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FAMILY

I just finished reading/scanning

Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon (2012)

Vast, far ranging, Solomon reports on families in which there is "one out". A child with a chronic condition or illness, a child that has behavior problems, a child whose nature separates from the rest of the family.

Solomon is gay, so he begins with that. A gay kid comes into a straight family. S/he is "far from the tree". You know, those "apples that (mostly) don't fall far away"?

There are some that do.

But there are many other kinds of "apples" that fall away. He explores all families who have a stranger in their midst.

As a gay man, his experience helps me continue the life long look at the distance between me and other family members.

Finally, having looked at many other kinds of apples, he comes back to home base again. He takes a look at his own experience in having kids as a gay father. With straight kids.

The book is filled, filled, filled with stories of families and kids. Solomon makes his points then tells the stories.

I could not read every page. I got the gist of it in the first half or so and then scanned. It is a door stop sized volume.

I think that it is half scholarly although Solomon is a journalist. It has a huge bibliography and notes section.

The most intriguing, actually, for me, was to read about families who ended up with a kid who became a criminal, a delinquent, an outlaw. A congenital liar is featured. Also the parents of one of the Columbine kids.

How the families react to their unusual kin is one thing. How society treats the kid and the family another. Then there is the law.

I don't think there are any pat answers in this book. I didn't expect any. It is a side of human experience that has never been so fully explored.

I am glad that I took it on. And I have had enough.

In my own life, I have been able to find some stability and acceptance in being different in my family both in my past and present.

The one thing about being gay is that one can come out. Face the family, tell the truth, give everyone a chance to adjust to that. to change the ways I operate. It is difficult but achievable.

A kind of peace seems possible for people facing other big differences as well.

Autism, disability, even prodigies. The kids who are different at the other end of the spectrum.

Inspiring is not a word that I throw around easily but these people that Solomon visits and works with are just that. All of them use love as a basic tool in dealing with the differences that have been dealt to and for them.

Labels: books, gay identity