esrosedotblog

NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY

I have been "out" so long that this day passes without thinking too much about it.

There is a belief that one is never fully "out" as a gay person and, for me. that is undoubtedly true.

When I came out in 1976, I moved to Boston, went to the bars, joined gay organizations and marched in the streets in the days when that counted for something.

But I was not completely out, out.

For many years I was out in most of my life but not much in my professional life. There are excuses for this but still I was in there.

When John and I got together 37 years ago we were out as a couple. One could hardly not be. Two of us after all. And John was more militant in that respect than I, taking any opportunity to throw it in the face of anyone who didn't want to see or hear the obvious.

There are, or were, times when I would pass for straight. Rarely though did I ever pretend to ogle the ladies. I didn't lie about my partner. That would dishonor him.

Eventually I lost some accounts because of it. Hello, General Foods Human Resources Department!

And, more importantly, some clients didn't care whether I was gay or not and friendships were formed over it. That is you, P&G. Thanks.One way that I avoided out-edness was not to mix much with straight people. Either socially or with people in my work groups. So an indirect closetedness.

Now, after years of retirement, living in the gayest of cities, I have an occasional challenge in this area. People who assume I am straight. Who never consider that I am gay.

A couple of weeks ago, two guys at the gym who are relatively new, observed how lucky I was to have a couple of nubile young women come sit on bikes right near me. I needed to tell them that while the young ladies were attractive they were not attractive in "that way" with me as I play for the other team.

They were dumbfounded.

We used to have to deal with the bigoted and now it is time to deal with the oblivious.

In the gym I hang briefly with the gayest of men. We touch. We talk "that way". I even kiss a few. I got a hug and a kiss from a guy this morning.

Not that we are being obvious or anything of course.

Straight guys hardly get it about women. When it comes to men they are so clueless it is pathetic.

These guys were nice about it, then a bit distant as they processed the information.

The other morning I walked in on one of the spraying his hair in the locker room with great abandon!

I haven't see hair spray in years. And there it was. I took it in and laughed to myself. Men will be men after all. Gay or straight or, as most men are, in between.

Labels: coming out