esrosedotblog

REALITY TEST

Have I mentioned that we are giving a party on January 28th? My 70th birthday and the 10th year of our life in the desert.

We started a list. People I thought would like to come. Short.

Then I switched to people that I would like to see there. Long.

I just started listing people who I had enjoyed being with or had connected with in some way (not always peacefully) or just admired or looked forward to seeing although we might not be close/close.

The listing process went on for quite a while and now it is over.

We got the invitations from the printer earlier this week. I had addressed most of the envelopes last weekend and yesterday did the stuffing, sealing, stamping and return-addressing.

As predicted, there are about 150 people we are asking. 130 actual invites, some of which are for couples.

Whew!

I had a restless night.

I think that, up to now, the theoretical prospect of the party has insulated me a little.

Now, I look at the stack and those evil thoughts creep in.

Suppose no one wants to come? (There are reply cards in each invitation).

What will people say to me about it when they see me?

Does the invitation look lame in any way. God forbid lame. Politically incorrect, radical, funny, grotesque—all right.

But please, not lame.

That kind of shit for which I have no patience at all; my less healthy mind in some sort of doomsday committee meeting.

But, this morning things seem brighter.

I got the invitation out and looked it over once again; the thirtieth time?

It is fine.

Well, a little grotesque here and there but not lame.

So, John will take the things to the PO today and that will be it.

No.

I guess it won't.

I was not prepared for the mental stir up that this is causing.

It is a good stir up.

Us codgers need to keep it moving and rolling around.

I have six weeks to practice my stage smile for all those 150 people who are going to come and have a great time.