esrosedotblog

POOF

I picked up the email at 3 AM and then tried to do a link from one of them and 'nothing'.

I looked at the cable modem and saw 'nothing' on the light labled 'cable'.

Sinking feeling. Goddam! It was just there a second ago.

How dependent I have become on the little winking light.

Now what?

OK. If the cable is truly dead there is no point going through the 'turn-it-all-off-in-order-modem-router-both Macs.

Then turn back on in the same order.

But, I do it anyway because if I ever do talk to someone that is the first fucking thing they are going to ask me and I will not lie. I did it. OK?

Right. Nothing. It is the cable.

Call TimeWarner Cable service.

Aha! No answer. They are swamped. I am not the only one who is out.

Of course, there is no way to know this absolutely.

But, I am better at this than I used to be. I just wait.

Now is the hard part. I got up early this morning so I could get all my 'stuff' done (mostly the net and meditating) before I walked the dog. (John is gone for the weekend so I have all shifts); so I could go to my Meeting where I was to give someone an anniversary cake.

But now. I have all the time in the world! No net work. No blogging. No NYTimes-on line. No Salon. No Yahoo headlines. Shit. Time on my hands. The opposite of what I feared. But worse.

Sinking feeling.

And then I just sobered up and got to it. Today is the day that I clean up cookies and repair 'permissions' and check the auto-repair software called MACaroni. Get it? So I did that in the AM.

Then I did the meditation.

Then what with one thing and another the paper took a little longer to read than normal.

I did the walk with Franklin. We gave that a gentler pace.

I went to the Meeting.

I came home and the cable was back on.

This has happened before. Off at 3 AM or so and then back on about 9 AM. I think they shut it down to get stuff done. It might be the slackest time; Friday night and all.

End of emergency.

I just wanted to cop to how prone I am to the 'sinking feeling' and believing that I might never get back on the www at any time. It is a bit sick but then once I get it out and over, I might get better with it and gain a little perspective.

Sigh.