esrosedotblog

PROGRESS?

Alex sent me this, written by a pilot.

We must get rid of turbines. They are ruining aviation. We need to go back to big round engines. Anybody can start a turbine, you just need to move a switch from "OFF" to "START" and then remember to move it back to "ON" after a while. My PC is more difficult to start.

Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style. On some planes, the pilots are not even allowed to do it. Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a small lady-like poot and start whining louder. Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click BANG, more rattles, another BANG, a big macho fart or two, more clicks, a lot of smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a guy thing.

When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you can concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan: Useful, but hardly exciting. Turbines don't break often enough, leading to aircrew boredom, complacency and inattention. A round engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going to blow at any minute. This helps concentrate the mind.

Turbines don't have enough control levers to keep a pilot's attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during the flight. Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman lanterns. Round engines smell like God intended flying machines to smell.

I think I hear the nurse coming down the hall. I gotta go.

You know, this took me way back to the actual changeover; what it was like to a passenger. I used to ride in the Eastern Convair shuttle and it had circular lounge seats in the back. Like a banquette. The whole back half may have sat ten or twelve people. There was a round table. Inconceivable today. Talk about your legroom; it was all legroom. I remember getting drunk with a bunch of other guys at the banquette. The shuttles took a while longer to get from LGA to BOS then and you could relax. I think all the drinks were free.

They shook like a bastard though. But then all the shuttle flights shook. The DC-3's, which the Connies replaced, were all shake and rattle and noise. Like the man says. Those were the days. Props. Turbines. Shit, why did they bring the smelly kerosene eating jets into it? That is where all hell broke loose and we had to start gettin' in lines and payin' for drinks. Oh. Did I mention that when I first took the shuttle it cost 16.00 one way? They didn't bother with round trip tix because it was open seating and you just waited on line to get on. A ticket was a ticket. Don't get me started.