esrosedotblog

MAKEOVER

UPDATED:

I have always been ambiguous in my feelings about transgendering. I know that I want to be supportive but somewhere in my gut I am not.

I only knew one person who did it and he was an asshole. I am also not sure that he really went all the way. Somehow it seemed like a sham to me. An attention getter.

Hey, I know this is a cruel assessment but sometimes I am not the most sensitive guy in the world.

Now, I have found out that another friend, much closer, is going through the same process.

Well, it is not news actually.

My friend began to talk about his feelings some time ago. A couple of years, maybe.

I have to admit that I thought it was a passing thing. A phase?

I know. It is just like people thought about me when I was coming out. We are so unable to see our selves in other people's experience.

Anyway, little by little, incrementally, I noticed changes. Painted nails were the first.

Then more flamboyant, 'feminine' clothing.

Not cross dressing at all. Just, well, different. Definitely fem.

Let me also say that my friend is not the most good looking person in the world whatever gender. This helped buffer the drama of it somehow. He is just a regular looking guy. In fact, if he is going to be more female, he has some moves to learn.

I think that I was slow to notice other physical changes. I remember, once, having coffee with him and the waitress addressed him as 'Miss'. He was very pleased. I was astonished. What did she see that I didn't?

Then, after a long planning process, my friend moved away.

I haven't seen him in two years.

We have written back and forth.

In a few weeks we will get together for a visit.

He now has a female name. He dresses as a woman. He is on his way for the first stage of gender change surgery.

I am no longer ambivalent about the whole thing.

I am fine with him and fine with his decision and I support it whole heartedly. I guess I better start calling him 'her'.

There are times it is still a little squirmy but these moments are very minor.

Which goes to show that being open about who you are is the best policy. She has been open with me and I with her and we have moved along the path she has chosen without disruption.

This is why it was so important that gay people came out. That we got equal rights. That, soon, we will be able to marry. That we adopted or even had our own children whether surrogated or not.

We became visible.

We are seen and loved by our friends.

So I am glad to be on the other end of this process. As it turns out, it has been somewhat effortless. For me. Not for him.

I am a lot more ready to accept the whole transgender situation than I was before. I even feel some compassion for the guy/gal I knew that was an asshole. And probably still is. I took the gender thing out of the equation.

Labels: gay life, transgender