esrosedotblog

It has been a month and two days since our wonderful dog Booker died.

In a way, it seems forever. In another, as though it happened yesterday.

The deep grieving is over. I can think fondly of him and laugh about stuff.

But there are times when my reflex is to look for him or something comes up where he would be right there in the middle of it with me. And he is not.

Other times, I get blindsided by situations that require confrontation with the pure fact of his absence. Such a one happened today.

A neighbor came out with his dogs to "walk" in the grassy park across the way. I truly went over to pet the dogs. I am still laboring under the illusion that other people's dogs can fill a gap. Not so. One of the little bastards tried to nip me and the schnauzer, who is a terrier after all, ignored me rather completely which would have been Booker's reaction to such an intrusion on his private time.

The guy asked where Booker was. Keerist! Doesn't he gossip? Hasn't it occurred to him before? Didn't he ask around? No. And we are not that important. We are not on a lot of peoples "beyond cordial" radar. Nor, honestly, are they on mine.

But there it was. I had to go through it again. One more time. It is not easier with time but it is less emotional. Not necessarily the same thing.

The guy was embarrassed and so I had to assure him that he had not spoken out of school. I ended up fucking comforting him!

Such is the case when you are a sensitive warm person. I think that's it. Not me, but a little bit sometimes. Also a good way to get out of the way and say goodbye.

It is OK.

I am still ambivalent about another dog. Everyone asks that question. You would think that I would be ready for it but I am not. I do have an answer but it doesn't roll out.

The answer is I don't know but the soonest it would be possible would be October when we are all done traveling and running around, the both of us home.

We do have the feelers out to our dog resources and have not pulled them in really. If a dog showed up who fit the bill entirely we might make a move earlier. Nothing is never, no way. But unlikely.

It is hot. We are in and out of town. It is not a good time for us until the fall. Period. End of paragraph. Done with the story.

For now, for fucks sake.

Labels: dogs