Wednesday, June 24, 2009
IMPATIENT OUTPATIENT
I had to go for my annual eye checkup today.
My ophthalmologist is very good. Actually a group practice. And my own GP likes them because they don't "sell" their wares. They just do their job.
I used to go to an old guy who smelled a bit musty. He retired two years ago and now I have a young, almost callow young Doc who is very earnest but, I think, competent. He is just a bit dim on real life.
They are methodical. A euphemism for slow.
They are also bureaucratic. There is a system and the system will not be broken. Another slowdown.
I am impatient. And I am outspoken.
Today, there were a series of complaints. First, I had to fill out the form again with name, address, and all that. "Why not just ask if there are any changes" I ask. "Well, that is the way we pick them up". A nonsense answer.
I went in for the first exam by a techie. She was a bit more lively than others I have had. She smiled and had a reasonably good sense of humor. We went into a new room and followed a different procedure. I asked why. I think that she didn't know so she gave me a non-answer. "We have to see if your prescription needs to be changed".
Now, I know when I am being patronized. I also know when I am being treated as a simple minded geezer. These are all answers that you give to the faltering, the feeble, the almost but not quite demented.
This cranks me up a little.
We do OK though. She thinks she is humoring me through it. I think that she is on the wrong wave length.
We get the dilation drops and then she takes me outside to the lobby to wait for the doctor. I get a phone call. I take it.
Now the sign says "Please do not use cellphones in examining rooms".
I am waiting in the lobby.
Two people at the desk in unison tell me that it is not allowed. I keep talking. Fuck'em.
It was a short conversation.
When I get done I tell them that I wasn't really talking to anyone, but I wouldn't do it again. They were not amused.
Then they came to get me to go to the second examining room. The doc was in the hall. I say "hi". He "hi's" back. And then goes into the other room. I sit. I meditate. He comes out. He takes a call outside my room. Then he goes into another fucking room!
I go out and complain about waiting.
I am burning up my political capital here but I can't help myself.
The two phone-banners in the lobby tell me that while I am out in the lobby he could be looking for me out in the exam room. I know this isn't the case. He is still in the other room.
Finally, he gets to me. I complain. He says it is a system and takes some time. They always blame the dilations which, of course, is bullshit.
Then I get the exam. I am fine. No glaucoma, no change in my cataract status, no need for a new prescription. Done for another year.
I am glad to be done. They are glad to be rid of me. By next year no one will remember what happened today. I will have to fill out the same forms again, I will go into one room then wait before going in another, I will sit and wait and wait. If I am lucky I will get a phone call and I will be able to break a rule and cause a sensation.
No one ever breaks rules in these places. No one ever complains. That is because most of the patients are actually the faltering, the feeble, and the almost but not quite demented.
I have made everyone's day by providing some adrenaline and a power of example in resisting the encroaching medical bureaucracy. I have entertained myself through an otherwise boring experience and will do it again in 2010.
