esrosedotblog

FAST TRACK

OK. OK.

I admit it. Now.

All those years I was supposed to fast before getting my annual physical blood and urine tests? When I said I did?

I didn't.

Risky business if you believe the testing premise. But I don't.

Back east no one ever had me fast. For anything.

Out here. SoCal. Purity. Fast before tests.

See? I plead, "I get up at 3 in the morning. That is one long fucking time until I get to the lab, after the doc has at me, at 9!"

They only say that it is too bad but I need to fast.

I would die. Shrivel. No way.

So, for years I wheedled and fibbed and so on.

At one time, I had my Doc pleading to do it for him.

I didn't.

Hey. I will even go further. I didn't abstain from red meat before I took my fecal samples either.

So. Release. Reconciliation. Reprieve. Moral certitude now possible.

Suddenly, circumstances have come to my rescue. I don't have to lie anymore.

They consolidated two Quest labs here and the new one opens at 5 AM! Just about the time I would be completing my first breakfast anyway. They have made me an honest man.

So no more lies there either.

So.

This morning. Up at 3; out at 445; tested and gone by 515; I had breakfast only an hour late at 530.

And, part two, they now have a new improved fecal test (I know this is icky but I disclose all or as much as I can stand. I can stand this. Can you?) where you don't have to abstain from red meat (or aspirin or other necessities). And you can brush! No popsicle sticks.

Can't be beat. I am residing in truth. At least as far as blood, urine and poop tests are concerned.

New problem though.

Now, I am worried that if my baseline for all this time has been non-fasting, what will the deltas look like now that I fasted.

I guess I will have to wait.