esrosedotblog

HOW MANY FRIENDS?

I thought this was interesting.

Primates on Facebook--The Size of Social Networks

I am not on Facebook nor do I expect to be any time soon but I was caught by this:

Several years ago, therefore, Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist who now works at Oxford University, concluded that the cognitive power of the brain limits the size of the social network that an individual of any given species can develop. Extrapolating from the brain sizes and social networks of apes, Dr Dunbar suggested that the size of the human brain allows stable networks of about 148. Rounded to 150, this has become famous as “the Dunbar number”.

I have written about how I am an introvert. In fact, there is hardly a month goes by that I don't mention it.

Now this idea of social networks surprises me as it turns out that I have, at any given time, about 150 friends. Easy. That is how many people came to my birthday party and that was just the locals. that is the number we invited to the wedding and we cut the fringes off.

Now, there is an additional piece of info buried in this article and that is that, normally, we would really only be in close touch with about four or five of these friends through email, phone calls and face to face contact.

That jibes with me too.

For example, there are a few people that I see when Franklin and I walk who engage immediately. Time flows. We enjoy one another. Friends.

I have a close email relationship with a friend in England (who I will see in three weeks on a visit) that has lasted thirty years. Not on e-mail all that time obviously. We used to phone.

I have regular close contact with one of my former business partners. The friendship part continues.

I keep up several very close relationships with friends in recovery. And I don't count my sponsorship of some others.

So, in this regard, I am normal!

I think that it is in regard to the rest of the world that I differ.

John is active in our neighborhood association and working with a guy who I have seen while walking the dog. He asked what was up with me. Was I shy?

John is used to such questions.

What this guy means is that I make no effort to socialize with him. For one thing his dog is a nasty little thing that barks at Franklin so we don't get close and hurry on. I say "Hello". "Goodbye".

But the fact is that I don't much care about this guy or his viewpoint on life. What few little social overtures he has made to me seem superficial and not worth picking up on. I don't make small talk. And so on.

I see what this guy and a lot of other people want is "grooming". See the article on this.

I don't do grooming.

How do these other people get to be my friends? Because we function together somehow. And, to a great extent, we share the aversion to small talk. It is big talk and working on stuff that is mutually engaging or not at all. And you don't need to make small overtures to do that. You can hook up with someone's happiness. You can help out someone who obviously needs it. You can let them know you appreciated some help they gave you. You can be open to help from others! You can go comfort someone who is in pain.

That is how I operate. I don't have time for trivia. Grooming. Either way. You to me or me to you.

I know. How do I know that the small talk is small and the trivia is trivial? Years of experience and a 6th sense. I can spot an energy sink from 100 paces. The social black holes.

Well, enough. I don't feel like a social outcast anymore just because I cannot stand the idea of joining fucking Facebook.

I have a social network and it works very well, thank you.

YOUR WEB SOCIAL NETWORK

Labels: internet, life, society