esrosedotblog

SMOKELESS

I am coming up to 9 years without a cigarette; on my birthday; the 28th (nudge nudge).

I am happy about it because it is what I set out to do. It was a health step.

I had cancer and was going to get radiation treatment and I knew it was best to ditch the smokes in preparation for it.

Actually, they say it takes 5 years to get recovery from the damage (if ever) but too late is better than not at all.

I enjoyed smoking. Thoroughly. I never really wanted to give it up.

I regarded the social engineering of non-smoking legislation and the like as an incursion upon my personal rights.

On the other hand, I didn't blow smoke in people's faces either. Well, a little. John had to deal with it in the car (with the window down) and in early years where we lived. Let's face it. Smoking is indefensible.

But that does not mean I won't want to do it. In fact, it might increase the probablity that I would want to do it. The cigarette has long been the scepter of the rebel; James Dean, et.al.

After all this time I am glad that I quit. I wouldn't go back. It was ready then. I used the patch but it was not a really really hard thing to do.

I no longer think much about a smoke. Every once in a while it comes up and I use the other tool that I learned at the time of quitting. I remind myself that it is a craving and that it will pass. Amazing. It works.

I have smoking dreams. A lot of them.

I am used to that too. It is like a 'drunk' dream. All alcoholics have them. A sponsor told me that he regarded such a dream as a greeting card from his disease. "Here I am! Remember me? I remember you. Want to get together?"

No

What else about smoking?

I am not one of those asshole-ex-smokers who have a fit over other people smoking. I can be around it and it does not bother me either way. I don't want one and I don't mind having it around.

I still think that a lot of fears about second hand smoke are bunk.

I have always been fit. I ran half-marathons while I was smoking. I went to the gym. I worked energetically.

So do I 'feel better'? Hard to tell. I don't even feel superior or 'good' for having done it. It was just a choice and continues to be the same.

I suppose if I show up with some cancer or emphysema that could be traced to the smoking I will be philosophical about it. I won't go on a crusade then either.

That is about it. It is not very inspirational. I would not urge a smoker to quit or to keep smoking. It is up to them. When and if they have enough they will quit. Or not.

I remember a nurse friend tell me that he saw patients in a chronically ill hospital (VA) smoking through their tracheotomies. So, a lot of people decide not to stop.

As I said in the beginning, I am glad that I did because it was what I set out to do. What was painful was all that stopping that didn't work. I could quit but not stay quit. Now I have done it. Nine years.