esrosedotblog

RIGHTS WARRIOR?updated

It would seem that Ellen, with her softly funny ways, is an effective spokeswoman for gay rights and gay marriage. Mostly by not talking about it. More walking the walk.

A Sapphic Victory, but Pyrrhic

Or not.

She is not the first woman to come out but she is the first woman, so well known, to get married.

Not that there have been many chances for either gay women or men to do the deed, let alone get good PR for it.

Lesbians have always had an "easier" road somehow but at a cost. They are less threatening than gay men. They have a softer reputation. Many straight women have a homoerotic past (and present) and, while they won't acknowledge that directly, they "understand".

Straight men, on the other hand are often turned on by lesbian sex. So.

Gay men, married? Not so popular. There is the whole anal sex thing. One aspect of some gay men's sexual repertoire. Scary for straight boys who won't even get a rectal exam for life or death. Never mind that there are straight people who like the act just fine.

Women don't much like the predatory nature of some gay interaction, ignoring the predatory nature of many straight men who prey on women.

And so on.

It is a complicated scene. Add religion and you have a mess.

Still and all, about half the country is OK with us getting married. More, yet, favor civil unions.

The idea that Ellen's marriage is going to form a soft wedge in the opposition is not frivolous. Everything helps.

But for men, I am not so sure. Most male actors and celebrities are in the closet let alone married. No civil unions that I know of. There are some notable exceptions. But they are actors.

Ellen is that special case where the public life is the professional life. He has a talk show. She will be a judge on that awful talent contest. Not many men get that kind of position.

Maybe next time out the vote will be on whether women can get married. Forget the men.

In any case, I hand it to Ellen and Portia. They are doing more for the movement than a lot of angry movement people. No matter that we can't really know what the exact effect is.

They have acted with grace and dignity and a strong sense of purpose.

Like 18000 other couples in California who loved each other and wanted to go all the way, they acted for themselves first. Like my John and me. And because, for awhile, we could.

Labels: gay marriage, gay rights