esrosedotblog

There are these acronyms all the time. I have to GLTU (go look them up).

Take MRW. OK. Right now I know this means "my reaction when".

But in about two minutes I will forget and will have to run to the UD. Urban Dictionary.

Then there is MFW (my face when). Huh?

Isn't it tiresome for these people to remember ATS (all this shit)?

It is WMT (wasting my time).

Now, you are going to say that these things are so around so all the time that I should be learning them.

Well, I am SFN (so fucking not)!

I know that BITD (back in the day) I probably had the same thing going. The double talk. The codes.

MIASS (man I am so sorry)!

MB (my bad).

I don't like cliche expressions like that. So lame. Substitutes for actual talking and writing.

LLL (lazy lazy lazy)you guys. Another one "you guys". OK (that is an oldie. It doesn't mean anything! Okie Dokie. Oook). So I know. This is NN (nothing new).

JS (just sayin').

Labels: bullshit, fun, words

HANDMADE

Is there a more awkward term of current use than "artisanal"?

WTF.

I remember when I first saw this. I think that it was for pizza.

It sounds like a medical condition. "I have an artisanal backache".

No. It is the newest, buzziest name for stuff that isn't made by a machine. Well, not 100%.

Somehow this is supposed to denote quality.

To tell you the truth, I have always been a bit dubious about the quality of the term "home made" too.

If something is truly home made then it is made by people in their homes (which artisanal is not because it is made on a commercial scale just not a big big commercial scale).

Home made suggests tasty but I can tell you that I have had a lot of not tasty home made food.

In fact, today, I won't have it. I don't go to pot luck suppers and I don't want to be around anything that came from a bake sale or the like.

Another thing. Home made means dirty hands, house animals, weird or toxic ingredients or god knows what.

Part of my bias is that I grew up in the food business and so I know that, for the most part, commercial food products are safer to eat and often a lot better tasting, certainly more consistent than home made stuff.

I suppose some things are safe. Home made fudge for example. It is pretty hard to fuck up colored and flavored decrystallized sugar. And the heat kills any of the bacteria.

And so on.

Let me get back to artisanal. This morning a NYTimes article about artisanal chocolates.

I had to look it up.

Wickipedia:

The adjective "artisanal" is sometimes used in describing hand-processing in what is usually viewed as an industrial process, such as in the phrase artisanal mining. Thus, "artisinal" is sometimes used in marketing and advertising as a buzz word to describe or imply some relation with the crafting of handmade food products, such as bread, beverages or cheese. Many of these have traditionally been handmade, rural or pastoral goods but are also now commonly made on a larger scale with automated mechanization in factories and other industrial areas.

In other words, double talk. Bullshit. Someplace in the commercial manufacture of these chocolates, one or more people put their hands on them.

Let me take you on a field trip to the old Schraffts or Brigham's candy factories in Boston. Little, poorly paid old ladies with dust caps on, sit along a conveyor belt and dip ingredients into liquid chocolate. Artisans.

How about the artisanal cheese? Ethnic hirsute guys twisting cheese cloths as the curd dumps into a mold. Artisans.

Sausages. Someone stuffs a casing with ground up meat and spice. Artisans.

Maybe the deal is that the little old lady or the hairy guy or the sausage stuffer can be viewed as more of an artisan if she or he gets to make a decision in the making of the product.

I can tell you that in the chocolate factory they could tell which little old lady did what chocolate by the tell tale swirl on the top. So the personal touch. They were all artisans being paid as little old ladies on a candy line.

In the article the writer talks about dribbling a little sea salt on a chocolate covered caramel block. That makes the thing artisinal.

Uh-huh. (smirk)

Here are some more artisans in action.

Labels: bullshit, cooking, food

EARTH DAY

Things like Earth Day, Sunday, are just some more pious bullshit that feels good but doesn't do one fucking thing for the environment.

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE BLOG

Things I Pledge to Do for Mother Earth

Sunday is the 42nd Earth Day, a worldwide event we celebrate every year to remind ourselves that we're the biggest parasites on the third rock from the sun. To mark the occasion, this year I pledge to…

Change the channel any time one of those dishonest oil company commercials claiming environmental responsibility comes on.
Save water in my house by doing laundry at my neighbors' house while they're at work.

Rent a chopper and drop thousands of large plastic bins over the city to remind people that Portland recycles.

Fart only on odd-numbered days. (This one'll be tough. I may need to attend support group meetings.)

Retrofit the car with hybrid technology so it only runs on gas when the team of kittens gets too tired to pull it.

Use only the sun and a magnifying glass to light up my bong. Er…uh…"water pipe."

Restrict my use of "fracking" to its handiness as an adjective paired with the word "idiots" to describe people who displease me.

Contribute to healthy forests by teaching tea partiers that watering trees with the blood of tyrants actually kills them. Fracking idiots.

Help save the whales by hiding as many as I can in the basement washtub.

Close down tar sands sites by making spooky noises so the owners think they're haunted and run away.

Embrace chamberpot technology.

Dispose of my spent fuel rods properly instead of selling them as glowsticks at raves.

Start a coral reef in my bathtub for eventual relocation off the Florida coast.

Labels: bullshit, environment, holidays