esrosedotblog

THATS THE WHOLE BALL GAME

This was in Slate this last week:

Where Have All the Jockstraps Gone?.

I was in advance of the trend. I haven't worn a jock-strap for many years.

When I was a kid, it was mandatory to wear a jock for gym class. Just one more onerous aspect of gym along with showering, having to play competitive games, dribbling (I still cannot play basketball), wrestling (terror time for a gay boy), and so on.

The jock strap was to 'protect yourself'. The euphemism 'yourself' meant your 'balls'. We used it a lot. He strained 'himself'. Well, I guess we said 'balls' but not with the parents around. Now, most kids say anything they want in front of the parents. Things have evolved.

Anyway, I could never get the 'protection' part. First of all, there were no jock straps in kid sizes. The cup was way bigger than my nuts. (another euphemism for 'myself'). So there was nothing shoving them up.

The other thing was that my nads (yet another euphemic) were not all that big in the first or even, as it turns out, in the second and third place. I am not, as they say, hung (another one).

So it all seemed sort of pointless.

As I got older, and made sly observations in the locker room, I determined that some adventurers did not wear a jock. They either wore briefs or, gasp, went commando. That means balls-out.

In college, I did all the PE without a jock. All swimming (speedos) and sailing (come as you are). When I started running I wore briefs. And so on.

Later still, I found that in gay life, the usefulness of the jockstrap was almost exclusively fetishistic. This is not a predeliction that I happened to share. I owned a strap in case anyone was interested but it did not come up (so to speak) very often.

As it turned out I married someone who was as disinterested in the jock as a turn-on as I was. End of the jock in my entire life.

So I am glad that the general public (male division) has finally gotten the message. Jocks are of no use. Briefs or lycra are better unless the lycra is too tight, then it is not only unattractive but it could be a real nut-buster.

Let's see. I have gotten in all the euphemisms except 'junk'. That's a new one. My 'junk'. I guess it is like 'my business'. Very close, actually, to where we came in with 'yourself'. How can I work that one in?

Oh.

It is not OK to just let your junk hang out in the breeze. You do need a little protection. Sometimes a lot (getta cup for the contact sports and the fast ball games).

And, even those who watch that region of the body more than the average don't want to see the full monty in one viewing. A bit of the seven veil routine is more stimulating.

Have I exhausted this topic for now?

OK.