esrosedotblog

Today is the 45th anniversary of Stonewall.

The gay movement's turning point. A lot has changed since that day.

LGBT Rights 45 Years After the Stonewall Riots

Some drag queens in Greenwich Village had enough and fought back.

Then it spread.

The idea that gay people could have their own moment was monumental. It helped open many doors. Mine included.

I am so grateful to these people. They fought back. The stigma at that time against gays was huge. In many areas it still is.

The fight continues. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

Here is a photo from Boston, a demonstration at the Parkman Band Stand in the Common. It is 1976. I am in there somewhere. It is my first one.

Labels: gay history, gay liberation, gay rights

IF THE SHOE FITS

This is pretty good.

The Best Little Boy in the World—That's Me

And me.

When Andrew Tobias' book came out a lot of us identified immediately.

This guy's story is a lot like mine.

Growing up queer is not easy. I knew when I was four. Or, I should say, I knew something.

I adored other little boys especially at the beach and in intimate situations like sleep overs. I remember the moment in time when Dick Higbee and I got our feet wet and my mother made us take our shoes off and go barefoot. Zing.

I wasn't much interested in dolls. But I was not at all interested in hunting, fishing, sports (either watching or doing) or any other "boy" things. All cultural tags.

Later I enjoyed watching sports, wrestling, track, swimming, because the boys/men took their clothes off to do the sport.

I caught on that I was different from my Dad. I scared him. He backed off. He removed a lot of his touching. Of course, that increased the yearning.

I can honestly say that I had no friends without the spark to it.

But. How to hide this? Be smart. Or act it. Be a brain. Be precocious. My mouth kept me out of fights. Often got me into them too but I could defend myself with the verbal barb.

I excelled, deflected attention from that thing, almost unconsciously. I cultivated my iconoclasm and my introversion.

I went to college and within weeks was taking afternoon showers at the campus pool with another kid like me. Awakenings ensued. But it was hard to have a relationship. As it happens, I now know that almost all of my college friends were gay.

I couldn't face being out out even though I was now a young man with some experience so I got married. And had kids.

I am very happy that I did. My life, as it turns out, has been full of gifts as a direct result of being the best little boy.

Eventually, of course, it all fell apart. A house divided will not stand.

Brick by brick, sometimes as a collapse, I took the hidden part of me and brought it to the surface.

I came out, I got an adolescence (in my late thirties), a met some nice men and finally turned that skill of meeting, being comfortable with myself into a gay life. I got a husband. One who could even be a kind of step father to my kids.

It is sad that people along the way got hurt. This hiding hurt me too. But the payoff has been enormous. Finally I am a fallible male human being who desires the complete company of other male humans.

The hardest part of coming out is coming out to ones self.

The over achieving? Not sorry about that. I built a business, made some money, got a professional reputation, wrote a book or two. Nice.

Oh. Later in life I got to be something of a jock too. A runner. I competed. I went to the gym. Still go. It kills me that right now I am banned from working out because of my urological "condition". This will pass and I will go back to my gym rat friends some of whom happen to be straight.

If, in the unlikely possibility that you are just like me and this guy in the article, take courage. Sooner or later you will reach the same point and it will be all right. Sooner is better though.

One caveat. A lot of things a homosexual young man fears, he fears appropriately. The family, the co-workers, the community are not going to break out into cheers for a gay man breaking out. Some will be angry. Others will try to harm you. Some will cut you off, never to be seen again.

Too bad. Can't be helped. The way of the world.

Somebody will not like you and will be your enemy for something. Let it be the real you and not some "idea" of who you are.

You will be making a lot of new friends. And some of them will be happy to sleep and play with you too. Not a fringe benefit incidentally. Years of doing without can be compensated. Live and learn.

Labels: coming out, gay liberation, gay life

OUT AND ABOUT

There is nothing better for gay rights than to have people actually know a gay person.

Hence, in Congress, things are going to get a lot more open to gay people. Seven of their own members are living right there next to them.

Openly Gay, and Openly Welcomed in Congress

Progress is our most important product.

This is Mark Takano, the new rep from the next over Congressional District in Riverside.

Labels: gay culture, gay identity, gay liberation, gay life, gay politics, gay rights

OREO RAINBOW

Nice they did this. They are taking some shit for it. Kraft/Oreo.

There are a lot of naysayers but then that has always been the case.

Hard to believe that we have come from Stonewall to this in such a short time.

In my lifetime.

When I was a young man it was a love that dared not say its name. Now, not. I am married to a man.

But there are still closets and still hate. The battles have been won and lost and we have moved a long way. Not far enough.

And so on.

I read this morning that the speed of change for gay rights has been a wonder to other activists. Thank God.

Labels: fun, gay liberation, gay rights

GOOD!!!

This is good to see, especially after all the pouting and complaining. We are coming home.

Gay Donors, Key Group for Obama, to Plot Strategy in Washington

Well, there is obviously nowhere else to go. And our hearts are always with the Democrats and Obama especially.

This is the time when the assertion that "the gays" have more money than anyone else because they don't have kids (which is patently not true) turns to our advantage because, in fact, we do have a lot of money and we put our money where our oppression can be remedied.

Obama put DODT to right and has done many things as administrative orders for and in support of gay men and women.

The Justice Department has revved up the action against anti-gay activities in the realms of oppressive state law as well as criminal activity. And so on.

So here comes the deluge of "the gays'" money. It sure ain't going to the hateful bastards in the GOP who act against us either directly or through passive acceptance of homophobic speech and such shit in their own party. Hello Mitt! Traitor to the causes you once supported.

Labels: gay history, gay liberation, gay rights, Re-election of Barack Obama

LYING DOWN II

The mattress got delivered this morning and I was on it taking a nap within the first hour.

It works fine. And looks great.

A realization occurred to me today. An insight that had almost passed by me.

We went into a big Macy's yesterday, two men, and went to the mattress department where we both got on six beds (three models, each or "plush") and then did it again and then went back and forth. One of us on. Two of us on. The other off. A great saleswoman following us around bantering. Other salespeople going past asking if they could help us.

Not one blink about the gay angle. None. And if there had been, while we would have continued as if it had not, we would know it in a nano-second. We have spent our lives learning when we are getting the homo reaction.

Now, the department store is not the most hetero place. We have long worked in that field and own much of the many of the management positions but that means nothing. In fact, some of the gayest places, owned and operated are the most closeted and homophobic.

But there we were doing our thing. Let me tell you that twenty years ago we would not have done it this way. One would go pick out the one he wanted and then the other would go in and consider the field work. One might pay up.

Actually we wouldn't be doing that as we have been extremely out for a long time. But we wouldn't be doing with quite the elan. We would have had an eye out for some kind of trouble.

Ten years ago, a couple might go together but not heedlessly romp around on the beds together.

We have come a looooooong way.

It is funny. There was a guy there alone checking things out. He didn't even want to bring his lady wife with him. And I bet they would not have gone onto the bed at the same time and cuddle up. We did.

Labels: culture, gay liberation, gay life

MORE

While the whiners are still saying that "he" didn't/doesn't do enough for "the gays" take a look at this.

Unprecedented use of foreign aid to support gay rights around the world.

White House will use foreign aid to advance gay rights. Hillary Clinton makes historic speech

There is tremendous leverage here to not only strike at the considerable homophobia in the third world and even in Russia.

I also think that this has blowback to the US. It elevates gay rights to the domain of the State Department. There has to be a trickle down message here.

Thanks to Hillary Clinton who has been a consistent partisan for gay freedom.

Labels: Administration Obama, gay liberation, gay rights

HISTORIC

Army Sends Official Notice That 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' is Repealed.

Do you know how long this has been coming and going?

Done. Over. Finished.

Hurray.

Labels: gay history, gay liberation, gay life, gay military, gay rights

THE GOOD OLD DAYS

We are just over Stonewall and headed toward marriage in NY tomorrow. What a world of change.

Let's remember old friends who led us here. Through their love and relationships they showed us how to keep a small light alive and then pass it on to the next couple.

The artist is Jimmie Rodgers, also vintage material. A single in 1957.

Labels: gay history, gay identity, gay liberation, gay life, gay marriage

LANDMARK

Today's film was

Howl (2010)

James Franco as Allen Ginsberg.

This is my life in one picture. It happens as I am coming out of college.

I had met up with the beats (who Ginsberg says didn't really exist. Just a bunch of friends). But I tried to play it straight. I had the look and all. And, like Ginsberg, was rather successful in the business world.

But I continued to read subversively. Eventually the tipping point came about when I realized that I could not live away being gay. Precisely the point of Howl. Not only in the general but in the gay sense. He knew that he had written a gay liberation document and says so.

It predicts the course of my life.

It ends with a blessing on all the souls gathered in the arms of this poem.

Every word in this film was uttered by the person being enacted.

Part of the film is a trial. Another an interview that Ginsberg gave. The reading of the poem itself.

This all predates the later hippie Ginsberg. The period begins with Ginsberg just out of college and ends with the obscenity trial.

Everyone wears khakis and even oxfords and regular open shirts. An occasional informal tee shirt, white, is seen.

Ginsberg meets Peter Orlovsky. Life partners from their meeting.

Then there are the cartoons, which everyone, but me, seems to hate. I think that they are a necessary break from the other visual of Ginsberg reading the poem in a coffee shop.

I liked the art. It seemed to fit.

I think that this is why The Times didn't make it a Critics Pick. Nasty. They should see the trial again, the free expression part.

This film is a 5 and I will see it again in the best gay movies fest later in the year.

Labels: films, gay history, gay liberation

CHRISTIAN PRINCIPLES

Labels: christist watch, gay fun, gay liberation

OPEN LETTER

Larry Kramer has been our gadfly. Our trouble maker. The shit stirrer for the gay community. Sometimes, our conscience.

This has been fitting because he is truly an angry man. A man with an immense capacity for good but, at the same time, a great capacity for hurtfulness through his invective.

In short, a prick.

His latest rants are turned toward our young. The future of gay liberation. It is a bit like taking your kids to task, but true to form, Kramer comes in for the kill.

At least one younger gay has had enough.

History: An Open Letter to Larry Kramer

I like the "shut the fuck up" part.

I have never much liked Kramer's style or rhetoric. I am glad that someone has spoken out.

Labels: gay history, gay liberation, gay politics

COMING OUT / TRAILBLAZER

What a power of example.

Labels: gay identity, gay liberation, gay life

NO FOOL LIKE AN OLD FOOL

John and I met 36 years ago around this time. Under the steaming kettle on City Hall Plaza, Boston.

I put an ad in a paper and he answered and we got together. That was it. A quick drink then back to my place and the rest is history.

Of course, we were the last to know that was it. We tried hard to make it not happen. Oddly, we had the idea that being newly out gay men meant that we should ignore the great gift of finding a soul mate and to keep rutting around either looking for someone better or to have a "good time", the time that time had somehow taken away from us.

So foolish.

So it was stop and go, over and over, for those first years. Up and down, in and out. Together and not.

We even lost the date. We do not know when the actual anniversary is but we chose April Fools Day as a way to commemorate the situation as well as the time.

One final separation in 1979, when I got sober, ended with the beginning of being together, just us, for the rest of our lives.

It took us a while after that to admit to one another that it finally felt like a lifetime deal and, when we did, we got a commitment ceremony and stuck with it. It was our third one.

It was that bad. The first two didn't take. But there was no way we could be settled and sustain our love in action with me drinking or he reacting to it.

Then, once sober, we had peace and focus and could mend the tears (and tears) that were sustained in the early years.

There is a bit of confusion about anniversaries now.

After that third commitment that took, we were able to get married many years later in 2008. So that is an anniversary too. Two.

But this one is the first one and we are sticking to it.

Some people ask if it was the first time we met or the first time that we did it. We answer "yes". The whole focus at that time was on doing it. That was what the ad was about and that is what we set out to do but both got hooked.

There was another "date" and then another and then, probably, a real one. And then more than a date. Time spent doing other things.

And so on.

It is interesting to have seen the film Johan (1976) today. It depicted the gay life so clearly at that time. There is no intention on these guys parts to stay together. Well, there is intention about getting together with the guy Johan but, as it turns out, there are many "Johans" and many Phillipes. I get that.

Now, gay men go on dates. They have dinner, they go to movies, they court one another. My observation is that it doesn't work any better or, perhaps, worse. This approach has so much deferred gratification that others' turn the guy's heads.

Of course, there are many men who do what we did. Have sex first and ask questions later. Like in that time, the guys, after sex, decide to become friends and quit the sex, keep the sex but as a sort of buddy thing or, they connect, smack! Like John and I did. And things are never, ever the same again.

Happier times are ahead and, in many cases, look at us, the happy time kept rolling for years and years and we became lifers. So happy this turned out for us.

Labels: gay liberation, gay life, gay marriage

STONEWALL NORTH

We here in the States think that we invented Gay Liberation but it is a world movement.

And not that far from home.

The 1981 Toronto Bathhouse Riots

Today is the 30th anniversary.

I can personally testify to the change in Toronto's gay atmosphere during this time. In only a few visits to a friend, the lid came off and stayed off so that Toronto became a vibrant and liberated gay community.

"If gay people had run for the shadows in 1981, if the found-ins had pleaded guilty, if those who marched on that first cold February night had simply stayed home, Canada would be a very different place for gay people today."

Fundamentally, it was a place where gay men could go, take their clothes off, put on a towel (there are various techniques to get the proper drape) and walk around waiting for situations to occur that might be pleasing for them.

In some ways it was a bit stifling as no names were used and people didn't "know each other" after they left. But it was a safe haven for many gay men and a playground of sorts that was unprecedented.

Ironically, with gay liberation and the advent of the internet hot line, the baths no longer served a function for most gay men. You could cruise from your home and not have to worry about getting the towel right.

There are still a few baths in big cities but, for the most part, they are gone.

We have one or two here in Palm Springs for those who still like the aura of a place like that. Anonymous sex and some kink besides. It is funny that since some locals go to them it is like old home week for some veterans.

And here, the gatherings of naked gay men still occur but at the inns and complexes. Same game, different venue.

I know. It is disgusting. But a lot of fun if you like that kind of thing. And no one's business. It is all quite consensual and a pretty clean business. In the old days, the baths were often run by the mob and were subject to a lot of side trouble. Not now.

There was recently a sting here in the gay resort area. The police chief has had to resign over his remarks and tactics at the time. A different world.

Labels: gay his', gay identity, gay liberation

HIS FAMILY STORY

Labels: gay liberation, gay life, gay marriage, gay rights

FIGHT ON

Mb>Statement by the President on the Killing of David Katos

I am deeply saddened to learn of the murder of David Kato. In Uganda, David showed tremendous courage in speaking out against hate. He was a powerful advocate for fairness and freedom. The United States mourns his murder, and we recommit ourselves to David’s work.

At home and around the world, LGBT persons continue to be subjected to unconscionable bullying, discrimination, and hate. In the weeks preceding David Kato’s murder in Uganda, five members of the LGBT community in Honduras were also murdered. It is essential that the Governments of Uganda and Honduras investigate these killings and hold the perpetrators accountable.

LGBT rights are not special rights; they are human rights. My Administration will continue to strongly support human rights and assistance work on behalf of LGBT persons abroad. We do this because we recognize the threat faced by leaders like David Kato, and we share their commitment to advancing freedom, fairness, and equality for all.

Ugandan Who Spoke Up for Gays Is Beaten to Death

This is a story that has deep roots in the United States with a right wing/fundamentalist group who went to Uganda and stoked the fire with workshops and their hateful, despicable rants.

Ms. Kalende was referring to visits in March 2009 by a group of American evangelicals, who held rallies and workshops in Uganda discussing how to turn gay people straight, how gay men sodomized teenage boys and how “the gay movement is an evil institution” intended to “defeat the marriage-based society.”

The Americans involved said they had no intention of stoking a violent reaction. But the antigay bill was drafted shortly thereafter. Some of the Ugandan politicians and preachers who wrote it had attended those sessions and said that they had discussed the legislation with the Americans.

Labels: gay identity, gay liberation, gay rights

BACK TO THE FUTURE

Dear 16 Year Old Me

Don't miss this.

Labels: gay history, gay identity, gay liberation

IT IS DONE

You may not have time to watch all of this but it is historic. Watch at about 6:30 for a story and toward the end for the grand stand up and cheer finale. About 22.

The room is full of people who were drummed out of the military for being gay. Very moving.

Labels: Administration Obama, gay liberation, gay military, gay rights

Labels: gay liberation, gay military, gay rights