esrosedotblog

TOUGH TIMES

I have a close friend who is in the throes of treatment for cancer in his throat.

This is one of those cases where the cure is so extreme that it nearly kills the patient.

The cancer got a good head start. They have to play catch up to try to head it off.

I visit every morning.

They are hitting him with chemo and radiation at the same time.

That is why he is in the hospital; to manage the side effects.

It takes all his reserves and then some.

I sit on the bed. I hold his hand. We chat a little about stuff.

The nurses come and go.

I have him to myself at these times.

No other visitors get up this early.

He does have a big family and a lot of friends come for quick stops.

I am one in a crowd.

I go through periods of thinking that I am supposed to say or do something of consequence. To lift him up. To ease the pain.

There is nothing to do but to sit on the bed, hold his hand and chat about stuff.

He can't really talk too much. He is on a lot of pain medication and god only knows what else.

This morning, for awhile, he was out of time and touch. But he came back. I was there.

I have not always been good about visiting people in the hospital.

I am committed to staying the course this time.

Many days I leave and tears flow. For him. For me. But, I think, also for the people that I didn't have time to see or to be with when the end was close or the possibility was there.

I still have some old grieving work to do.

One can always change behavior.

It is never too late until it is really, really too late.

In a way, this is a gift.

I get to let go of all that pent up stuff.

My friend is brave sometimes and then not. I am there as much as I can be for all of it.

We will see it through.