esrosedotblog

TAKING THE FIFTH

I went to my last holiday party last night.

I have been writing about this party season because it is so unusual for me to be going to parties at all. I am a charter member of the International League of Introversion and generally will do anything to avoid public gatherings including whine and snivel.

But there is a new development. At the end of this month we are having a huge party for my 70th birthday and our 10th year in the desert.

One should not have parties if one is not willing to go to others' parties. I suppose.

And when you give a party people tend to think of inviting you to their's. I have worked hard to develop a reputation for antisocial behavior and it has served me well. Now, I have to rethink and reshape that behavior around miscellaneous public appearance.

I think that I can remain a bit anti-social and still go to events with a half a smile and perhaps even enjoy myself.

It also seems a good thing to do for my soul.

One can carry isolation from others only so far.

I do not expect to become a social butterfly this year but I can spread my wings a little bit more than I have.

So, to make a long story longer, I have been saying 'yes' to invites when they come up. I have been going to events without complaint (for the most part) and when I get there I have made a reasonable attempt to socialize and not go off in a dark corner somewhere to mope.

The first party was not a great success. We knew no one and the crowd seemed to have been recruited from a New Yorker cartoon. But I did find one person, older than I, who has a very interesting story which I wanted to hear and I heard parts of it.

That same person will be coming to my party.

One success!

The second party was a bit less anxiety provoking. I knew most of the people there. I went 'stag' because it had been a two-party day in the house. He had his and I had mine. Also, I knew most of the people there and he did not.

I stayed an hour and a half! And I didn't even get to eat any real food. It was just desserts. Lame joke: I got my just desserts. Nevertheless I had a good time and fixed a smoked turkey sandwich when I came home.

Party three was neighborhood, cocktails, went with the woman who lives behind us on the same lane, saw people I knew; all that. Pretty good. But I got my old aversion back big time. I left before the carol singing (good thing) and before some of the neighbors I like got there (not so good thing).

The fourth party was on Christmas and a spur of the moment thing. An old friend showed up and we had some email exchange and he invited us to an afternoon cookout kind of thing at his horse ranch in the Morongo Valley. Bingo!

The best time that I had of all the holiday events. We stayed four hours. Franklin got to go with us. It was a grand family affair and we did not know a soul (except my friend) before we got there. Twenty people. Who would have thought?

Last night was mixed. I thought we would know everyone and, as it turned out, I knew about half.

It was a nice time.

Everyone brought something.

We yakked and ate and came home. John got to know a few people who I like very much. It was good. Two and a half hours.

So what is the moral?

You can't predict the outcome of a party. There is no connection between knowing people and not knowing people and having a good time. Well, there is a little but the unknown is not unknowable.

Good food is better than anything to provide a good time.

Alcohol is not a predictor. Only one party was dry. It was a good one but it had desserts instead. I don't do those either.

The biggest determinate of success and happiness at these events is clearly based on the person that I bring to the party.

I don't mean John or Franklin.

I mean that whoever else might or not be there, I am always there.

Wherever I go, there I am!

Another lesson in rules of life that I already know.

The good times roll with me. If 'they' look like a cartoon then I have to find the one who does not and nab him or her for my own little party. I should share and not hog the time of the person but I should make the most of any compatibility I find.

I should be optimistic.

Above all I need to maintain my 'leave when I am ready and not a moment later no matter what' rule.

I must know where the back entrances are and become an expert in the art of the slippery exit.

I do not have to bother to thank the host if I leave early. S/he is busy and I don't want to make a scene.

Thank them later and say that I had a fabulous time.

Now.

What have I learned about giving a party?

I need to be ready for all the people who come to my party. We will have lots of food. There will be a few people who don't know anyone else. We will make them especially welcome and hand them around a bit. I will casually point out the alternative exits. And so on.

I will take care of myself and not expect anyone else to do it for me.

And I will not be able to make a hasty exit no matter what. It is my party!

I will have to have some ways to get away from the crowd. Floating is good. Being in charge gives me many excuses to run off and 'hide in plain sight'.

In any event, I have had a pretty good time with my research.

I might even continue to say 'yes' to party invites. I will certainly be less apprehensive.

There might be something to this party thing. But I will maintain my membership in the League of Introversion just in case.