esrosedotblog

SPECIAL DAY

Today is my Dad's birthday. He would be 103.

He had to share the day with St. Patrick but they did make birthday cards with shamrocks and all. He had to endure that association for a long time and then we just quit St. Patrick and turned all our attention over to my Dad.

We aren't Irish at all. Not a speck. So why play that tune?

I still miss him very much and mark the day with some Dad thoughts.

He was always there for me even if I didn't know or appreciate it.

This is not revisionist history. My Dad had a different kind of son in mind as I was growing up. He was looking forward to having a fishing and hunting companion. I wasn't that kid.

To his credit, he recognized this very early and just let go of the expectation. I didn't realize this actually. I thought he did want me to do those things but he didn't. He wanted me to find my own way. Which I did.

We did connect at work. He hired me to work in his A&P grocery store when I was 16 and that provided a lot of the companionship that I craved from him. And recognition.

He was my boss and he kept the boundary up. Hard to do but invaluable for many life lessons. Get the job done first and do it well. Everything else will work out. Stuff like that.

He encouraged me to go away to college. One of the most expensive ones, then or now. He knew that I belonged somewhere else. He did not have enough money to help me beyond the first term but the experience of being his kid stood me in good stead. I knew by then how to work and get a job done. All the way. So I worked my way through four years and made ends meet. I never lacked for anything. I saw and did it all.

He knew I was a good student, of course, and he believed that I would get "somewhere". Which I did.

I actually think that he joined the school board of our little town to contribute to my education. To somehow touch the process and make sure that it worked.

I never had, for a minute, the idea that he was interfering or influential in how I was taught. But you had to know that teachers and others did make the distinction. I benefitted.

It was hard for him to accept my living out as a gay man. But he got it. Early in the process.

When I first made the move, he wrote me a letter. It was not bitter. It did not blame. He had strong feelings and he expressed them. And then he let it go. He took the situation as a given and continued to be my loving father.

When he met John, he immediately took him into his care and keeping. They shared the experience of the Navy and it was short time before my Dad had the old picture albums out. The war souvenirs. The endless stories. My John was smart enough to let it happen. In that, they were soul mates. My mother and I were bored silly by it all but John was there to be an ex-navy man just like my Dad.

On one of his last trips to Boston, John and I took my parents to the places we went during WWII while he was in the service. While we were walking together he told me that he knew I was happy in my life with John and that made him glad for me.

He could not have said anything to me that was so important.

I am very much like my father. I even have characteristics that used to piss me off and annoyed at him. Today, I am proud to see myself doing these things.

I view his life as a great gift to me. A power of example. The good times and the bad.

He is still alive in me.

Happy 103, Pappy.

Labels: life