esrosedotblog

We just returned from the Airport departure door, United.

Booker and I. We came home without John.

He is off to Italy via Boston.

He will arrive in Boston, stay over with an old college chum (he still has one left), lunch with a grandson at his work and then tomorrow night off to Munich.

He is going to Deutschland so he can take a train through the alps going to Bologna.

Then to Ferrara, Parma, Modena, Ravenna, Padua and Venice where he will stay five days until he goes back through the Alps (night train no sights) to Munich and finally home.

It sounds like the Cole Porter Kiss Me Kate song "We open in Venice and then play Verona then off etc until they open in Venice.

We, on the other hand, are staying in Palm Springs and while doing nothing really special, hope to be able to pack in a couple of different things.

For one, on Thursday, taking advantage of the absence, we are getting the whole house cleaned top to bottom by professionals. It has been three years of our own cleaning and there are a few dust fuzzies hidden under the sofa and so on.

To kill time, we don't want to stay here with four or five guys moving furniture, lifting rugs, scrubbing all the tile, Booker and I are going to buy a car.

We have a date with the Volvo guy to sign up for a '14 XC70 which will be as close to the '08 as possible. Of course there will be doodads which we will not really want like the map thing and bluetooth talking with which no one can understand what you are saying to say nothing of the fact that hands free talking has now proven to be as dangerous as holding the phone.

I am not sure if we will leave with a new car, we had not planned to but yesterday when I talked to the Volvo guy he said he already had four of next year's models on the floor. They are always a step ahead and trying to push the "now" over the "wait".

We decided to set it up now because there is a double bonus discount and we do not mind waiting. Which we will probably do as we have a rather specific color (white sparkles although they don't call it that I think it is crystal something) and a more or less stripped down, I think the middle range, set of options. Beige interior and so on. Leather seats.

If we wait it will be 14 weeks but if he has the very specific thing we want, I will take it on Thursday.

What else are we going to do to fill in the other Dad husband's absence? Not much. I have a trip to In and Out Hamburger in mind on Thursday if we need even more time while the cleaners are doing their thing.

I will, of course, have to answer the usual questions about why I am not going with him.

I try to keep it simple "I do not want to go to Italy" but that is rarely enough. The second explanation is that I do not want to stand around in churches and museums looking at old shit. (gasp) Then, usually we have to go to the long term advantages of de-coupling some of our life together so that each of us has an independent existence and achieve some level of person-hood. The "person-hood" always stops them cold. That is a handy verbal artifact from the "human potential movement". I never used it then but now it is a handy conversation stopper.

You cannot explain this to some people. Many get it, nod and grin. They are doing the same thing with their partner or want to.

Others? Stymied. What? How can that be? They signed up for the Kool-Aid. Yes. I know they are still in love, that they do not want to be separated from their mate, they are happiest with them than they are anywhere and so on. Good luck with that, mate.

I still remember the year that my mother, who loved the Jersey shore, did her annual nagging of my Dad to go with her. After I had grown up he never went back. Never.

In frustration, this time, she said that if he didn't go, she would go by herself. And she did.

The world did not cave in. She had a good time and actually took a friend, Harriet, along. He did what he wanted for a week. They could afford it and it relieved the daily pressure of people pleasing alternating with silent scorn or actual fighting that was normal around that house.

Boy did I learn from that. And, later, when, like everyone else, Harriet got worn out by my Mom's self centeredness Mom went by herself.

They both loved it although they continued to do the "he never goes with me but I have a good time anyway" bullshit but that was their life and normal.

Needless to say, we do not do that. He goes, I stay, we both have a good time.

I get my time alone in San Diego (went in August) and all is well. Booker even makes out well. Each of us overcompensates for his being alone so he gets more petting, longer walks, sweeter treats and so on. I am not sure he is pleased by this incidentally.

The one reaction that is hard which is when they ask John how he could leave and go somewhere without me. This is a slightly different spin on the ball and would be the hetero sexism if it wasn't two men. We just let them figure it out. There is no explaining.

So here we are. We just got home. On the short drive from the airport I worried that he might have forgotten his ticket and then because I knew better I worried that he would get his luggage stolen from his car in Boston while he was having lunch with our grandson.

And then, given nothing to worry about, I had sweet tears. This is the culmination of a long year of planning for him. It is his hobby and fascination. He has planned the footsteps at each site and made the necessary elimination of the better and the not. He will have a great time. It is alos a good thing that he will not be renting a car there this year. Always a concern for me. Wild Italians on the road. He will do all trains. Good.

Other than that we are pleased to see him happy with his pursuit, now his fifth (?) trip to Italy. Maybe four. It seems like five because while he is planning it seems like he is there at the time.

This is the first thing I did back in the house. Now. On to breakfast and the first morning dog walk of the two weeks. I am the sole Dad now and I have to get myself into gear.

Labels: life, travel, Volvo