esrosedotblog

STRIPED RACER

I was walking down the hallway this afternoon and there, coming toward me, was a foot and a half long snake.

Masticophis lateralis lateralis.

He was coming fast.

But he stopped.

And I stopped.

I don't think I hollered.

And he went into the china closet!

Oh shit.

I called John and he saw that we could put up barriers and then get him to escape the closet and go out the front door which is only 7 or 8 feet away.

So, we put a rolled up rug in the way of the living room.

We opened the front door.

John found my dad's old carnival cane.

I thought he meant to hook the snake with it but he was going to use it to remove the boxes and shit from the floor of the closet.

Which he did. From behind the open closet door.

Of course, now I can see that if the snake had come out and turned left instead of right it would have gone right over John's sandaled foot but no one thought of that then.

Slowly, but surely, we got all the stuff out of the closet floor. Four trays we use for outside dining. A big tray for more shit to carry outside.

A box of table cloths.

Could the snake have gotten into the box? No. Well.

Then a water bottle, a vase, and then we were left with a set of picnic trays which John bought and we have never fucking used (editorial comment). There was the snake. Here he comes!

He turns right!!

He comes towards me! He tries to slide through next to the carpet edge.

I pound the broom on the floor (they read vibrations).

He went into the rolled up carpet!

Slowly and carefully we got the carpet out the door and then, in the alleyway outside, slooooooowly unfurled it.

Out he came. Away to the end of the walkway, outside and into the lawn.

What a hair raising adventure.

I can do anything. Lizards, mice, whatever. I cannot do snakes. My inner scream prevents it.

Neither can John.

But we did this one. With a little help from our and the snake's Higher Power. Or maybe it was luck.

Whatever.

He was a striped racer. Non poisonous. A 'good' snake.

We have had a king snake family here outside the wall when there was a lot of growth on the banks. But they are gone.

They used to scare the shit out of me.

It's OK to say 'shit' on this blog isn't it?

They needed the cover.

We have never had rattlers in our yard.

OK.

The adrenalin is dying down.

How did he get in?

We leave the slider screen in the kitchen open so Franklin can run in and out.

Sometimes birds come in. This is the first snake.

I think we will start keeping the screen closed, even if it means playing 'door' with Franklin.

And where was Franklin during all of this? In his crate.

He claimed 'non-combatant' status.