esrosedotblog

There is a long standing belief that gay men talk differently from the straights.

Of course, this is bullshit on the specifics but what about the aggregate? I would say that I have always thought some men sounded effeminate. That is different than gay of course. Some of the straightest men I have known have been fem, as we would say.

Take a look at this though.

Who Sounds Gay?

The conclusion here is that some men, gay or straight, have some sibilance in their s's (a standard tipoff) and that there are straight men who even flutter their hands when they speak.

The whole thing is confused further by the fact that for a long time, some gay men tried to hide their homo-ness while others, figuring the game was lost anyway, let loose and adopted the queeny voice of the gay diva. A way to fit in.

For me, I think, I am bilingual!

I have a gay presentation which I came into the world with. I was certainly branded early as a sissy. Not the same thing, incidentally. Another complication.

I also grew up in an intensely straight, mountain man hillbilly, culture in which you could get beaten up for that kind of talk.

So defensively I learned to talk from my Dad who was butch for days. And more love to him for that. He took my being gay much more easily than my mother who never ever got over it.

Of course, there is a key thing. I loved my Dad unreservedly and so I took all I could from him including his speech. I rejected my mother and while I stayed as a technical son and did my duty I refused to conform to her bidding.

I do think that she formed my sissiness but then when I fought back that faded.

But did it. I have listened and watched myself for years. My profession. Talking in public, coaching others. Hours of videotape.

I should say here that I never suffered the terrible self consciousness of other people at hearing themselves speak or watching themselves on video. In fact, it was my job to provide these experiences as a valuable learning tool.

In any case, I do think there is a "gay" sound to my talk. Some of it is innate. The sissiness, fem stuff. Some of it is acquired. And in a group of sissified gay men I can hold my own.

But I am not good at being a Queen Bee. The almost professional fem personality which for years was revered by many gay men. I know a few of these and love them. But there is an unconscious attempt on their part to signal their gayness, I think. Unnecessary in fact. They are girls at heart. And that is something else again. A femme who happens to be gay.

Labels: gay life, gay talk, gender