esrosedotblog

LETTING GO

Interesting.

When They're Grown the Real Pain Begins

This mother found out what most parents know. Kids are people and when they grow up they have the lives of people.

Holding on brings a considerable amount of pain that is not really very useful to anyone.

A friend of mine has three adult kids and he has all kinds of wrenching thoughts and even physical reactions to their life situations.

One son had a drinking problem, now gone away, and he agonized that the kid wouldn't go to AA. Huh? I didn't go to AA until I was 40. There were job and wife problems. Again, advice up the wazoo. And then alienation. His son told him that he was meddling.

Well he was.

Another daughter is splitting up from her husband and now going through the familiar yo yo effect of maybe I'll stay or maybe I'll go. My friend took his position a long time ago. That was for her to go. So. There is a play by play every time she shifts and wiggles to find a right place for herself with this guy who just happens to be the father of her children. Tough. Tough life. Tough situation. But it is not my friend's business. Plain and simple.

There is a third kid, a daughter, who seems to be having clear sailing in her life. My friend uses that as a wedge to intervene with the other two. "Why can't you be like your sister", although he probably doesn't say it that way. It must be tough to be the family role model.

I have been through this for a long time. I have five kids. My god! They grew up. Now what do I do? Worry?

No.

I have my own life to attend to and if my life is any indicator they are better off making their own mistakes. I remember the few times my parents tried to intervene with me. All that did was make things harder, tougher and more confusing.

I try to stay out of it all.

I long ago accepted that my kids are going to have problems in their life that I cannot even understand let alone help with. Well, there is the listening ear. If they want me to listen. They seldom do. Good for them.

In this article, there is an old lady at the beginning who talks about the "burden" of adult children.

Good christ!

My mother suffered that way. It was a spectacle. And, of course, it was all about her and her life.

I celebrate my kids lives. When they get into difficulties, I know that I can listen if they want to talk it out. I know that I can stand to the side and watch and, perhaps, learn from how they work through the things that happen to them.

But to interfere, to judge, to "suffer" with them is a path to a very unhappy existence for all the family.

Labels: family