

OUT AND ABOUT

I just found out that today, our anniversary, falls on the same day as Coming Out Day this year. Wild.

I guess it is every October 11.

How could we have missed it?

Self absorption, of course.

Labels: gay history, gay identity, gay rights

THE GOOD OLD DAYS

We are just over Stonewall and headed toward marriage in NY tomorrow. What a world of change.

Let's remember old friends who led us here. Through their love and relationships they showed us how to keep a small light alive and then pass it on to the next couple.

The artist is Jimmie Rodgers, also vintage material. A single in 1957.

Labels: gay history, gay identity, gay liberation, gay life, gay marriage

FROM DARKNESS TO LIGHT

Today's film was François Ozon's

Le refuge / Hideway (2009)

This wonderful film starts dark. A young couple, shooting up, nodding out. The young man overdoses.

Then an escape to the country. The family of the young man tries to intervene in the pregnancy of the young woman. A brother comes to see her. He is a gay man.

The rest is all spoilers if I talk about it. But the film lightens and grows in spirit from this point in a delightful way.

There are many surprises on the way to the final scenes which, in a way, are a new beginning for everyone.

I would like to see this again along with some of Ozon's other films. It is quite unique in every respect.

I will give it a 5 out of Netflix5.

Labels: films, gay identity

BEING GAY IS A LOT OF FUN MOST OF THE TIME

Today's movie was

The Big Gay Musical (2010)

I got this along with a DVD of Naked Boys Singing, two for the price of one.

I had not heard about it. But I am glad that I have it.

It is a very full box of good life lessons, a powerful punch of how gay people might treat themselves better, and each other. Most potently, it is a takedown of evangelical posturing about the gay life. Not that we need this but the the thing here is that it is funny and on the mark as to the motivation of both anti-gay and the gay-cure people.

Most of the music is in the show within a show called "Adam and Steve" which is a lot clever than you might think it would be.

The off stage story parallels the stage story. Nicely.

The leads are good and the cast is very good looking. There is not too much camp. It is post modern gay.

There are some teary parts as the two show leads find themselves (and not each other) in doing the show.

I just liked it and, since it is my DVD, I will watch it again.

There is an unusual feature of the full film with all deleted scenes and "ideas" even some which are not fully developed in the post production process. So if you don't get enough of the picture you can have more. I am told that the commentary track is also very entertaining. So we will have a long time to use up all the stuff on this DVD.

Labels: films, gay identity, gay pride

KEMO SABE

This just in.

He’s 6’5”, 220 pounds, and there’s… one of him! According to Deadline, The Social Network’s Armie Hammer has been tapped for Gore Verbinski’s The Lone Ranger, in which he’ll play the titular Old West masked crusader opposite Johnny Depp as Tonto. After the film’s long and winding road to development, Hammer marks the last major piece of the HR puzzle although Disney and producer Jerry Bruckheimer have yet to find the requisite love interest and villain. Any ideas as to who’d make a good foil to both Hammer’s stoic All-American boyishness and Depp’s worldly swagger?.......Movie Line

No. Not Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp. The Lone Ranger and Tonto.

Most gay boys did, I understand. We should have checked this out at the time.

And, I have a long term thing with Johnny. I am working on Armie.

They better not fuck it up! How could they.

Labels: films, gay identity, nostalgia, sex