esrosedotblog

Today is Father's Day.

Or is it Fathers' Day. Collective.

So many "Dads" in my life.

There is the one true Dad who I still sting around the eyes about. He and I had so many ups and downs and we got through all of it. Happy, so happy at the end. To be able to say goodbye and that I loved him and mean it so much.

Then there are the surrogate Dads. Al who was my Dad's friend and when I had a beef with the real Dad, was willing to sit and listen and advise to give some slack. To listen for the love.

There was Bob who ran the dining hall where I worked at MIT. I had a tough time there academically and Bob helped me through. I ended up running the student staff and I learned a lot about managing from this wonderful man. He was a bootstrapped guy like my own Dad and that has always been a factor in my attraction to father types.

After college, in my first job, there was John who was a maverick, a guy who had been in a lot of companies and had basically pissed off a lot of people with his intelligence and talent as an engineer. When I was with him I learned a lot about being fact based. To not worry about what second rate people said or did.

At the same time I watched and was with John, I had another Bob who was a mild mannered gentleman. A talented guy who had been badly burned by the depression. I learned a lot from him about the power of being nice to people. Combined with the sting of the other guy, John, it was a wonderful bi-style set of relationships.

The big boss, Al, was another self made man who didn't take shit from anyone. He was my interview at MIT when I got that job. He was very tough and painfully direct. When he wasn't direct, he was probably going to fire you. I did not get fired. I was touched that he had tears when I left and had to tell him. He had plans for a lot of his boys but it was taking too much time. He understood. He let me go. I love him very much today and feel so blessed by his example in life.

I began to be on my own after that. Always, sometimes for a short while there were Dads. My own regained ascendancy in my life.

I became a Dad to my real kids. They are still very much in my life. I guess that is a good sign.

I have been able to become a father figure in the lives of many men who I have worked with in various jobs and especially those men and women that I have been involved with in recovery programs.

It is second nature to me.

But it is a learned behavior.

I am a self-centered, highly competitive person and I need to channel that energy. Dads taught me how to do that.

I need to say an anonymous word about all the sponsors that I have had in my recovery program. They have helped me become the man I was meant to be and not take myself out of the action. To live life fully and face into the wind.

Today, I still am the "class president" type. I am the Treasurer of my condo association in the first year on the Board. I wanted to be Chairman right away. Really. But I have learned to be a Dad at a lower level. From this position I can be a shepherd of ideas and the many people who have not a single clue about working with others or asking for help. Our owners. The other Board members.

In my life today I carry the seeds of all my Dads' example. Powerful and potent. I try to be even handed, open and loving to others and to stifle my critic and heavy handed parent who tries to run the show. And, I can also be a source of discipline if necessary. To be a firmer power of example. A guide. And, basically, not to put up with any bullshit especially my own.

Thanks Dads. I am so grateful to you.

Labels: fathers