esrosedotblog

JAVA

It has been 4 or 5 months since I quit drinking coffee. I didn't have a lot of trouble doing it. I just tapered out. No headaches, nausea, or diarrhea. I didn't have much of a psychological yearning or craving. It just sort of went away.

The last two or three days, I find that I really want to have some caffeine. I have had some sleepiness, which did not occur before. I think about having it. And 'something' is telling me in the morning and afternoon, that I 'need' to have some coffee.

This is a new twist. When I got sober, I had a long period of recovery but the desire to drink, per se, was lifted. I think about drinking every once in awhile but I don't desire a drink. Believe me, there is a difference. I would have drunk dreams, but they were not overwhelming if I talked to someone about it.

When I quit smoking, I used the patch and weaned off successfully and while there was a sort of long period where I would 'miss' a cigarette, I could always sort of pin down the situation that had triggered it. This is after the physical withdrawal was way over. I seemed to have to live out each situation without a cigarette. Then it was gone.

I did have smoking dreams too. I still do from time to time. But they are not upsetting. I am never ever near to buying a pack of cigarettes. It is just not in the picture for me. In the old days, when I tried to quit, I would always bolt and buy a pack, then throw it away, then repeat and then give up. Not this time.

Now, this coffee thing is sort of a bolt out of the blue. I shouldn't be surprised, I suppose. But, I did think that I was over it. I guess not. There is no alcohol or tobacco in our house. There is coffee. People expect it when they visit. I am happy to comply. There is also caffeinated soda. Different. Easier to think I could go brew one or grab a coke.

Often, writing about a yen will shake the power of it. That is not so much the case now. I think that I 'need' or 'want' a cup of coffee now more than when I started writing this. I want that bounce.

I guess I will go get a can of V-8 juice. On the other hand, when I quit smoking, I was advised not to substitute but to just have the craving out. So I maybe I won't go for the juice.